Rules for radicalism by Saul D Alinsky

“The all-out call out”

started JAN 19 2010 (maybe a day or two earlier)

Some of this is just scattered notes; I can elaborate if asked.

I am doing this because a mouthpiece needs to arise.

Because of the generation gap and various other modern world variables, schools are now pop-culture indoctrination camps.

Kids are introduced to sex in the worst possible way, while parents stand on the sidelines.

I almost killed myself over the intercomm of my highschool after my Junior prom.

College was supposed to be a new horizon; instead I met Suzy Sorrow, and was treated like a rapist.

I almost went shoot up Sacred Heart highschool in 2001.

The nerd sub-culture is a dumping ground for mainstream America. Mainstreamers torture themselves and cannibalize each other, but our pain is more obvious. My citings of Octo and Lightning prove this, and show how much pressure and mind warping goes on. I wanted to cite graphic detail and numerous instances of how fucked up it is.

I have Bipolar II disorder, with a lean to the mania.

Not all of events are in sequence.

If I would be 19 and only have examples that date back 5 years, I would be accused of being wet behind the ears. Now that I am doing this, going back to 1978, I am going to be accused of being someone who can't get over life's pain. No matter what, there is always going to be a bullshit premise to ignore me!

They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. I hope so, because that would mean that I did the RIGHT thing by writing this statement, instead of shooting up a public place.

Let's hope I made the right decision.

None of this is any sort of threat at all. If I wanted to shoot up a public place, or bomb a Hooters restaurant, or a school, I would not bother with a statement before the fact; I would simply do it and leave this letter in my house for it to be found after the massacre to THEN add potency to my massacre for the media to have fun with. Nothing I say in this statement is any sort of threat for any sort of public massacre. This is actually anything but. Hopefully I can inspire future would-be killers to put their guns down and use non-violent means to accomplish their goals. Public shootings do work as far as getting the message out BUT the case to make is that BETTER results can be done with more non-violent work. The moral of the story seems to be that a public shooting is the quick, easy and sloppy way to get limited results. It is the indulgence of anger and the abandonment of a higher morality.

[random point aug 14 2010] Do you know WHY these neurotic people, jerks and animals that I have cited in this documentation are seen as NORMAL and I am "CRAZY"?? It is because THEY KNOW HOW TO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT!!!! They drip with a sociopathic apathy, cynicism, racism, sexism and the like, BUT they get perceived as "normal" because outside people who do not KNOW them, ASSIGN their OWN perception of what normal is, to the neurotic, sociopathic "silent-mouths"!!!! It's a neat trick!! Just SHUT UP AND DO JACK SHIT, and everyone will LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! [end random point]

I do not NEED to make threats or get violent! My commonwealth of alienated sub-cultures has already BECOME violent. It's done! This is phase II. A mouthpiece needs to evolve.

MY MISSION STATEMENT:

Let me start with addressing the problem in a few statements.

A failure rate of 15 out of 16 rapists NOT put in jail is UNACCEPTABLE by ANY standard. The excuse of "you can't get them all" holds nothing. The cops and district attorneys MUST KNOW how systematic this is because the recipe is blasted all across the media today. The woman is so overwhelmed by the rape that she does not report it; she tries to bury it. If it goes to trial at all, the jury is so pro-rape that they blame HER, accuse her of lying, say she asked for it, trivialize the rape or some other bullshit excuse not to convict the rapist and let him go free. Therefore when the district attorney, the lawyer, the juror, the cops and whoever else see this failure and do nothing, they KNOW that they are supporting rape and are therefore ACCESORIES and cowards. My raped female friends are one of the topics of focus of this statement.

The Columbine massacre PROVED that ALL kids have the potential to be as hot as that, so it set the tone for ALL schools!!!! When you suffer in silence nothing happens, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. ANOTHER saying: If you keep on doing what you've already done, you're going to keep on getting what you already have!

The moral problems in the modern world have become so EXTREME and SYSTEMATIC that no community pillar, activist, civil rights leader or other figure can address them!

The pussy Christians that see mass media, institutions and active efforts in dating an outright SIN. That Christian guy on AOC said that at some point a few decades ago, parents quit raising their kids to go into politics, that it was left out of the equation, unlike a generation before. WHAT THE FUCK???????

Chris Bullen had said "then one soul is saved; and another and another..." he missed the point by a trillion miles!!!!!!!!

ALL churches have FAILED! Pre-marital sex is at supposedly 90%. This is the POST Christian era of America. Conservatives have compromised themselves so badly that there is no difference between them and liberals. Christians have compromised themselves to that of Devil worshipers. The ONE PARTY system of the Republi-crats is doing NOTHING. People just get overwhelmed and give up. Variables in the modern world exist today that DID NOT EXIST a few decades ago, and therefore no frame of reference exists as to how to deal with the problems of the modern world. We are FUCKING using logic and models of the year 1920 to address the problems of the year 2057.

Cliches and excuses such as "you can't save the world", "God is in control", "Rome wasn't built in a day", "what can one person do?", "get over it", and the like, start out as a supposedly rational thought, but degenerate into an excuse, and then degenerate FURTHER into the ACTUAL ACTION ITSELF. We can throw away the Bible, the catechism, the Constitution and any other document that was intended to make a difference and just say "Fuck it; you can't save the world".

When someone tries to say that I am too extreme, or that I shouldn't "take matters into my own hands", they can provide NO FORMULA at all that is supposed to guide people in determining when a situation becomes intolerable. Today's leaders have no such formula, which is of course, going to be very complex if it is ever written. It's got to start with a certain line being crossed or some type of cataclysmic event to signify that convention has failed and the time for dissension is justified.

If I were so FUCKING wrong, then the people who denounce me wouldn't NEED TO LIE AND BULLSHIT SO MUCH! Under their logic, I am the kook BUT they are the ones with NO ANSWERS, NO TRUTH, NO CONSISTENCY!! That is yet another huge indication that something is wrong, very wrong.

And as far as my nerd rage of being the guy that doesn't get the girls, I was told by peers and family that it was all going to play out and not to worry about it. Things have gotten 1000 times worse!!!!!!!!!!! Now that I am an older, I have grown MORE and MORE apart from women than EVER before!!!!!!!!!!! The more I have resisted with my conservative morality, the more I have become a mutant freak in the eyes of women and the more the moral slump of this nation claims more and more women, the more and more we are COMPLETELY INCOMPATIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then with my fucking bipolar fucking me up, I am broke and am not financially stable, so women size me up according to my paycheck and that is just the icing on the cake. I'm FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!

The emotional OVERHEAD of how the bullshit has been, has made it to the point where no woman could possibly be worth the FUCKSHIT that I've gone through in THEIR name!!!!!!!!!! There HAS to be a boiling point of some sort, because if there is not, then it is the EXACT SAME AS GIVING UP!!!!!!!!! Like being a 75 year old virgin and finally finding the right woman in a retirement home! Oh! How romantic!! BULLSHIT!!! I have become a POSTER BOY FOR PROMISCUITY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any stupid idiot horny teenager from Ville Platte will just look at me and the story of my life and say FUCK THIS SHIT, I'm getting laid!!!!!!!!!!! I'm proof that defending morals and virginity is for LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catholics and other Christians build AROUND PUSSY!!!!! As long as they're getting LAID nothing else matters, FUCK IT!!!

Just like the commonwealth of so-called moderates! It's a "super denominator"!!

Like I told Octo when I realized it. My life is MORE fucked up than the ones that were fucking and doing drugs in high school!!!!

1980s?? Dad (when it came to standing up for yourself) can you eat your pride? When they call you and say your family will be killed, then what are you going to do? or something... HUH???????????

[a few more points...]

[1] Very few males go through the extreme emasculation that guys like me do, the WAY that I did and to take it ON like I did! Most of them just bury it or the pre-marital pussy satiates them! If they try to lecture me, they do not know what the FUCK they are talking about!!!!

[2] Women call me CRAZY but I did this for THEM! I have been betrayed by them...

[2009] The shit with [mall name] where I made a violent statement and she cut me out of her life. So I guess women like her LIKE rapist wife beaters!!!!!!

[3] An expose' on the psycho killers sometime 98 or earlier was that their pain is so GREAT, that they have to SHARE it. That pegged it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kirk Fontenot quote WED FEB 17 2010:

When one person uses violence to accomplish something, they call it being a vigilante.

When MANY people use violence to accomplish something, they call it government!

Conservatives have receded and receded so badly that there is nothing left to give up or sell out!!!!

[around the year 2000] Pussy Christian radio piece that said dating takes time away from God and family! HUH?? I wanted to BOIL that moron in OIL!!

That Yahoo cocksucker who IMs me in the chat room and says this isn't a room for picking up older people. HUH??? What gave him ANY authority?? So I say "fuck" every other word and ask how the hell am I supposed to meet anyone and all he can say is something like, "It'll happen." What the FUCK?

Apathetic about MEETING the opposite sex, but not apathetic about MARRIAGE??? I concluded that it is like putting untrained first-day marine recruits into the battle field, and only THEN saying to try hard!!

"I'm not a Yahag looking for a hookup." Wants $$$$$$$, and had some ultra-loser bitch comment in her profile.

One time it got so fucking bad that my Mom or Dad or whatever said "Kirk, we're tired of hearing this!" So I snapped BACK at them...

"Well I'm tired of LIVING IT!!!!!!!!"

FUCK!! What the fuck kind of parental response was THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Women, as well as most men, misinterpret everything about me completely bass-ackwards:

[example 1] The world tells me that I have to show confidence when going after women, so if I do, then I am told that I need to "tone it down" and "cool it" because I "come all at once". If I do (tone it down), I am then told that I am not aggressive enough.

[example 2] If I am aggressive in displaying a point for morality like virginity until marriage, I am told that I am "crazy"; if others act as assholes and rapists, then they are regarded as manly men!!

[example 3] When I tell it like it is, the world says that I am whining like a baby and need to "grow up". If I show any humility, I am told that I have no confidence and am unsure of myself. If I don't bow down and suck cock to someone, I am told that I am self-righteous and need to "realize" that I "don't know everything".

A typical day of my life is me seeing a woman being gang raped, to which I protest and yell at the guys doing it. I know better than to call the Police, because, like with my previous experience, they are on the rapists side. The woman BEING RAPED calls me a loser who is jealous of the guys raping her! THE UNIVERSE OF KIRK FONTENOT!!

The precedent that has been established is that I have NO CIVIL RIGHTS and that when I want a substantive relationship that IS DIRTY AND EVIL! I am told to worship and suck the cock of rapist MAN-SLUTS that beat the shit out of women!!!

The world tells me that everything about myself is UGLY!!

The world orders me not to have emotion!!

My Atari 2600, Atari 400 and Commodore 64 were my PURIFICATION CHAMBERS! ANYTHING I could do to NOT be one of the crowd, was good!

People use this bullshit line, "I don't get myself into that situation". Wait a fucking minute!!! So there is a growing underworld of rapists and psychos to which we have to carefully concede more and more of our freedoms & territory???

A school shooting, like the Columbine one, was the tip of the iceberg. There is a huge generation gap that leaves the bad kids in class to influence the other kids more than ever. The modern world has given us the pornification of our everyday lives. Under pop-culture, cool kids rise to status, which creates the uncool kids. Tensions grow and get worse. Parents are oblivious and powerless. There had to have been a building culture of hate, at Columbine highschool, for that type of massacre to happen. Pissy gun control laws are not the answer.

[end of mission statement]

[***Timeline Start***]

FUCK

I don't even know where to fucking start! I don't know if I should use separate documents for individual instances or just one big document.

Started school in Kindergarten Fall 1978

[my teacher] in Kindergarten yelled at me for putting stripes on the eggs that I colored for an assignment. She had this mean bitchy growling face and was saying I "ruined" them!! She bitched at me for seemingly not being able to color a picture of a grasshopper good enough. FUCK! I had colored under the grasshopper to make grass and I couldn't tell if she was bitching at me for that also! She showed me Jonathan Bordelon's picture and said to do it like THAT. What the FUCK? One of the things I hear all the time is to not dog kids like that for trivial BULLSHIT, especially at an early age!!!!

I wanted to write with the chalk so fucking bad! So when class let out I was the last kid to take off from the class room and RAN to the tray under the board and grabbed the yellow chalk and ZIG ZAG ZIG ZAG drew a bunch of lines all over back and forth and it felt so good! I grabbed the eraser to wipe it and HUH????????? The eraser didn't do shit!!! The writing stayed!! OH SHIT!! Somebody peeled off the paper of a yellow crayon and stuck it in the chalkboard tray!!! OH SHIT OH FUCK!!!!! I hauled my little five year old ass the FUCK out of there and took off like a bat out of Hell!

The next morning [my Teacher] was looking at it and I guess approximated a time of the incident and saw that I was one of the last kids to leave, so she says like "Did you do this Kirk?" She was all nice and innocent and soft and perfect with angelic eyes so tender that they could end wars!! I was like (in my head) YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU CHEWED ME OUT AND EAT MY FACE OFF AND GROWL IN MY FUCKING FACE AND YOU WANT TO FLUSH ME OUT ALL TENDER AND LOVING LIKE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING DESTROY MY TESTICLES THE SPLIT SECOND I ADMIT TO IT????????????????????? NO FUCKING THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I played stupid and innocently shook my head "no" and said "No Ma'am", and there you go! Cover my ass!! And of course my justification was that it was a DAMNED ACCIDENT but she would NOT have cared as she ate my face off and dumped me in boiling oil. SO FUCK IT!!!!!! I LEARNED, IN A SPLIT SECOND, TO LIE!!!! It's pathetic that a five year old child learns REAL QUICK how to react to the BULLSHIT of adults, that are supposed to be so much more evolved - yeah right! If only my self-serving ruthless primal instincts in life would have taken root DEEPER and I would have learned to treat women like shit and beat the fuck out of them, then I would have a FUCKING wife by now and all of this BULLSHIT would be over!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I'll start with the juicy encompassing one first.

THE MALE NERD SUB-CULTURE!!!

This wasn't something that came out all at once, so a lot of this I will say the account of, but the realizations ABOUT them came to me in RETROSPECT. I can't even say when this shit started but the all-white school that I went to, Sacred heart elementary, had a very backward atmosphere. Any white racist parent that wants their white kids to not be with black kids, just send their kids there. The generation gap exists so kids form their own values on the school grounds by acting on their childish instincts, and in many cases, rage that has already taken root in them, and putting together some clusterfucked "patch and stitch" semblance of a frame of reference that they use for morality FOR THE REST OF THEIR FUCKING LIFE!!

Sports is a big deal, so if you can't catch a FUCKING ball, you're fucked! That comes into play in the fifth grade when P.E. is a class instead of just another recess, and the asshole kids start yelling at the nerds because they fucked up a play on the fucking field. This escalates.

My main enemies in school were [Monster Mash], [Tan], and [Fence]. Monster Mash later (much later) got cool with me and later confessed to me that since his parents got divorced when he was 5, that he spent the next 15 years taking it out on everyone else. That explained a lot. He always seemed that he had to be the coolest kid, and was always had this new and cool expression or tone or attitude or something to emanate. He was DYING inside, but he came across as together and cool, which is the case for just about anyone that comes across today as a big shot cocky dickhead. They say that sexual abuse victims do this a lot. Fence, as best as I have been able to put together from gossip, had a father that beat him, which makes so much sense in retrospect. He got in fights and shit like that. Tan, I started to think had an abusive father as well. He would laugh and brag about how his family only kept one female cat, and when she would have kittens, they would shoot them. He laughed and cackled one time when a kitten quivered and shook when it was shot before it died; he mimicked it by doing it with his own body. He was very amused by this. One time, from his barrage of insults, he yelled in my face that he would "take off this belt and beat your ass like your daddy never did" so that means that he was smart enough to know that I didn't have an abusive father like he did, and he dealt with it by rationalizing that his ass whippings were making him TOUGH and that I was a pussy because I didn't have a piece of shit father that beat my fucking ass just for the fuck of it.

And that was my fucking life from about the fifth grade until the eighth.

THIRD GRADE

There was this bullshit story where two boys SHOVED and KNOCKED a girl down in the snow and wet her homework so she had to miss the Nutcracker special to do her homework over. So this was a so-called "Christian" book that cited that she was "above" retaliation or reporting the boys and the moral of the story was to do NOTHING! Conveniently her textbooks were not ruined! So what now? Violence against women at an early age needs to be ENFORCED by raising little girls to blindly accept it when boys get violent with them?

Early 80s???? My grandma kicking into this house wife with the rolling pin and getting married routine. I said I'm not getting married unless I really really lover her. Dad immediately jumped on me with haste and agitation: Yeah yeah yeah Kirk, ok ok ok ok ok! WHAT THE FUCK???????? He hates the fucking superficial mushy shit so much that he hates anything tied to really dealing with REAL love and romance and shit!!!!!!

FOURTH GRADE

Let me see...

The first real memory I have of this was one time in the fourth grade where Miss Betty Fontenot somehow got on the subject and told the whole class that something like "you just pick and pick on Kirk", so I jumped in and said that I HATED sports. This was my some kind of rationale that I was somehow a resistor and I wasn't going to break, so bring it on. This was before P.E. was an actual class so the REAL bullshit didn't start until the next year.

I heard a student got his ass whipped the fuck out of by D.L. Vidrine for not having a belt and I was like FUCK I never remembered being told that we had to have belts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I didn't have one and of course got one because I didn't want the unholy wrath of that piece of shit D.L. Vidrine!! But this is what teachers do! They fucking make up a rule in their own head and PUNISH YOUR FUCKING ASS because you broke it, because you weren't able to READ THEIR FUCKING MIND!!!!!!!!!!!

That time D.L. Vidrine pulled the SHIT out of [cube]'s hair for turning his thumb down!!!! He was so fucking red I could see his red skin from just looking at the back of his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regret not fucking killing D.L. Vidrine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIFTH FUCKING GRADE

As best as I can put it, the first memory of "you can't catch the fucking ball" was when we were playing football and I didn't know what the fuck was going on and I blocked Tan. He barked at me or some shit and I said something like "well I had to block you" and he just got in my fucking face with this big eyed agitation and said "I'm on your damned team!", like I was supposed to know what the fuck was going on. These assholes had sports bombarded in their lives for years growing up and I just knew my Atari 2600 and my cats.

RED, BLUE AND GREEN!

THIS was the SEED to the Nazi-fuck!!!!!! Oh FUCK, how did I almost forget this one? One time going to P.E. or something, Cheese Taco (one of my friends that back-stabbed me a million times) ran up to me and told me that all this shit went down because something like DoDa bet PEgirl92 a dollar that she wasn't "green". So some shit happened like BB "made out" with Quarter, AB "made out" with PEgirl92; all during a football game or some shit. Quarter and AB were best friends, and I think still are. So then the fucking "gang colors" were invented. Green meant that you had never made out and were scared; blue meant that you never did it either but weren't scared, and Red meant that you had crossed over into coolness and earned something like a FUCKING Klingon rite of passage and had conquered the FUCKING UNIVERSE because you made out with a FUCKING girl (usually under the bleachers and a football game). FUCK ME. So that shit escalated.

As much as I am accounting for detail, I still have to say that a LOT of this is one big mind-fuck blur. Childhood trauma gets condensed I guess. Now where the fuck am I?

6th grade

SIXTH FUCKING FUCKING BULLSHIT GRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

THIS was where the ass-rape really started! This is where the kids were feeling their oats! FUCK! Again, a lot of this is all a cluster-fuck blur. Well I had been picked on for being skinny and I finally got so distraught that I begged my Dad to take me to the doctor as if I could do something to gain weight or learn how to catch a FUCKING ball or something, and I took a blood test and Doctor Soileau said all that was wrong with me was that I had a cold. So the next time Tan was ripping into me I yelled at him that I took a blood test and nothing was wrong with me for being skinny. So then he just snaps back instantly (see under the asshole bully smart ass psychology, the goal is not to come back with anything logical, but just to come back with some kind of bullshit FAST, and then you seem cool) something like "they took out all of your blood? Kirk's the NO BLOOD MAN!" So for like a fucking spree for 2 years he would scream "HEY WHAT'S UP NO BLOOD? THERE GOES NO BLOOD! IT'S THE NO BLOOD MAN!!" It's amazing how a nothing nonsense bullshit meaningless phrase can just be turned into a FUCKING weapon of hate!! FUCK!!

And as always I TOOK the bullshit advice of parents and teachers of "not stooping to their level" , "two wrongs don't make a right" and all this shit like "it's just words" but they were warping and oppressing me, and I didn't see how deeply they were fucking me over till years and years later...

Before or after this shit, he was being a dick to me at P.E. and we started shoving each other, so I was fighting back, and for a few days, the other guys were cheering me on and pleased with me and were impressed. It's amazing! It took me fucking over 20 years to realize that if I would have just BROKE THEIR FUCKING NOSES OR JAWS, I may have gotten spanked, suspended or whatever but I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO LATER LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE IN PEACE, so I was PUNISHED for being the kid who listened to his teachers and parents when he chose not to fight. And I am still being punished for it because if I would have FUCKING learned to be a FUCKING wife beating rapist and womanizer then I would have been married by now and have HAD SEX by now, and none of this would matter! ALL the guys who got in fights during elementary and high school got LAID and all the Generation X'ers who broke all of the rules got the fucking dates and boyfriends/girlfriends and me going against the grain in life didn't accomplish JACK SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO FUCKING FIGURE...

So, when you are in MY situation, the moral of the story is...

PULL A COLUMBINE 1999 and shoot up the FUCKING school! Anything else will result with you being a 95 year old virgin popping a Viagra just so you can jack off, or fuck a little child in the ass, whichever scenario you degenerate into...

So THIS BULLSHIT is what I am trying to PREVENT; I hope that the idiot parents and idiot teachers can make some waves and the future would-be killers can be reached and that we can address schoolyard exclusion, elitism, bullying and such.

[June 2011] You see, I gotta deal with the principal 5 minutes a YEAR; I gotta deal with the students 8 hours a DAY!!! Who do you think can do more damage to me? Me NOT getting into fights did more psychological damage to me than ANY suspension or expulsion could have done (than had I actually gotten into the fights to make those bullies leave me alone) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The clusterfuck where all three of them were in the office. Zoo Keeper said he would go to the office if it were him. So I did because of what he said. Tan said I called his dad a "you know that cuss word? D-I-C-K" and I knew if I interjected, that D.L. Vidrine would bite my head off! So how does a fucking 13 year old BRAT outsmart a fucking 60 something year old principal???

THEN when my Dad leaves and D.L. Vidrine gets me alone, he growls at me with the long rant about to not DARE EVER CALL MY DAD AGAIN EVER, so I just patronized him and nodded me head and said "OK" and KNEW that if some shit like this ever went down again I would FUCKING CALL MY FUCKING DAD IN A HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And like almost everything that happened to me back then, I didn't realize how much my CIVIL RIGHTS WERE BEING ASSAULTED AND VIOLATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have just killed his ass and finished with this bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! An asshole principal like that TODAY could be sued and FIRED AND JAILED FOR SHIT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN somebody was fucking with me shortly after that shit went down, and one of the assholes sneered, [Leave him alone! Or he'll go to tell on you to his DAD!] Which was so fucking funny because it was ad ADMISSION that they were asshole bullies and they were attacking with yet a NEW angle of hate to punish me for not sucking their cocks to begin with!!! Of course the guy left me alone, which was also kind of funny because now I can say that going to my Dad FUCKING WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, if I could do it over I would have said FUCK YOU ASSHOLE and beat the fuck out of the asshole who said that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6th grade Monster Mash kicking water on my back. Now you have two people to worry about.

6th grade? Teacher [teacher] pulled my hair when I apparently attempted to put my tray on the counter. Like I was supposed to read her fucking mind!!!!! And what the fuck was she doing???? You need a fucking TEACHER to grab the trays to put on the counter instead of the students just putting it themselves??? CAJUNOMIC ANAL RETENTIVENESS!!!!

FUCK...

These guys were so filled with RAGE and just were so lost and confused that they had to take it out on ANYONE that was around!! They saw my difference as weakness and it was a reminder that someone out there can shine like a light, which they had to DESTROY!! One time when I was 31 with Octo, I made some comment that me being bipolar must have added to the juice of the bullying at Sacred Heart that it made me even MORE of a target by the bullies and he said "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", as if it wasn't even debatable. And when I got into college, I realized that [two nerds I know] did the same thing!!! My eccentricism is an indicator that some people are not as dreary and bland as they are and THEY FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kirk Fontenot MUST BE DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One time Cheese Taco just runs up to me in the morning while we were walking down the hall and was FUMING and WHALING about some bullshit that he just got back-stabbed or dissed or some stupid shit and he says something like "My ONLY two friends I got are [Jake] and [Frank] and THAT IS IT!!!!!!!!", like I didn't count!!! It was fucking amazing!!! Now one may think that this was an IMPLIED thing that I was one of his friends (because he was TALKING to me) and therefore didn't mention me, but THIS WAS HIS TRACK RECORD!!!! He was so self absorbed and drowning in his HATE AND RAGE that it didn't even OCCUR to him that he was shitting in my face that I was someone to go bitch to, but not anyone that MEANT anything to him as any sort of friend!!!! The arrogance was amazing!!! It fit him so much, so this is not a jump at all!!!!! PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The "dirty poem" note:

Somebody in our class wrote a note that somehow or another ended up in a student's hands. It read something like [Aunt Jemima is so pretty and meatball for her titties. She has scrambled eggs between her legs. I took her to a party and she turned around and farted; I asked her why she did it and she turned around and shitted!]

Paul Chapman said he had a BAD note to give to teacher Jeanette Clark. They punished the whole class by keeping us in at recess until the culprit broke. [teacher] even said he was going to make the coaches kick all the guys off of the baseball team!! CAN YOU FUCKING BEAT IT???????? Johnny Fontenot told that to Coach Jeff and Coach Jeff just smiled, like he knew [teacher] was full of bullshit. That shit lasted for a day or two before it finally blew over! I mean this punish the whole class shit is NAZISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[teacher]'s GREATEST HIT! There was a bully that was something like five years older than me and was pretty big. Something or another happened and that asshole shoved me to the ground. I flew in angle downward like a yard and I hit my fucking back on the elevated part of the high ditch. I think other shit happened and I started crying like FUCK and said I'm going to [teacher], and he sneered "What is he gonna do???" So I said "Punish you!" and he SNEERED, "[teacher] ain't gonna do me NOTHING..."

So I went crying across the school grounds around the stone yellow building of the bathrooms and by happenstance saw [teacher] and went to him. [teacher] walked over to him and he got all pseudo-angry like a wimpy 2 year old and was bitching at him and the bully just moped and didn't even look him in the eye and looked in the other direction... AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT... all sagging and dreary and dripping with sarcasm and [teacher] just TOOK IT IN THE ASS!!!!

How in the FUCK did this guy know [teacher] was a FUCKING ASSHOLE PUSHOVER PUSSY???????????????????????

How in the FUCKING FUCK does a 17 year old piece of shit asshole violent predator KNOW THE EXACT INNER BRAIN WORKINGS OF A 60 something year old VICE PRINCIPAL and can play him like a FUCKING FIDDLE??????????????????

But [teacher] knew how to CRACK THAT WHIP when I was in the FUCKING equation and yet the kids who deserve it are able to FUCK [teacher] IN THE ASS and he GOBBLES IT UP like a fucking two cent whore, giving up her diseased pussy in the alley at two o-clock in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[teacher] pulled my hair in front of the class, for having some sort of a problem with a math question or some trivial bullshit.

[5th or 6th] [teacher] making up a rule. If you didn't SAY ONE WORD, you can leave!

Fence had bitched to me that I cried over kids my age yelling at me, when THEY had grown men yelling at them. I knew that was bullshit but later concluded that it was because of the peer factor. Adults have a barrier between them and us, but not with the other kids, so the kids bitching at me hurts far worse, not the other way around. Besides his whole argument was bullshit because nobody should be yelling at anyone, especially kids over a fucking game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta love sports!!!!!

7th grade

This is one reason why I don't have as much hate for [teacher] as I could, I was fucking fighting with a fucking math problem and because (I guess because of my cataracts) I thought an "i" variable was a number "1" or maybe the other way around, and fought and fought and couldn't get it and started crying in the middle of fucking class, so she came and was all calm and nice and helped point it out to me and later I saw that it was because I mistook the "i" for a "1" or whatever. My point to all of this shit is that I was wound up SO FUCKING TIGHT OVER THERE that it didn't take much to set me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7th grade put deodorant on their clothes - Fence just hit me just to do it. Tan, if it's Kirk I'll kill him!! How in the fuck would he suspect ME unless he had to ADMIT he FUCKED with me???

7th grade? D.L. Vidrine bitching at a mass about water pistols and balloons! I NEVER heard or saw JACK SHIT of that ever happening!!! And he was doing like it was a big OL' FUCKING crisis!! IN CHURCH!!!!!

Cheese Taco walking from the set of bleachers; "I was a mistake". Since the fucking fourth grade it was some bipolar Dr Jekyll Mister Hyde shit. He said his mom beats his back and ass.

7th grade? Fence ran up to me while I was talking with Cube and knocked the fuck out of me from behind.

7th grade P.E. [Lake] and the bruised eye. D.L. Vidrine whips him and later he ripped a cat in half and got put in Cyprus mental health institution!!! Apparently D.L. Vidrine's 1920s logic of giving him and ass whipping with a belt for like 45 seconds REALLY worked well!!!!!!!!

Another time some shit went down with a field trip that the band students were taking. They get there and something happened that amounted to a cancellation or some shit. So some of the students went straight home and so came back to school to finish the day! So the teachers get pissed that some students decided to skip school and slammed them with some make-up work/punish work. My memory is fuzzy but it was like ALL of the band students got fucked, even though some actually came back to school!!! [teacher] said to the band students that came back to school that it built character when the band students that CAME BACK TO SCHOOL were punished, even though they DID NOT SKIP!!!! BUILT CHARACTER?????? I later found out that she had an asshole abusive father and that made so much FUCKING sense!!!! And just like Tan was trying to convince himself that he was TOUGH because he has an abusive father (with his comment about how my Dad never beat me), [teacher] was trying to do the some of the band students!! Which was when you are overwhelmed by something that you KNOW IS EVIL, you CONFORM TO IT and come up with this bullshit like "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" so you don't have to FIX the fucking problem at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well fuck!!! The Jews that survived the holocaust should THANK the Nazis because it didn't kill them, and therefore made them STRONGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course!!!!! Let's pass a law that all girls in the 3rd grade have to get gang raped for 12 weeks in a Bosnia-type rape camp to MAKE THEM STRONGER!!!!!! Fuck it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's make it 16 weeks instead!!!! Of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm such a DUMB-ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man! This was an ass fuck! We were playing 7th and 8th grade mixed, boys and girls mixed softball! Eric Buller (who later married Julie Tate) gave me six strikes and Miss Bochet seemed to be cool with it. So on the sixth swing, I hit it and get out at first base. Fence was just shaking his head in putrid contempt and smiling with a shit eating cock gobbling grin and I just SNAPPED. I ran to him to hit him, and even THEN I was thinking not to go for the face to be too violent, FUCK, me being the peace maker! So I run to him with so much uncontrollable rage that I fall on my hands but then get back up and just start shoving him and hitting him and crying like FUCK.

Then I was already crying and SCREAMED to the whole bunch (in front of the boys and girls mixed) something like, I CAN'T PLAY ANY BETTER -----------YOU JUST CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE???????????????

And that was the THEME for the rest of my life!!! I just get fucked with and fucked with until I BREAK or RETALIATE!!!! I refuse to break, so I am going to retaliate!!

So Miss Bochet takes me aside and felt sorry for me and tells me something consoling which didn't do jack shit for me, so I forgot what the fuck she said...

At some point I asked Tan, why do you hate me so much? And he just winces and says, You KNOW why!!

I got that bullshit 4H dedication song to me "I want muscles" and it was so funny! HA HA HA FUCKING HA!!!!

[1985???] Monster Mash at boy scouts, then went bitch that Octo and I showered early so no one saw our dicks.

Octo

[random notes aside from the obvious timeline of incidents with him...]

2006? 2007? I said "lotta if's" ---rockets have gone off!!!! HALLELULIAH!!!!!! He loves to see the human spirit broken!!!!!!!!!!!

[date/year????] Octo: I set my expectations for the lowest possible so I am never disappointed. He said this with a proud shit eating grin!! Like he was so smart to turn off his soul and feel no pain and live in a world with no consequence! I feel nothing so nothing hurts me!

[2002???] generic cyber political ideas yeah how is that gonna put food on the table. I told him if my ideas take off, I'll be able to put plenty of food on the table! WTF???????????????

2006? He sees my grid19 - sneers - whats THAT --you see if you'd do something USEFUL!!!!

[2006???] He sneers at women who say --must like children-- YEAH because you have 2 or three of them!!!

[mid to late 2000s] VP 800 mhz you're a scary freak (did NOT elaborate!! -when I asked him to itemize my bipolar he gave these dry bullshit elements and nothing that was grounds to say I was a "scary freak", so either he was holding back or LYING now!!!!), you're ignoring pop culture, so your gonna change all this and the women are going to be beating your door down???????????? MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND, IS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO DEFEAT OR DOES IT NOT EXIST AT ALL?? But you see that is his logic and his EXACT theology: If it becomes impossible to defeat, THEN it becomes something that doesn't exist!

I asked about some recent clusterfuck with some woman or some shit and he just SIGHS and says - that's the most complex thing....

...AND???????????????????????

Like that was some sort of ANSWER!!! That is his theology - just give up!!!!!!!!!!!

I said why is God doing this to me, he says [wife] asked herself that for half her life so you're not the only one - so I fucking emailed him and said that knowing her pain ADDS to my anger NOT takes away from it, because now I have TWO people to be pissed for. Like I am supposed to take it all in the ass because it can always be worse!!!!!!!!!!

[one of the last communications about my stuff] your view of reality is skewed, this is your cross that you have to bear- like God fucks people just to do it - he offered no fucking rationale or recourse or grounds to say about growth occurs or some sort of trial or nothing!!!!

Octo - some bullshit like "From the things you have been saying, you are contradicting Catholic teachings" He did not elaborate at all!!! What doctrine was I contradicting??????????? You'd think if it was a big deal, he would have had a case that he would want me to see!! So I responded by saying it is not Catholic teachings to put your finger in your ass; I want some results!! He extends his bullshit further and further as the years pass. Like interracial marriages are a liberal thing! Like when he said these liberal atheist teachers in academia "They're so liberal ------- they don't even know they're liberal; to them it's just normal!" He's the same way with his "do nothing" theology!!!!

2000s Octo called Hooters "good clean American fun" MR CATHOLIC!

He rationalizes my whole life away in two seconds - Kirk's just fucked and God MADE it that way for NO reason at all!!!!!!!! Oh well! I wander what's on TV tonight?

common with Cho Seung-Hui (Virginia Tech gunman of April 16, 2007)- suicide, stalking, bizarre writings, he drudges that up after 12 years and having apologized

Bizarre writings?????????? GEEEEEEEEEEEZ, he didn't EXPLAIN!!! But that's how it is with NAZI imperialists!! They don't NEED to explain because they are so entrenched!!!! Like [Butongyi?] says that the only person stopping me from dating was ME! HUH???? No details? No specifics? In other words, he was LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He refused to deal with a reality that there is a such thing as foul play!!!!!!!! Like when [mcdonalds] and [wing commander 4] were saying that if you are a good candidate you'll get the donations!! HUH?? There is no such thing as foul play???????

on phone: When I was saying about making waves. He says "Who are you to do that?", like is there a COMMITTEE I gotta first get approval from OR SOMETHING???? I mean FUCK, you take initiative!!!!!!!

One of the BEST: In yahoo chat, he was saying his usual bullshit and I said like "Well I don't count for shit because I am a crazy bipolar. And you are not hell raiser material, so who's job is it to fix these things?" He then types back like "That has to be left up to the individual", and I said Octo!! If that is true, then I don't NEED the Bible, the Catholic Church or even Jesus Christ to be saved! I forget where the argument went next. He was pulling from a bullshit reality that there is no such thing as help, influence, or intervention! He just sees all people as all on these separate islands just like he has built for himself, and can't imagine life any other possible way!!!!!!!!!!! And he has to destroy anyone else who dares challenge him!!!!!

I said I think you over reached when you said that could have been anything, that I obsessed about, like my activist goals or all a part of my bipolar reality. Then Octo says, I think I offended you but it's just that you seem so miserable! I am like what the fuck, so I need to give up my only goals to be HAPPY????????????????

One time in yahoo chat Octo stated that when my doctor and counselor cited the need for practicality that they ended Octo's quest to find the right statement for me. He obviously saw that as the explanation.

[2006???] So I ask Octo in an email, What am I hardwired to do? Like what the fuck am I missing and what the fuck is he exactly trying to SAY?? SPEAK ENGLISH!!!! What is this??? Smoke signals and telepathy?????????? So he emails me back and says "get to Heaven" At least he had an inkling to say that he knew it was not satisfying for me to hear that and some bullshit about something like "you gotta keep at it" or some bullshit...

Mid to late 1980s------- Realm of impossibility REJOICED, cackled and ERRUPTED in laughter when no victory sequence came on!

1980s----------------Hacker, cited with extreme dispassion and even agitation, you see how you are now? You're gonna be saying it's no big deal when we are trying to figure out the next one!

Late 1980s---------------------------(ripped off from star trek the next generation) Idealistic fool? Our founding fathers were some rich FUCKS - we're some POOR FUCKS!!!!

Mid 1980s-------------The laser gun. He looked at me like I raped his kitten.

Mid 1980s--------------Evangeline bread. That's what you ate! And that was about it!

seventh grade - I had told [teacher] when she said "roll with the punches" and I said "and throw your own sometimes" and Octo said "I don't like your proverbs" WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????? He hates any resistance or defiance!!!!

8th grade

8th grade D.L. Vidrine made us march with our books until our arms hurt. Making up a rule in his own head that we have to read his mind and follow. He said we were too noisy in the FUCKING halls that morning!!!! And the next FUCKING morning Miss Eva said that D.L. Vidrine wanted to thank us for being quiet! If I could do it over again, I would NOT have marched and BEAT THE SHIT OUT of D.L. Vidrine!!!!!!!!!

[moving violations] got buddy buddy with me out of the blue.

I sat by him in the bus and he just snapped at me and was a dick and told me to get out. That field trip "we want some pussy" when the teachers were gone. At the end of the day he then apologized, then was a dick again in the following days.

[moving violations] drew that picture of me with the ugly face and Vicki Cassine bitched him out.

Then when I call him on being "stuck up" he says "I am NOT stuck up; you're a nerd." (Oh! I almost forgot this one! I remembered this later...) And Kirk, when I hung out with you I WAS A NERD TOO!! Like he had cleansed himself of this evil impurity of my disgusting being! And he now did a 180 degree psychological and spiritual conversion (in like a week or something) and was this evolved human that had gone through this biological metamorphic process like being in a cocoon and came out as a BUTTERFLY of being "cool"!!! And he just left behind the disgusting legacy of having been friends with this pathetic nerd Kirk Fontenot!! All was forgiven!!! He was PURE AND HOLY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then he said, I'm so glad that you're going to Ville Platte High! I hope a big nigga beats you up! And this is a BIG theme at Sacred Heart since "stuck up" and racist go hand in hand. Every single white kid that called me a nerd was also a FUCKING racist, so it was all one big glob!!!!!!! And there was no black people to pick on, so they had to INVENT another "minority" for them to hate, so they can feel better about themselves!!!

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fake love note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find this note in my desk or book or something and it was a miniature composition page that was a big letter from supposedly this girl that was infatuated with me. It went on and on about how she had a dream that I wanted to date her and she hoped her dream came true! She said she had a crush on me since the (something like) fifth grade and all this shit! [moving violations] was there when I found it and read it, so I later gave it to him to read and he said that note was too good to be true! Amazing! And "too good to be true" was going to be the theme FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Octo went to Cheese Taco's house where Cube and a bunch of other guys were, where they played for hours and hours with water guns, and Cube told Octo the WHOLE story! Two girls, that he named, BB and [LGAMO] decided to fuck with me and wrote two versions and threw away one of them. WHAT THE FUCK? It's like women are such whores and pieces of shit, they see a guy that is the non-conformist and have to attack his ass like he is evil, but they embrace guys who beat the shit out of them and rape them!!! Was it like TEASING ME and playing with my feelings, was something that GOT THEIR PUSSY WET OR SOMETHING?? These were some sick bitches, but yet I am supposed to be the psycho!!!!! Earlier in the year I had even HELPED BB with some bullshit poem for a religion class over the phone! Gratitude huh????

Milk it does the body good! 4H song dedication. Everybody laughed, some asshole wrote it on my green math composition!!!

THE SEX EDUCATION CLASS!!!!!!!!!!

Super bullshit!!! Father Jay Voohries didn't even show up. It was so generic it was PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[on a side note] 1992????? When my my fucking sister (four years younger than I) said that when HER sex ed thing happened, the teachers just so happened to lose the boys tape, so they played the girls tape in front of everyone (boys and girls mixed) and some of the guys were giggling and snickering (tee hee hee) at the girls body functions depicted and the FEMALE teachers saw this in front of their fucking faces and did nothing. SHEEEEEEESH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck me sideways!!!!!

Tan put on my glasses. Knew how to grab my garbage pail kids to get me to submit, I should have just broke his nose and smashed his windpipe.

Bully. I want to kill him. Spit on a cop when I was in Kindergarten.

8th grade - pool party... goodbye and see ya!

HIGH SCHOOL

I got FUCKED RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THAT WASN'T EVEN FOREPLAY or a peck on the fucking CHEEK COMPARED TO THE CHAPPED ASS RAW ASS RAPING THAT I GOT IN COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NINTH FUCKING GRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zoo Keeper hadn't heard from me in about a year and I called to ask about buying his Commodore 64, (which I did) and he was real assholish and rude, cut me off and, YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH what you want????? Of all the fucking people I thought was not going to have a beef with me!! I don't know if he had a bad taste in his mouth because I left Sacred Heart???? Maybe he was in just one of his moods or some shit???? That was our last conversation EVER!!!

ninth grade get aids from kissing, he seemed firm that was not tolerable, but fucked five years later

called a nerd

got written up for unknowingly going to my fucking locker between classes

And FUCK ME FUCK ME - we had these little fucking pathetically DELICATE and very easy to break spring latches that MORONS BUILT, where you had to grab the door latch and squeeze it so it unlatched to be able to get it to open. THEN you had to fucking let it go, get your padlock, get your books, then squeeze the latch AGAIN, and GENTLY GENTLY GENTLY close the fucking door, THEN release the fucking latch AGAIN. THEN slide your padlock into the hole and close your padlock!!

And there were guys who SLAMMED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THOSE delicate virginal latches and just SLAMMED their padlocks into the fucking hole and it chapped my ass like they had it in their ASSHOLE that they were being tough or being a real man to not be prissy or wimpy to be so delicate with something that is so breakable!!! OR SOME SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is MY UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so fucking delicate with those DAMNED things, and WHAT HAPPENS????????????? I get written up and two days of detention for a fucking misunderstanding. If I could do it over again, I would say NO!!!!!!!! And if going to a fucking lawyer or the school board wouldn't have worked, just SHOOT UP THE FUCKING SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!

written up dropping gumballs Linda Austin

dancing [cafdau] P.E.

[wax] passing notes to me and exploding on me because I didn't want to get in trouble.

[teacher] assigning us time tables while we play SOS a million times in front of his fucking face before.

The fucking basketball that guy teacher took from us, like we were supposed to know.

They locked the hall during the lunch hour.

A defining moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was when I first REALLY got some passive pussy vibe from Octo.

I completely forgot what led to this, but for a young male with problems getting the girls, it is going to come up sooner or later. So I made a comment to Octo that was a complaint which was NOT about the fact that I didn't have a girlfriend at the time, BUT at the possibility of EVER having a FUCKING wife AT FUCKING ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even remember if it was even THAT specific!! It was a mild complaint that the variables existed such that it didn't seem logical to think that a girlfriend or even a DATE was just going to fall in our lap by the next weekend!!! So I had some legitimate concern about not only waiting years and years for a first DATE, but just some vague statement about it being a significant issue to just be passive about having a FIRST date at the age of 24 or something, while by that time, people our age would already be married!!!

So he doesn't even MOVE, BLINK OR INHALE and didn't even THINK because there was no PAUSE AT ALL, and he just instantly bats out in a calm and subtle tone:

Well Kirk, when people die in the Catholic church and they are canonized as Saints and if they died a virgin, the Catholic church puts "virgin" in their name.

WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT FUCKING BULSHIT CRAP BULLSHIT DUMB ASS FUCKWITTED BLIND AND IN DENIAL PIECE OF SHIT LOGIC IS THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT FUCKING BULLSHIT?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I MEAN..... FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU BE ANYMORE IN EXTREME AND TOTAL DENIAL ABOUT HOW BAD THINGS ARE AND HOW FUCKED UP THINGS ARE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

IT GETS SO OVERWHELMING THAT THE COOL DOUCHE BAGS GET THE GIRLS (AND YOU DON'T, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY) AND AS EARLY AT THE AGE OF FOURTEEN YOU ALREADY LEARN TO JUST QUIT AND GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S LIKE BEING BROKEN DURING TORTURE IN AN INTERROGATION ROOM BY THE NAZIS OR OSAMA BIN LADEN, AND YOU JUST BREAK AND GIVE THEM THE ACCESS CODES TO THE NUCLEAR BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At another time, Octo made some bullshit rant about how these women that ignore you when you are growing up, and date and fuck all the assholes and/or jocks, wake up through some amoral street smarts and realize that the jocks have no future and the nerds do, so they marry the nerds and fuck them maybe once a month or a few times a year, and have that sugar daddy financial stability and a little psychology of not being alone.

match.com [preggo] whites only, takes a real man

I think I had made some reference about in the future we would be playing trivial pursuit with our parents and girlfriends, and he sneered and said "WHAT girlfriends??????????"

And then [Machine Gun], a guy that (after years after college started and looked back in retrospect) I saw was a nerd in denial, like repressed homosexuals that beat the hell out of open homosexuals, saw a lot of HIMSELF in me and HATED my ass, would stuff notes in my locker and they would say shit like "Hey geek, if you ever want to be cool quit hanging around [WAX] and quit raising your hand in class" I mean FUCK how Nazi deranged do you have to fucking be to even THINK some guy is going to listen to you when you anonymously bitch him out and take this life altering advice so you can be cool by this mysterious figure's standards??? Later he said it was him and downplayed it like it wasn't this dysfunctional thing. Whatever!!!!

This was my first pronounce example of self hatred in the nerd sub-culture; I guess my first taste of that was with Cheese Taco in elementary when he would dog me behind my back and make himself feel good as long as he was putting me down and shitting on me.

[1987???] Heather Rattray bullshit PBS teen kid shit about being drug free... Octo and I laughed at that shit!

SOPHMORE YEAR??????

[LLL] got the cool kids to come see me at my house and take me out for an hour and Machine Gun said to hang out with them, so that was a switch. I didn't know it was [LLL]'s idea until COLLEGE!! HA HA! I then I later found out that for about a year I got on everybody's nerves but somehow managed to do a skin deep assimilation or some shit????? Or I just became an acquired taste??? Michelle told me that she didn't hear SHIT as bad about me as she used to when I first started hanging out with the group!

JUNIOR YEAR

Wanted to blow my head off at the start of the year.

We had this thing in English with Miss Donna where we had to see ourselves in ten years. WHAT A PAINFUL FUCKING MEMORY!!!! The only other things I remember about that having to do with the other students was that Samantha Hadley was clear that she couldn't picture herself specifically in ten years, and that Jeanette Matherne wrote about our class reunion where Eibu Abe was President of the United States and that I was a body builder. Anyway, I was hopeful about the MOTHER FUCKING FUTURE and I wrote that I, being 26, was at my computer job and just came up with some sort of part of a computer program that was a solution to a significant problem that we had been struggling with at work, and my co-workers, being my friends as well, went with me AND MY WIFE to go eat out and celebrate. GO FUCKING FIGURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A FUCKING WIFE AT 26!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR KIRK FUCKING FONTENOT TO ASK FOR; FUCK ME FUCK ME, WHAT THE FUCK??????????

That memory of thinking that it was realistic to be FUCKING MARRIED at 26 is so FUCKING PAINFUL, I MEAN FUCK WHAT THE FUCK, WAS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK FOR??????????????????????????????????????

Later I was bitching to my mom that it looked bleak about me having a date for Junior prom in 1990...

MOTHER FUCK, one of my Mom's friends was on the phone with me and was all super tender, docile and passive, that it was no big deal to not be dating or not have a date for the FUCKING prom, and her daughter's first date was for the junior prom, and that was no horrible thing, and it all was no big deal.

I saw that this was RIDICULOUS but didn't have the extreme dissecting and words for this COWARDICE crap and how I was just supposed to accept that I was a second class citizen!!!!

Machine Gun walks up to me in Advanced Math and gives me a note with a weird look on his face like he was about to ask me for a blowjob. So the note was a big rant about all this advice I should follow to be cool [just like in the ninth grade] and all this shit and at the end he said "destroy this letter" which I did. So I called him and asked if he noticed ANY improvement from me and I forgot what the fuck he said! WHATEVER!!!!

[pump it], can you picture us TOGETHER?????

PROM 1990!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRBR wanted to kick my ass. Almost went hold Miss Phyllis at gunpoint to work the intercom to give the school a lecture to bitch them out and blew my fucking head off.

Junior ring party, and things seemed to get cooler and I was getting eager about the future and less depressed and pessimistic.

SENIOR YEAR

[1990-1991]

Half days all year. Somehow I managed to bounce back and get all hyped up because when college started it was going to be a new beginning and "all this" was going to be behind me. YEAH RIGHT! TALK ABOUT GET FUCKED RAW!!

[Winn Dixie] spent the whole year saying that I needed to go to Florida for Senior Trip and FINALLY GET LAID because what if I got hit by a truck tomorrow, then I would die a virgin! FUCK ME!

I wrote in my journal that girls don't like nice guys.

One time in chemistry [geb] (who I was very attracted to) mentioned her boyfriend with a sigh and said "I don't even know why I'm dating him..." with a look of defeat and dreary "what the fuck ever" tone in her face and voice. THIS was a kick to my balls!!!!!! Here I was failing with fucking women like a fucker, and I saw that the guys who WERE getting the fucking women were such PIECES OF SHIT that the girls just flopped into dating them and were so unsatisfied, yet they CONTINUED to date them, but couldn't even say WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That moment burned into my balls like a nightmare in my asshole!!!!!!

We had gone to the dance club COLORS in Lafayette at a point and there were a few (and one specifically) girls that had this halter top (not much more than a bra) with a small jacket over it. That kind of outfit wasn't so much as blatantly sexual to me, but it was more like a "thing" that a guy could NOT do, which made it very attractive to me! That whole night was like a sample of what kind of girlfriend that I thought might be in my future - this kind of hip, modern, energetic... something... GEEEEEEEEEEEEZ fuck me raw, if my future was anything from that!!!!!!!!!!

[1991???] That pamphlet in St. Peter's church that quoted a 30 year old virgin. He said on his wedding night "I'll be sad to see it go..."

I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER AND TORTURE AND DESTROY THAT FUCK-WIT COCKSUCKER AND GUT HIM ALIVE AND MAKE HIM LOOK DOWN SO HE CAN SEE HIS OWN ENTRAILS HIT THE FLOOR WHILE HE BEGS FOR SATAN'S MERCY!!!!!!!!!

I mean FUCK, so now sex WITHIN marriage is evil, too????

REALITY:

When you wait for a holy victory like that, it is a PRIVELEGE to lose your virginity with the woman that you have sworn your life to under God!!! I mean FUCK what was this asshole trying to IMPLY?? "SAD TO SEE IT GO"???? FUCK!!!!!

He was making it sound like that the sex in his marriage was going to be a DRAWBACK!! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ, if it is that awful, and he is "sad to see it go" then why doesn't he just get married AND NOT HAVE SEX AT ALL??

I saw PUMP UP THE VOLUME September 1990 and got in that wreck off of the gravel road. Discontinued the journal. Then wrote an appendage to it after Senior Prom 1991.

In computer class I brought a printout from a Commodore 64 program that was a marquee-like text display where the phrases opened up from the middle of the screen one after the other. I typed it in one of the Apple computers and some people in the class got a kick out of it. Machine Gun looked at the printout for a minute or two, then sneered in front of everybody "You didn't write this!", so I was like WHAT THE FUCK, and explained to him every line of code down the FUCKING PAGE. He then just switches gears and said something like "Well, if I didn't have a life, just like you, I would be able to write shit like that too!" So winn dixie busted out laughing at me like a fucker. I mean FUCK, he accused me of lying, then when I BUSTED him for being full of BULLSHIT he just IGNORES that he got REFUTED and kicks into another BULLSHIT attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His goal was to FUCK ME anyway he could and he didn't care about anything else. Then I had to fucking fight with [evolution] and Winn Dixie like for the next few HOURS about how I have a life and it is NOT bad that I know how to program and there is nothing wrong with me spending a lot of time on it. FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again, self destructive NERD RAGE where you DOG your own sub-culture because you are so filled with self hatred and take the hatred that is imprinted on YOURSELF and vent it OUTWARD to others in your sub-culture and INWARD to dog yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was on a mission to tear up the dating battle field because I didn't want to end up dismal like my dad. He barely dated. When he tried to trivialize it, it just pissed me off even MORE.

At a point in my senior year, I was making some reference to my dad about dating and wanting to go out when I would be in college and he said that was not needed and that I had the chance to meet many women in class. WHAT THE FUCK? What is this SHIT that says that any kind of conscious effort to FUCKING meet the opposite sex is EVIL and UNATURAL???? FUCK ME!!!!!!!!

I refused to go to the wedding of a woman in my high school class, in 1991, because it was painful and insulting that someone in my OWN CLASS, and MY AGE was getting FUCKING MARRIED and I had not actually started dating yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It enraged my ass!!! Then in 1992, the ONLY FUCKING reason why I went to a different woman's reception was because that night I had a date. FUCK ME!!!!

Worked at winn dixie, skipped senior trip, gave my two weeks notice, camped out at Chicot with my high school buddies the SAT night before college.

I had freshmen orientation that summer and was all pumped. I went with [LLL] and meeting all the other freshmen was refreshing to me. I saw a lot of females and my hope was up. I met Hamilton Russel who reminded me of one of the 3rd bass rappers, (Pete Nice) and I even showed him the back of the CD "Derelicts of Dialect" and he kinda agreed. I had kool moh dee and all that shit was positive and I loved him on Arsenio Hall, and he had this 90s positive rap ideology and all kind of shit!

At the FUCKING orientation in the Union Ballroom we were spoken to by some Dean or something and among many other things, he said that we may find a spouse here but that is not what we are here for and that whatever social status you had in high school, that was irrelevant because it was a new and clean slate...

BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!!!!!!

We are still the same people!!! It's the same FUCKING nation with the same FUCKING problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

So I had a small bit of hope that college was going to be this new land or new horizon or some shit like that (Like I had been told by everyone on the planet...). I mean DAMN I never thought that it was going to be some smorgasbord buffet of young gorgeous women beating my door down to want to bear my child...

...but FUCK ME I didn't think that it was going to be 10 trillion times WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this shit where the video store guy said how at USL it was not hard to find a party!!!! I had this slight mental picture of just hanging out and cutting up and having fun with all these new and exciting people... FUCK ME IN THE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the arrogance of "young skull full of mush" logic that says like (I've heard a few screwed up girls say this) "I promised myself I'd stay a virgin until after high school, ya know? It's just one of those things I just had to do for myself..."

HUH??????????????

Or in that scene in the trailer for National Lampoon's "Senior Trip" (1995) where the ditz chick says to the guy like, [I've decided that I don't want to go to college a virgin!]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Or I think on (some show) where this slut bitch said that your virginity is just something that you've got to get rid of before college!!

EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[insert puddle of puke here...]

[time unknown: had to be after Graveyard shift and Arachnophobia?? After I quit winn-dixie?? Before first day of college???] Octo and I were at somewhere like Wal mart or some clothing store or some shit, and we run into Cheese Taco. I was looking at some shit on the shelf or something, away from them at a distance that I couldn't hear them at all. They were talking about school or starting college or some shit, (which Cheese Taco was NOT doing - very blue collar and non-intellectual) and Cheese Taco tells Octo like "I don't know why Kirk is going in computer science! Kirk ain't smart! " I mean... WHAT?!?!?! After all the fucking times of being called nerd and not having a fucking girlfriend, you'd think that the PERKS to this kind of shit would be that I was at least known as a smart kid!!! And Cheese Taco KNEW that I had been programming on my Atari 400 and Commodore 64 since I was TWELVE (and had been introduced to BASIC when I was TEN)!!! But Cheese Taco was so UP HIS OWN ASS and reckless with his BULLSHIT that he didn't even give me THAT kind of peace!!! I mean what the FUCK was this pussy's problem to BEGIN with?? I never dogged his ass, and had been a real pal to him growing up, and we had just recently hung out a few times, just like old times (and he was dogging me later behind my back just like old times) and all seemed to be COOL! He just pulled this hate for me out of thin air and just RIPPED into me, just so he could get his big hairy pussy sopping wet!!!!!!!!!!

I'm gonna make as much as a doctor!!! I think that really set Octo off!!! Then says (something like a year and a half later) he should have stayed at Winn Dixie!! So now Med school and being an entry level stock boy at Winn Dixie are on the same shelf of success??????????????

So we leave or some shit and, some way or another, Octo brings up with me that Cheese Taco went on this rant and trashed me. And at the time, Cheese Taco had a cute girlfriend that he was fucking!!! Octo even HIMSELF said [exact quote] "Yeah, he was riding pretty high!" Even Octo saw that he was on this egotistical sociopathic EUPHORIA or some bullshit!!! And Octo adds in with a sarcastic mocking that was paraphrasing Cheese Taco: [exact quote from Octo] "PLUS I'm getting me some poon tang!" And something like a few months later it managed to come up again, and Octo said that if I even BOTHERED to waste my time on confronting him, that Cheese Taco would have just ERASED HIS MEMORY COMPLETELY of the whole incident!!!!!! And that just FITS a sociopath!!!! They say child molesters do that too!!!! Like a father molests his daughter and then just has no memory of it whatsoever!!!

THIS was the bullshit incident that made ALL of Cheese Taco's past offenses come into focus! He was no longer a confused 4th grader but an adult! He was doing the same shit!! It just made all the shit come back alive! So that's when I decided I was not gonna fuck with him anymore. FINALLY a DEAD bullshit FAKE friendship had ended!!!!! FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!! And 'til this day I still cross him in public and we say hello and he is oblivious!

And Cheese Taco comes up to me in the Winn Dixie parking lot that he "finally found the right one"! OH FUCK! At 18, the quest for the holy grail was over!! And of course it didn't last!!!

1991 Octo Pull out, don't have sex, so there is never a break or a victory? YES YES YES you hit the nail right on the head!

1991 Octo made some bullshit comment about it being wrong to not have in your head that you were trying to have a baby when having sex, it was so backward!!!! And then FUCKED two years later!!!

[sweetsie poo] I really think I loved her??? I told Octo that the girl that he fell in love with existed only in his head [I said like 'right here', and motioned to his head] and that was the REAL woman that he fell in love with!! Because I had just done the same bullshit with [pump it].

1991? Octo cited in anger an article that he read. It bitched out women for paying attention to the assholes and it said something very profound: PEOPLE DO WHAT WORKS. And Octo REJOICED in that!!!!!!!!!!! That's actually why so many kids have endorsed the killings of Columbine high school; it WORKED! It got attention that was not paid before to bullying and now ALL teachers and kids KNEW that every single kid in America had the potential for that line to be crossed!

The Columbine killers changed the rules!!

So, my NEW objective is to prove that non-violent is the way to go and not this HORRIFIC and immoral violent way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of my doctrines of Hardcore Nerdology:

Violence is always the DEAD LAST solution for a problem...

but it is always a solution for a problem!

1991 Octo said that a certain jock in his class, was an asshole and was going to be in a suit and be "aggressive" and have this nice job. WTF?????????????? So now it is about being aggressive and cock swallowing?????

1991 [thepringleguy] said I was going to be "euphoric" on my wedding night. Yeah right FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!! That's only if it ever HAPPENS!!!!

The weekend before college!

Then at CHICOT!!!! Saturday and Saturday night!! Went home Sunday morning!!

This was awesome!

I got in an argument with GA at Chicot about sex and virginity in general. He was a jock and had sex so he was totally not in my universe. Keep in mind that this a 17/18 year old male, and a JOCK. He said that the only way I was going to find a virgin wife was if she was "ugly like that tree over there or she's in some weird religion". I'm STILL PROCESSING THAT ONE!!! He then said that if I meet a woman and marry her, that "she is gonna say, yeah I'm a virgin, yeah I'm a virgin and when you get in there, you're ain't gonna be able to TOUCH THE SIDES". [This is a sexual reference saying that she would have been so slutty that her vagina would have been so gaping wide that the diameter of my penis would be shorter than the gaping space of her huge worn out vagina...]

FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then he took it so far as to say that his FATHER told him about women, "Just put a paper bag over their head; they're all the same down there." How more backward and fucked up and pro-promiscuity can you MOTHER FUCKING COCK STROKING GET????????????????????????? SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course he was getting the FUCKING girls in high school and I was NOT and I am STILL seeing him in town with cute women and I AM NOT WITH CUTE WOMEN so the MORAL of the FUCKING story is to be cynical about all women and say that they fuck on the first date and to put a paper bag over their head and see them as just another pussy because that is WHAT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I told GA that right now some girls are having a conversation and one girl is having her 5 friends tell her things like "you might as well give it up soon because ALL guys do it! You're NEVER going to find a guy that won't want sex from you in the first few dates!" and THAT woman is fighting back (saying that not all guys are like that) and THAT was the woman I am going to end up with!

So GA didn't say much because I seemingly stomped him, but it didn't count FOR JACK SHIT because at the age of 36, I am in this CLUSTERFUCK SHITHOLE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice try, (as a young hopeful 17 year old!) Kirk Fontenot! CLOSE but no cigar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and by the way, it didn't dawn on me at that point, but my response to GA had a flaw to it!!! If things were so bad that I had to use a case that my future pro-virginity wife was in some super minority that was resisting against five girls, then it was a FUCK from the start. Super dwindling down virginity (not yet being at zero) is NOT a victory; it is a defeat!!!!!

That was the Saturday night before college that Monday! I was sick for two days, so my first day attended was that Wednesday... (I probably got a bug at Chicot...)

THE NAZI FUCK ASS RAPING OF COLLEGE!!

1991

U.S.L. (now known as U.L. at Lafayette)

THE HARDCORE CLUSTERFUCK ASS RAPING PELVIS BREAKING BLOODY ASSHOLE RAW AND CHAPPED ASSHOLE STRETCHED ASSHOLE GANG RAPE WITH NO VASELINE LACERATED MEAT MANGLED FLESH RECTUM RIPPING 35 INCH LONG AND 8 INCH DIAMETER COCK SHOVED AND RAMMED IN MY TINY PINK UNSUSPECTING INNOCENT PEACEFUL VIRGIN ASSHOLE, RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE ASS RAPE ASS RAPE ASS RAPE BLOODY GOREY BLEEDING GUSHING RED BLOOD AND THE SMELL OF SHIT AND RIPPED INTESTINE ASSHOLE TEARING...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU GET THE FUCKING IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even know where to even fucking start!!!!!!!!!!

[note later!] NOW I know where to fucking start! I was digging for a "Sex and the City" slut whore man-hating quote that one of my former co-workers stated on my Facebook:

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with."

— Candace Bushnell (Sex and the City)

and when I DID, I came across this one!!!

I guess what I really mean is college is like this four-year period you have when you can try anything - and everything - and if it goes wrong, there's no consequences...nobody's keeping score. You can do things that if you tried them before you got to college, your family would be crying and pulling their hair out and giving you these now-see-what-you've-gone-and-done looks...College is the only time in your life when you can really experiment, and at a certain point, when you leave, when you graduate or whatever, everybody's memory like evaporates. You tried this and this and this and this, and you learned a lot about how things are, but nobody's gonna remember it. It's like amnesia, totally, and there's no record, and you leave college exactly the way you came in, pure as rainwater. (I am Charlotte Simmons)

Now THIS is the QUINTESSENTIAL aimless, slut whore, hedonist, infallible super-human BULLSHIT that I had beaten in my ass all my life!!!! College was going to be this Utopia of youth, where you get all of the ADVANTAGES of being an adult, but NONE of the RESPONSIBILITIES (yeah right!!!!!!), at the ideal youthful stage in your life where you are forming and learning, with all this "knowledge" around you being taught by teachers, and expanding under new horizons, and students will be in broad daylight fucking on the picnic blankets laid over the fresh green grass all around campus and you have classes at 2:00 PM at the earliest and you casually talk with a gorgeous girl next to you in class or at the library, and you go out for coffee and it's perfect and "block parties" and all this BULLSHIT. FUCK ME if it was ANYTHING BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY FUCKING PUSSY-STROKE it was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't have had a worse experience in college if I PRAYED TO GOD and BEGGED HIM TO FUCK ME IN THE ASS, if I had a MASOCHISTIC self-mutilating psychotic DEATH WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't have gotten FUCKED deeper and harder, even if I was the new guy who dropped the soap in a prison shower in a homosexual, ILLEGAL AND BANNED IN ALL COUNTRIES ACROSS THE ENTIRE PLANET, UNDERGROUND PORNO GANG RAPE, S&M, XXX, MEDIEVAL TORTURE, SNUFF FLICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY...

around 1991: The more and more I have dedicated to my morals, the more and more I have come across as a FREAK! I was like FUCK THIS SHIT and rebelled against the "nice guys are wimps" thing and thought I was getting open minded and hardcore, but the world just keeps getting more difficult. The more I adapt against it, the MORE DISTANCED from women than I have ever been!!

I started commuting with 4 high school buddies for about three weeks, then moved to Lafayette.

New horizons and a new life? Yeah right! It was the sequel to my nerddom.

[And for the record!! I do not have any personal judgment or ill will toward these people with an alias AT ALL------------- PERIOD!!!!! I am simply citing the blindingly obvious psychological dispositions about them, that they vented on me at my expense, and how being around that just weighed me down. These social problems NEED to be fucking FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT IGNORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Anyway, I had NO interest at ALL in wanting to get involved politically with ANYTHING and had this very very very vague notion in my head that I could make waves through a computer company that I could found and have some kind of effect or make some sort of positive contribution to America. I said for years that I was not staying in Louisiana and that my state was (as stated by others) last in everything good and first in everything bad. I wanted to be some computer big shot and just have a cool techno-geek life, make some contribution and, of course, get married eventually. That was about it...

Then things changed...

This was the year of the 1991 Louisiana Governor's race, which was a media FUCK FRENZY when there was a runoff between Edwin Edwards and David Duke. So it was between a former KKK grand wizard and a lying scamming womanizing crook.

I was for David Duke, but saw only in retrospect, that if we had Governor Duke, I feel he would have simply only made it harder to get on welfare, done away with quotas without any type of thing to fix the mess that spawned the idea of quotas in the FIRST place, and maybe some government trimming and tax cuts, but not have actually hardcore FIXED ghettos, like a true counter to white limousine liberals should do!! So we were fucked no matter what. And Duke at the time (as now) PISSED ME OFF when (in Vogue magazine) he said this crap about white civil rights and being against interracial marriages.

I mean FUCK there was such a FUCKING stink about Duke that I heard a rumor from one guy in my math class that the federal government was threatening Louisiana not to "recognize" it if Duke won and then we wouldn't qualify for aid if a hurricane struck. I mean maybe that's bullshit but with this Nazi Fairness Doctrine crap and the Communications Decency Act of 1996 anything is possible from those in power. My friend [Winn Dixie] told me that our mutual buddy [KB]'s mom was praying rosaries that Duke LOST so there would be no race wars in Louisiana! FUCK, so if we have some sort of problem like DORMANT ANGER from black people, then let's ignore it and bury it instead of FIX the problems that have them so angry in the FIRST PLACE????????????????? Van Halen said he'd boycott Louisiana if Duke won, or some shit. What the fuck else???? A bunch of shit was going down!! People were listening to the FUCKING media instead of voting as they wanted; threats were getting issued, all this BULLSHIT was coming up that if Louisiana elected Duke that we were going to get nothing short of EXILED, like a FUCKING inverted succession from the Union, and all this BULLY shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll NEVER be able to recall all of the emotion that was in the air and all the BULLSHIT. I don't even know where to FUCKING continue!!! In essence I can say that a LOT of people were allowing themselves to be intimidated by other forces and voted for Edwards because of that, and that was very VERY ANTI-AMERICAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duke was supposed to be the Nazi, but it was Nazism that DEFEATED DAVID DUKE! You had that military dick head that denounced Duke in uniform and that broke some kind of a law and he defended himself by saying something like Duke was so anti-American that he didn't do anything wrong. I was fucking getting some tacos at Taco Bell and the woman ringing me up sneered at my Duke pin and said "tacky pin", and was asking me shit about Duke. I mean what the fuck! When you piss off a FUCKING liberal, all the bets are off and you have to take it up the ass if you are a conservative, and that's it; fuck you and fuck you!!!!!!!! I mean FUCK, you had RACISTS that hated David Duke and voted AGAINST him because [paraphrase quote from all the racist bullshit I heard] "if David Duke wins, then the fucking niggas are going to riot and we'll never hear the end of it from the fucking niggas, and the fucking niggas can't be fixed with David Duke, even if he wins, so it's a lost battle to fight the fucking niggas and the fucking niggas always win, so fuck those fucking niggas; I'm voting for Edwin Edwards!"

Anyway, I'm getting off track - my point to this was that I saw a LOT of cowardice and very insulting racist patronization of black people during the race and it reminded me of a lot of the broken spirit ideology that I get from other male nerds; guys that have just given up on God and don't care about life.

So, election night eventually came. I saw that Duke was getting ass-spanked and didn't even watch the end; I went to bed. So I was like, fuck it!! I'm getting the hell out of Louisiana when I graduate; politics are full of bullshit and it is a big clusterfuck of whose cock you can swallow, and it is all bullshit! I KNEW that I was never going to fuck with politics, and I hated asshole politicians!!! Louisiana is FUCKED!! That is why I am leaving this state!! That night I had a dream that I was watching WBRZ in Baton Rouge on channel 2 and two news casters (one man and one woman both white and fairly young) got into a fist fight on top of the desk on live TV rolling back and forth over whether David Duke was a racist or not! I forgot who was for Duke and not.

That dream had a very weird impact on me because it showed how ridiculous it got in the election! It was like a "all bets are off" or "anything goes" mentality!

I then woke up. My eyes opened and I didn't even prop myself up or get up out of the bed, stayed lying down and knew that Duke lost, but more importantly lost for the wrong reason [many people were scared to vote for him because they were bullied by political threats], and just said to myself the most cataclysmic thought that I ever had in my life and the most 180 degree decision that I ever made in my entire life by a LONGSHOT in the shortest period of time by FAR, which was...

FUCK THIS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!

I'M RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF LOUISIANA!!!!!!!!

During this semester, I had my 3rd bass, Kool Moh Dee, LL Cool J, Ice-T and all kind of shit and had gotten my first CD player and there was this positive mindset that I was in and all this shit. Earlier (something like 1990 or early 1991 or something) I had seen Kool Moh Dee on Arsenio Hall and was very impressed with him! He had this extreme cerebral vibe that he emanated when he talked. It was POSITIVE and all this shit!! Also, at some point in like around 1991 I had seen Ice-T on Arsenio Hall and liked him but I had barely heard any of his stuff until I borrowed his Original Gangster CD from a buddy of mine, THEN I got hardcore into Ice-T!!!!!!

As far as David Duke is concerned, (I even met him) by the time 1994 or 1995 rolled around, I told some fellow members in College Republicans that I hope he WASN'T running for the 1995 Governor's race. It took me years to put my finger on it (even when he STILL said that he was against interracial marriages), but because he pissed off all of the whitey-white limousine liberals, I got pumped up, and saw more in him than was there. Yet another disappointment in a politician. I've concluded that with 4 or 8 years of either Edwards or Duke, it wouldn't have mattered. Louisiana is more fucked up than that. Also, I didn't see any gleaming agenda, to help piss poor black people, come out of Edwin Edwards' 4th term, but that was never the issue. Like I said, I saw racist whites that voted for Edwin Edwards, just to shut up angry black people, and the national media, while fixing absolutely nothing at all. Mission accomplished.

FUCK - it was like high school (I think; maybe early college) Octo was speaking on making a difference, "...yeah, when you feel that pin in your eye" it'll be a different story!! HUH???????? What the fuck????? Who's pin? What torture? He was coming up with a complete blanket apathy! He was stating that you can't stand for the SMALLEST change, because some underground cult who stands for global chaos will torture you. FUCKING DISGUSTING!!

My grades were fucking up in school. I started working out but didn't know what the fuck I was doing and ate 6 hamburgers from McDonalds each time I worked out. I gained fifty pounds in one semester, went from about 130 to about 180. I hurt my back and I later (years later like in 1995) went to the chiropractor and saw my x ray as to how warped my spine was. So I got a big gut and a warped spine and was flunking school and I didn't understand SHIT about watching my money with all the fast food I was spending it on, and never made the connection about having a flat stomach and staying away from junk food; I thought that if you just built muscle that would give you a flat stomach. I was fucked up and clueless, just like I was about ANYTHING having to do with getting a FUCKING DATE WITH A FUCKING WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet another of the MANY MANY cases where something obvious and practical is completely out of sight for Kirk FUCKING Fontenot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first semester in English, had a teacher who called herself a liberal. She said "you thought it was for love; awwwwwww" with a sneer - natural superiority of women to men??????? the snake with the bowl of milk?????? fuck me!!!!! when guys notice her hair, it is a sign that there are always going to be people, like we have to fuck at random!!!!!!

So all this was going on and I got a 0.2 average for the semester and was put on academic probation. I went to the Strip twice [the Strip is a string of bars all on McKinley Street by campus] with [LLL] and noticed the women but that was about it. I had made eye contact and said "hi" or "excuse me" when a woman walked by and she was wearing an outfit like one of my Paula Abdul posters. That stuck in my head...

Me and some other nerds were outside in the parking lot doing something with my truck (loading stuff in it or something) and these two (you could spot them from a mile away) FUCKING COCK TEASE STUCK UP SORORITY BEACH BUNNY ARM CANDY tall and skinny, tan-skinned CUTESY CUTIES walked by. Lightning tries to be smooth with a smile and casually bats out "Hi!" They don't even FLINCH, and just walk RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT in front of him without even BATTING A FUCKING EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN FUCK MAN, IT WAS BRUTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And see? Lightning can not deal with such a blow, so he just erased it from his brain like a hard drive in two seconds and just did not process it, and that is how he fixed the problem!!!! Like a raped woman that tries to pretend that it never happened!!!!!

Fall 1991 GPA 0.2

1992

SPRING 1992!!!

At some point, we got our controversial yearbook, "a shock to the system" and it featured a topless woman in it with an article about sex and dating saying that sex is a real part in many college relationships. Like, what the FUCK?? If it is so there and pronounce then why fucking make an issue of it like it needs to be said in the first place?? It's as if they were trying to drive a last nail in the coffin of virginity and say "HA HA HA FUCKING HA; boinkers are the majority and we love being gutless liberal pieces of shit so we are going to shove it in the face of any FUCKING conservative to show them they are outnumbered and outgunned! FUCK YOU!!!"

I ended up with a conversation with two nerds in my circle. I say in a joking fashion, like "next year we are gonna have full porn in the yearbook". We fucking fought for what felt like hours. IT WAS UN-FUCKING-BELIEVEABLE!!!! I mean they went from fucking fighting about that the Native Americans were said to have been "Utopic" and "fucked like dogs" (I never saw their fucking asses going to pitch a tepee in the parking lot - GEEEEEEEEZ I could really picture those two geeks dressed in loincloths, warpaint and feathers with the new names "Running Bear" and "Eagle's Cry" smoking a peace pipe, sleeping under the stars at night, becoming "one" with nature, squatting around a fire with their kids telling tales of ancient times... YEAH RIGHT!!! FUCK ME in the nostrils!!) to saying that in some cultures the mouth is a very sexual organ, should we cover that up too?? All this bullshit! One of the many bottom lines to this was that they KNEW (however you dice it) that they were getting their rocks off by seeing a titty, and their goal was to come up with all the bullshit that they possibly could, to simply build AROUND that fact so they could STILL have their titty!!! No morality, no right and wrong, no NOTHING!!! That was a very strong first sample that I got from their bullshit.

[Pizza] after arguing for like fucking 15 minutes that [exact quote] "mammary glands" are nothing sexual and were no big deal to get in a fuss over. Then says like "Well, I want to see some tits; I'm going to the pool". AMAZING!!!!!

1992 [Lightning] said there is not time for dating in college HUH?? So there is no time to date but there is time to FUCK??

1992 Jomela Lightning - sneers WOMEN and then when I rebuked him, to which he sneered a second time: "WOMEN!"

1992 asking me four times within less than a YEAR, why am I into rap when I always talk about morals? broken record! He erases his memory, when he can't deal with something!!

[Octo] - splash a big can of red paint on her crotch on her wedding day

Most of the rest is a big blur, but some of their bullshit was so pronounce that it just BURNED into my brain!!

92? [in my upstairs room in ville platte] [Octo] said that when you are a senior or something you are so ideal about what you want to go in college for! He says "archaeology..." with this sarcastic ultra-glazed look on his face and looked up like he was looking into some great abyss of the future, mocking the naive expectations of a generic adolescent wanting some kind of future to do something significant. He had already set his standards pathetically low!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One time in that semester I approached a woman outside of history 222 class, that I knew had a boyfriend to ask her something trivial about class or something, and we talked for a bit and it felt nice to me because at least for that instant, I was not under pressure to impress her to ask her out because she was already involved. I told Octo about this and he just said, "It took you THAT long?", like I was already admitting defeat that I was never going to get a FUCKING date for the rest of my FUCKING COCK STROKING life and this was some beautiful and holy revelation of God for having attained this conclusion of "quit trying" at the super old, wrinkled and gray, SENIOR CITIZEN age of...

FUCKING 18!!!!!!!!

OH AND IT GETS BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I fuck up in school again but with close to 1.2 GPA, and get academically suspended. My grandpa Adley Dupre died that semester. Somewhere near that semester my dad's place of employment Pelican Homestead got dissolved (or whatever the fucking term is), so he was out of work for like fucking 14 months and was fucking miserable because of it.

Now I forget which happened first but I had one conversation with Octo in my room the summer of 1992 and then another in his room.

1992 Octo sneered, I am happier than you are!

The one in my room, I am fuzzy on, but certain things were said. It went something like me fucking up in school and he was trying to get to the center of the problem. I would take math tests that I thought I ACED and get a low F; I would be the FIRST in the class to finish and turn my paper in even with my checking over my work!!!! So apparently I was not getting the material, had no clue that I was JUST NOT getting it and moving way way too fast!! So the issue of fucking up in school and being in my second semester in college and had recently dated just one girl which was a setup from a friend was really getting on my mind. I made some comment about something having to with me not caring about being successful if I was never going to get married. So Octo said that was problem was that I was apathetic. So I asked him what did that mean, and he says "You don't give a fuck." I was in shock because I saw him as passive and wimpy and he was accusing me of being wimpy!! So somehow we got on the subject that if we are alone it is because God didn't send us a woman yet, or some bullshit like that. So then I called him on the inconsistency and made the analogy with school, and as best as I can remember he pretty much finished my thought for me. "Well Kirk, it's not like you can just say that if God wants you to have a college degree that you can say FUCK IT and throw your books in the corner and not study for a test!" So I said EXACTLY! So this FUCKING BULLSHIT about, "If God wants you to have a wife, He'll SEND YOU ONE!" is BULLSHIT or at least an open ended remark in a very ambiguous context!!

I think in this conversation (or some other conversation the same year) he cited that I was fucking up in school and said that I had to address that before I became some big shot activist leader or whatever and he cited Bible scripture about having to remove the splinter from your eye, as to see clearly, so that you are ABLE to remove the log from your neighbor's eye. I saw he was full of shit because you don't pick and choose when immoral things are actually immoral because of it being convenient for you! "Yeah, I think I'll pencil in the fact that it is wrong to give kids condoms at 4:30 Thursday next week because I am just too BUSY now!!!!" BULLSHIT!!! And I KNEW - I mean I fucking KNEW that he was really saying "NEVER TRY EVER and do nothing at all, for the rest of your damned life!!" Because 15 YEARS later in around 2007, in a yahoo chat he said like "I'm not trying to insult you, but you gotta wipe your ass before you can wipe someone else's" So then I told him that the accomplished people of the world can ONLY wipe their own asses and do nothing else!!! That is what they do!!!!!!

So we went in all kind of circles and all kind of shit, and it is all a big blur to me.

AT HIS HOUSE: 1992

This one I remember a bit better because this was when the REAL rift between us was made and I call this the birth of HARDCORE NERDOLOGY!! Somehow we got on the subject about being alone and not getting the girls and/or me fucking up in school and I got into my story in English 101 in the Spring of 1992. We had to write a story on something from our childhood involving vivid memories and that was significant, or something. So a guy in my class wrote a story about his tree house. He said he'd be in it watching squirrels move around and shit. Then one day as he got older, driving, girls and going out came into his life and he looked up at it and all it was, was a few mangled boards up in the tree. So I told Octo this and said that he just mentioned girls as something that he experienced and he WASN'T bragging; because it was just this THING that just so happened to casually waltz into his life, apparently much easier than it had for ME, and it was no big FUCKING DEAL!!! So Octo thinks he is going to set me straight. He sits up in his bunk bed and points to me in confrontation and says, [exact quote] "And that just PISSED you off, DIDN'T it??????" So I am like FUCK YEAH MOTHER FUCKER WHY THE FUCK NOT MOTHER FUCKER?????

The next part was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL! I mean this is the quintessential BROKEN DEFEATED CONQUERED SOUL in it's PUREST UNCUT FUCKING FORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean it is as pure as Frank Lucas's HEROIN in the FUCKING 70s!!!!!! I'm talking BLUE MAGIC all over again!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS AND IN THE ASS; FUCK ME RAW LIKE A BITCH ON CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean the FUCKING Jews in the Nazi concentration camps with spirits that have given up on all hope, and the FUCKING sign in HELL that says like, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE, ABANDON ALL HOPE, has got NOTHING WORTH FOR JACK SHIT ON THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean FUCK, you can't get more broken and more sold out and more FUCKING FUCKED than this guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So any-FUCKING-way, he says like "I used to think like that too; that used to bother me too. I then just saw that my grades were better than the guys who had girlfriends, so I used that to make myself feel better. Then I later, in college, met guys with grades as good as mine, and that HAD a girlfriend..."

Octo continues: "So then I just said..." (he threw his hands aside in a gesture like he was pushing something out of the way)

[A DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GOTTA GET READY FOR THIS BULLSHIT:]

"well, they're THEM and I'm ME..."

WHAT IN THE MOTHER FUCKING NAME OF COCK STROKING PUSSY MASSAGING TITTY KNOCKING ASSHOLE RIMMING BUTT FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING NOSTRIL FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING SHIT EATING PISS DRINKING COCK GOBBLING MOTHER FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING SON OF A BITCHING SON OF A BITCHING COCK SQUEEZING DICKHEAD SLICING ASSHOLE SHIT EATING MOTHER FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT FUCK WITTED NONSENSE ASSHOLE EATING SHIT GOBBLING RECTUM LICKING BALL CUTTING DICK HAIR BURNING CLIT POUNCING FUCKING FUCKING BULLSHIT IS THAT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Doctrine 5: The FOUNDING DOCTRINE of Hardcore Nerdology!!!! --- If someone dates more than you do, you are either inferior or oppressed!!!!!!]

So I said to Octo, something like "If some guy can bench press more than me, I just shrug that off and say that I am just simply not the strongest man in the world. Life goes on. No big deal. If someone can analyze Shakespeare better than me, I just accept that; no big deal. BUT I do NOT savagely saw off and casually THROW AWAY a very intimate and personal piece of my soul such as DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS and just say FUCK IT, I'm just going to put it in my head and blindly accept the notion that I am going to be FUCKING alone for the REST OF MY FUCKING FUCKING life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then he tries to trivialize the clusterfuck of our dateless lives by referring to the guys that DID date by saying like "Yeah but then I found out that their parents got a divorce", like he was trying to build some case to be happy with what he has in life and you are supposed to shrug off not having a woman in your life as NOTHING and that you can always come up with some bullshit about "counting your blessings". Well I guess we could have told that to black people who wanted to sit in the front of the bus in the fucking 1950s before the Civil Rights movement in the 60s. SAME SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course he FUCKED less than a year later!!!!! So he was FIRM about the fact that he was going to casually shrug off women for the rest of his life, and then (something like a mere NINE months later...) just puts his cock in a lost confused girl's cunt and sees NO CONTRADICTION TO THIS!!!!! Mr. Roman Catholic!!!!!!

HE WAS LYING!!!!

He was in SUPER DENIAL and LYING through his fucking teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE WAS FUCKING LYING HIS ASS OFF!!!!!!!

You don't steal 100 million dollars and then confess to God or a priest, then become absolved, then spend the rest of your life living off of it!!!!! That's what male nerds do with their first piece of ass!!!! They use it as a psychological crutch to NEVER have to deal with reality again!!!!

Like I said earlier this was the BIRTH of hardcore nerdology. The founding Doctrine which is doctrine five: "If someone dates more than you do, you are either inferior or oppressed."

And here is a VERY HARDCORE belief of mine: what makes people the REAL kooks, extremists and heartless monsters is usually the things that they DON'T do!!!!

You see, if some guy blows up a building, that is very visible; he is a kook, but when people are passive when they should be angry, it is usually harder to see their INACTION!!

So my point to all of this is that Octo did NOT, and IN NO FUCKING WAY, say ANYTHING REMOTELY like:

Well Kirk, you see dating around and serial dating is just a pop culture myth that supposedly brings you closer to marriage but in reality the people who don't get all the hook ups are the ones with stable marriages.

OR

It'll come in due time!

Now this is STILL BULLSHIT because I was told that in high school and it didn't happen in college, so the new bullshit to address that LIE is to just question the entire notion of wanting a woman at all!!!! And in the same conversation or maybe another one, I had just went on a tirade about how fucked up it is that assholes get the girls and the trouble I was having. Octo shows NO EMOTION, doesn't FLINCH, gets this REAL serious look on his face and Octo asked me...

WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE?

Oh! Well FUCK!!! That's my FUCKING DAMNED PROBLEM in the FIRST PLACE!! I actually WANT A FUCKING DAMNED relationship and God FUCKING FORBID that I want to get FUCKING MARRIED SOMEDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean FUCK ME RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even remember how I even BEGAN to respond to that BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!

So at some OTHER, or maybe the same, conversation I got into the activism that I wanted to do. So after I rambled on and on about sexual morals going to HELL and things being so fucked up today, he showed no support, no agreement, and asked me again in a detached tone:

What will happen after the last bullet is fired from this revolution?

So he didn't agree that as a conservative Catholic that we needed to make waves against moral deterioration, AT ALL. He had this PSEUDO logical approach, such as, if some kind of obvious or visual result does not happen, then it is OK to support IMMORALITY, TO OUTRIGHT SIN BY BEING INDIFFERENT and not give a fuck!!!!! This is something that took me about 15 years from that day to see the clever and deceptive context to such a question. The extreme amoral practicality in approaching life. It's like WHAT IS IN IT FOR ME?? HOW IS THIS GOING TO GET ME LAID OR PUT MONEY IN MY POCKET, SO I CAN GET LAID?? And that is exactly the GOD that he lives by!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has done NOTHING with his life other than cover his ass because it got too hard for him to keep CARING IN LIFE AND TOO GIVE A MOTHERFUCKING FLYING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So naturally I come across as the IDIOT or at least the ZEALOT!!!

OK, now here is another vague memory. We had some sort of a discussion and he just pulled out of his ASS, like ALL of his BELIEFS this notion that we are just "born losers" and he kept beating that into the ground and saying that every FUCKING time any kind of notion about not getting the FUCKING girls came up!!! AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! So some kind of shit happened and I forget what, but we had some kind of argument...

At some point he was in my apartment and I had this gutted out radio that was a cassette dubbing radio with the bottom deck removed. I used the two holes where the tape heads would spin to put the jacks of my portable CD player so they wouldn't dangle freely and fall off. I kept the CD player on top of the radio and used the radio for external speakers. So Octo just out of the blue, sneers like a prick and says shit like "Look at that busted piece of shit radio, just all exposed and broken and it looks ugly and yadda yadda yadda" and laughing at me like a sneering cackling fuckwit and all kind of shit. So I was like HUH, I just use the holes to hold my cables so it doesn't fall, the bottom deck is broken but the top deck and speakers still work. It's ugly but no big deal" So he just freezes and looks at me in extreme spite and disgust, like I fucked his grandma and says sharply, "You're always right! You're never wrong!" So that means at this point in our lives he wanted me to be broken as he was and was getting increasingly impatient with me for not bowing down to him as my God. I have to see the universe HIS way so he can have peace that he BROKE ME just like the big bad world broke HIM, or I am just an asshole stubborn bullheaded malcontent who deserves to be boiled alive in boiling oil and die a slow excruciating death. I didn't understand the severity of his actions at the time. It all came to me in retrospect years after.

So after all of this, he sends me a letter very thick because the inside had like half a centimeter of duct tape on it and the back of the letter said like, "Now you have to go through all of this because you spoke against me. Do not contradict me, ever!" So I opened it and cut through it to get to the letter. He had all kind of bullshit and referred to my two nerd roommates whom he met but barely spoke with by saying like "Not only is there a such thing as a born loser, but this letter is going to an apartment with three of them" Now you see, this nerd calling OTHER nerds "born losers" is the EXACT SAME SHIT as the reverse racist black cop in the movie BOYZ IN DA HOOD! He was the darkest guy in the movie! But he used the word "nigga" aggressively with hate for other black people and bullied the black kids. Under this warped mindset, they HATE their own sub-culture and being in it SO MUCH that they emulate BACK OUT the HATRED that they have had beaten in their face all of their life!!!! They just SNAP!!!!! This is a form of self mutilation, like "cutters" and shit from abusive backgrounds!!!

So his letter proceeded with his usual BULLSHIT about "you can't win", "don't bother", "it's all hopeless" and just defeated beaten bullshit like that. So I sent him a letter with a Commodore 64 floppy disk with a program on it with a scrambled message that only decoded when he typed in 10 degrading pass-phrases about himself. I gave him hints in the letter. Then I made it type one letter every FUCKING 20 seconds or something so he'd have to wait painstakingly to read the whole thing. A few small paragraphs took 22 minutes. So I get a letter back from him and he cited the first and last sentence so I would know he read it and said if I wanted to continue to communicate, it was up to me. So I sent him a big emotional letter saying sure and that he was my best friend and all was cool. This was just delaying the inevitable, but I had no clue. We were DOOMED for enemy-ship!!!!!!

1992 back door sexism - resolving that women are objects to be trivialized as to not being able to get them. It sells women out!!!

1992 - he said that he read in a book that throughout history male torturers stayed away from some male sexual torture (I guess genitals and such) but gave NO MERCY to women, and because of their RAGE against women, completely tortured them sexually as punishment because women have always had the power to withhold sex from them, and they resented women for having that "power", so in their sexist misogynistic rage, they just ruthlessly sexually tortured women. THEN he gets all soft and BIG EYED and saying how he could see that kind of power women have over men could be something like harsh to deal with or something...

FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!

1992 [Pizza] - EVERY single fucking time a tampon commercial would come on, he would gripe and SNEER (and I mean fucking SNEER) and moan and bitch and complain. Who wants to see that? Why do we have to see that? Oh no! Not this!! -------- I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK????????????????? He's married and I am not!!!!!! Go fucking figure!!!!

1992 Lightning: a woman screams if she gets raped??

1992?? Pizza sneered at me with a shit eating "go to hell" smile when we were in the middle of an argument about activism and morals and he said that in 100 years, everything I did would be something like erased or won't matter or some crap!!!!!!!!!!!! Another example of "don't try; don't bother". His WARPED cynical logic was that I am the only person in the world to give a fuck and I was trying to engineer some unnatural end result with human nature!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're just in it for the orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!

This was late in 1992.

I went to a college Republican meeting and from making a few comments, a guy that I met named [alias], said that I had some stuff together and that I was "aggressive". I was like WOW, it hit me in the pit of my stomach; no one had EVER called me that before!!! And then it made sense! I WAS aggressive! It then hit me that the douche bags that I grew up with all my life are all DOUCHE BAGS because they never cited me as "aggressive" especially not the FUCKING girls!!! It just proved yet again how Lightning and Octo were DOUCHE BAGS IN DENIAL and BROKEN DEFEATED NERDS that had to dog me and trash me like the FUCKS that they were to keep up the illusion of their own bullshit universe that they created for themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1992 Pizza was asking me about some situation he was in with a girl and we were casually talking and I said something like make a small comment to her to break some unconscious ice and he just looks at me out of the blue: "Kirk, shut up; just shut up." I was like what the fuck???? We weren't even FUCKING arguing!!!!! It was just a mild conversation. I forgot exactly what the fuck I said back to him, but I was trying to be peaceful and shit. The nerds get so wound up about things always FUCKING UP with girls that they have so much bottled anger and rage they just explode on ANYONE, or anyone BUT the right people!! That incident ALONE was the finalization as to why I chose to fuck him when I had the chance, so fuck him.

[Fall 1992] English PHD - so you're a mental dwarf AND a virgin!!! Lightning laughed. FUCKING AMAZING!!! When there is a woman in the room he is an ovulating feminist breast feeding a baby off his nipple; when there is a loser womanizer in the room, he is a boinker jock, virginity bashing animal!

Another EMOTIONAL FUCK of 1992; the BEST ONE!!!!

Lightning blew up on me.

Herman's Head - did we like the blonde or the brunette? It went downhill from there!

some potshot at my virginity, well you never had it so you don't know what you're missing, shit eating cock gobbling grin, I just thought I'd get that in there...

1992 Lightning hypocrisy, he is YELLING at me that he DOESN'T YELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1992 Lightning, give them condoms, you have to educate them but ask a 22 yr old - why do you want to date?? So 11 yr old kids can FUCK but 22 yr olds can't DATE!!!

1992? [LLL] I asked her about the AIDS shit. If you could end AIDS but you'd have to MAKE every 12 year old kid have sex, would you do it?? She said YES Forcing kids to have sex should make you go WHOA, not be casual about it!!

If today's parents had THEIR parents that said DON'T HAVE SEX, but next generation's parents tell their kids HAVE SEX but use a condom, HOW is there EVER going to be any surviving notion that pre-marital sex is wrong? She had no answer!

Magic Johnson bullshit about don't feel dirty or guilty for going buy condoms!! maybe a misquote??????

1992 Dad being unemployed. Why dad? So I can wipe my brain and focus on school and get a kick ass 4.0 average, graduate, and then get a job in this wrecked country, with a wrecked economy and lose my job so I can be unemployed like you are right now? I told him that the reason why he was out of a job was because some guy just like me, 20 years ago was going through the same shit! And he BROKE! I didn't want to be that guy!!

Like a month or so later at Bonanza in Opelousas I told Octo I said that and he had a smile on his face like I had a point, but he just never really conceded to me that I had a logical stance. He always gravitated to the viewpoint of me being a nut-job and a zealot.

And this was beautiful! After that big talk with my Dad I went back to my apartment and made some comment to Lightning about focusing on school instead of politics and he just LAYED into that and said like "Sure! Don't worry about the politics!" in this drawn out and dragging-like tone...

So WAIT a fucking minute! You can't spend fucking 5 minutes a day reading headlines but you can go to the bars to see wet t-shirt contests, fuck your fuck-buddy girlfriend and FUCK and FUCK and FUCK and... FUCK some more until your dick is shriveled, but there is no time to fucking care about the world around you??????????????

1992 VCR rental fine specimen, if she just jumped up on the counter and said take me, you'd fuck her? Octo: I'd consider it!! Pizza: YOU SEE??????????? People like you are in the minority!!! Self fulfilling prophecy. THEN later when I called Octo on his immoral bullshit, he told me that he said that just to piss me off! Well he just served Jesus Christ, didn't he??? And FUCKED like a year later!!!!!

1992 closing door was a sign of insecurity

1992 gender mixed dorms -zit on the face

1992 Lightning: France doesn't have problems with rape, or lust, like we do because they are sluts. 1993 Dr. Thibodaux said that was shit!!!!

1992? rape a virgin to make sure she's a virgin, who's to say that is wrong or right?

1992 catholic church is just a business

Greek orthodox and catholic after it was christian church, so it's all bullshit, as if God would allow something HE made, to be broken into two heretical pieces by MAN!!! He does that lazy logic to get himself off of the hook, for not caring!!!!!

92 church IS the leaders

WAIT a minute!!!!!!! If that is so, then WHY do you blame TODAY'S priests for the priests in 1545 A.D. ??????????????

1992 prosperity and decay- it's all a big circle

1992 Octo asked me how did I get so militant to hold on to my cherry? I said I just resisted and saw the bullshit of the sex media bombarded and the antagonization got worse and worse, and he thought that was shit cuz "I'd never bite my nails or eat sweets or jack off" if that were the case! Like it was not cutting it for him, like he was so PUSSY DRIVEN that it couldn't quench his lust!!!! Then of course he FUCKED less than a year later!!!

1992 Octo - if I turned you loose on the earth, could you have sex in 24 hours???

1992 - This was awesome! I mean SHIT!!!! I was starting to have an eye on [geb] when she was visiting me with my friend [LLL], and we went out to Nitecaps. The last song of the night is the only slow song they play that night, so it came on and I took a step forward to ask [geb] to dance and these two frat boy preppy looking dudes just run up to them and ask them to dance. FUCK ME it was amazing! That fucked me up hardcore. Now many people can trivialize this shit but it is too perfect and part of a pattern for me to listen to them.

In 1992 [a guy I knew] was in front of [LLL], I think at Nitecaps, and said in reference to condoms, "As long as you put it on, before you put it in!" [LLL] said "OH! You better be glad Kirk wasn't here to hear you say that!"

Something like 1992 when I mentioned something maybe having to do with my rap group or activism, he said all pseudo-inspirational "Kirk, be a PILLAR!" Like what the fuck was he thinking I was trying to DO IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE????????????????????????? To understand this, you have got to learn to speak PUSSY! What he was saying in actual ENGLISH was that anything to change anything is CRAP and you have got to settle for having some shit life and shit job and have the DELLUSION of being practical and level headed in the MIDST of all of that and claim to be the one who is making a REAL difference!!!!!

1992 Abortion - This was an awesome one! Lightning said that I was "dictating" to a woman that wants to kill her unborn child. So I said she could do what she wants to do with HER body, not the body of the person INSIDE of her! He then said what about harming the baby? WAIT? You said it's OK to kill the baby, now you want to PROTECT the baby??? And I wasn't even talking about a woman PREGNANT!!! Then I said that God made life, so it is not our decision and Pizza and Lighting SHUT UP COMPLETELY!!! AMAZING!!!!!

1992 - [secretary] The old shirt that made me look more adult and it pissed me off that I was "passing a note" at the age of 19. I saw her on the fucking bus and I was so PISSED OFF that I couldn't THINK!!!!!!!!!!! And I asked myself if THIS was how I was going to spend the rest of my FUCKING LIFE?? I drive to ville platte and unbeknownst to my family I slept in my room, and shocked them when I came downstairs the next morning and said that I was going out of my mind.

1992 Had my younger cousin over, I had a hardcore realization that I was a victim and this was a war. I made a 2.0 GPA and escaped suspension! I was getting pumped up with new hope!

I thought about the song title "Suicide Survivor"! Dumping some cardboard boxes in the white dumpster at Pizza Hut.

Spring 1992 GPA 1.21

Fall 1992 GPA 2.15

1993

Lightning - maybe you shouldn't have sex until after college --well after high school--well...

goes to show how something that I am rock solid about he is FUCKY FUCKY FUCKY fuckwitted and fucked up and unstable about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Don't mention how I met her til she walks in... Let the impact build!!]

At some point, Lightning was talking with me about classes and he said "Take psychology!" and that it was a pretty easy and/or straight forward class. I remember the FUCKING position that he was sitting in and the room that we were both in for the rest of my WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT MEANINGLESS LIFE because that is the SOLE and ONLY reason why I EVER met MOTHERFUCKING...

[Suzy Sorrow] !!

It was PSYC 110, MON WED FRI from 9:00 AM to 9:50 AM. Girard Hall. Her office was 306-J, the FIRST FUCKING door when you walk in Hall 306 to the right, and that is BURNED into my brain for the rest of my life!!!!!!!!!

THIS WAS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ASS RAPING OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS WAS AN OUTRIGHT IMPALING!!!!! THIS WAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE CLUSTERFUCK QUAGMIRE, THROWING WATER ON A GREASE FIRE, PISSING ON AN ELECTRIC FENCE, SKULL FUCK, MIND RAPE, FUCKING BOTCH FUCK UP, SHIT STORM, DISASTER DEBACLE GRANDIOSE ROYALE WORLD CLASS RECORD BREAKING, FUCKED IN THE BLOODY MANGLED ASSHOLE, RECTUM RAPING, ASS POUNDING, BUTT CHEEK SPREADING, POOP SHOOT VIOLATING, SHIT POUCH INVADING, CATASTROPHE FUCKING FUCK UP OF THE MILLENIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...AND FUCK ME RAW AND CHAPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring semester 1993

I was waiting for my professor to come in for PSYC 110. It was Dr. (someone) some middle aged guy in a suit, or so it seemed to indicate on the syllabus.

GOD HIMSELF could not have BUILT the universe OR engineered a PLANETARY ALIGNMENT OR my mind in ANY OTHER way so that I could have been POSSIBLY MORE unprepared!!!!!!!!!!

And then...

KAABLLLAAAAAAAMM!!!!!!!!!

SHE walked in!!!!!

There was a surge in my stomach, like I had just been punched in it but more like a jolt in my chest and behind my ribs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The LAST DEAD LAST thing in my mind was, "Maybe a beautiful woman will be teaching this class!"

NO WOMAN before, or after, EVER struck me like that by just walking into my sight!!

She was a grad student who took this professor's place. When I first approached her I called her "miss ----", and then she closed her eyes in what almost seemed as humored irritation and politely said, "Don't call me miss" I admit that it was kind of debatable, but I wanted to make sure I didn't come across as too informal. Soon in the semester, she asked me about a letter that I wrote to the school newspaper, and we started talking. Class was over, so I planned to go down to her office. I did, and when she saw me, she smiled and said, "You just couldn't get enough, could you?" She was so joking and happy. It was nice. What I wanted to say was that I wanted more of HER, not just to talk, and I held in my tongue (something that I do rarely) and it was painful. We discussed all kinds of things about society and ethics. I've done this type of stuff with male professors, so I had interest in it for the sake of conversation. I loved it. I used to look forward so much to talking with her. I didn't go over too often, but our conversations were deep. Quickly enough, our conversations got into peer pressure and society; with emphasis on teen sex and crowd conformity. If I have a conversation with someone, it sooner or later gets to that.

Here I am at almost midnight June 28 1996 trying to get my thoughts together because this little unfinished part has been rotting on my web page since I posted it March 10 1996. There's so much to say, but yet nothing is coming to my head...

We talked when I visited her from time to time and I soon accepted the fact that I was hopelessly attracted to her. When I first thought about it, I told myself that this was just some late version of an elementary crush on the teacher, but as we talked, there was so much about her that clicked like magic that I knew it wasn't some crush. It was like I already knew her. She hit these deep zones in my gut; it was like when I was in the fourth grade and a baby boy called me daddy and this force went from his voice, his eyes, and when he lifted his arms for me to take him, all the way to my GUT. I picked him up and put him beside me on the recliner on which I sat. Anyway, I was never obsessed with being a father nor did I spent my childhood dreaming about being married like some hopeless fantasy romantic, but when that child did that to me, it brought out a deep, deep feeling that I knew I was not going to use for a very long time, and that it was solid and stable...

This woman had the same atmosphere around her as if we were at my Grandpa Adley's having a barbeque, near his barn in his front yard (turned away from passing traffic) with the uneven grass and chickens... something that I had done weekend after weekend in my life growing up. I told her about my radical plans (back then, I was just starting to solidify in my agenda and beliefs) and she'd fight with me just like my Mom. Her voice, her tone, her frustrated extended lips, the breaths that she'd draw... There was so much there. It filled the room. (I loved the way that she said "room"). Anyway, I started getting very concerned. I knew that I wanted to ask her out, but that would not be the smartest thing to do...

xxaxxixx

(The rest is the SHORT version because I'll never finish it)

I had a female friend that said that she hated it when a guy that she met, took four months to ask her out. She said by then, she got to see him as only a friend. I then started worrying that this would happen with Suzy Sorrow. So I started working on ways to drop hints to her that I was interested. The thought of her telling me at the end of the semester that she had come to see me too much as a student, and then not go out with me because of it was agonizing to me, so I was trying to take every step I could to avoid that.

She wore a dress one day to class that I complimented on, and was wandering whether she'd get the idea. Some time later in the semester, I thought that I needed to give her a complment that was potent, but not too revealing. I then thought to use the phrase "physically attractive", and then to tell her that she looked physically desirable in her dress, from that previous time. I then thought over and over that I may need to try something more potent than that, because I cringed at the thought of coming across to her as a geeky 10 year-old saying "Golly Gee, I think you're swell!" I then thought to use the phrase "sexually desirable".

It bombed; I freaked her out. I kept trying to apologize but it just freaked her out more.

The debacle ended (there's more detail than that) with a cop calling my house saying that he wasn't saying who was wrong or right, but she definitely did not want to me to contact her again.

I had nightmares about her for NINE YEARS of her screaming at me and calling me a rapist, and still had occassional dreams about her after, although it has been a while.

I realized that I was in love with her; the most negative experience of my life.

I analyzed things in retrospect that has made me conclude that she had been raped before she met me.

Everyone said that college would be different, but it was WORSE! Women that I am interested in don't just call me a nerd behind my back; now they call the COPS on me!!

***********************

***********************

Lightning reading my 1993 cuss letter and picking a fight with me, so he was a direct result of the TWO versions that [Suzy Sorrow] asked me about, so even he can STILL be another reason as to why the clusterfuck happened!!!!!!

To tape the Atari 2600 E.T. game didn't work and just gave out a black screen, and 'til this day I do not know what went wrong!!! The failure of the VCR taping just set the tone for the clusterfuck disaster that was upcoming!!!!

And when the clusterfuck happened, I knew I was not going to see her at her office that day, so I stayed home and thought that I'll be able to catch that new "Transformers: Generation 2" that I caught a glimpse of the week before. Then I thought OH FUCKING WELL!!!! NINE FUCKING YEARS LATER AND I AM STILL ROYALLY FAILING WITH WOMEN AND HAVE ONLY TRANSFORMERS IN MY WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIFE AS THE DEAL THAT IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That just hit me and stuck with me!!! FUCK that was depressing!!! And then when I waited for it to come on, it was the FUCKING chipmunks instead! So it, to me, was yet another FUCK YOU from the universe or maybe God himself, that I couldn't even have a fucking transformers episode to cheer me up from that disaster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LLL] hates when a guy takes four months to ask her out, because she gets to see them as a friend and it is like dating her brother, and as a DIRECT result i started getting nervous about [Suzy Sorrow], and wanted to say something BEFORE class was over, to put a bug in her ear and THEN ask her out after class was over for the semester!

my "gollie gee, I think your swell" didnt work for me in the fifth grade much less at 19!!! [I LITERALLY pictured her LAUGHING at me in some botched scenario where I was trying to come across as genuine and nice, and that she would see me as a WHIMP LOSER CHILDLIKE fuckwit for not being this super slick manly stud that would approach her with super crazy bold confidence...] GEEEEEEEEEEEEZ was I FUCKED over by this slut whore pop culture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought cuz of her age (She is 5 years older than I am) I would have to try something more potent and if I DIDN'T she would laugh at me as this little young and wet behind the ears inexperienced little NERD who never had a girlfriend LOSER, and just laugh me out of the CAMPUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Octo said with [Suzy Sorrow] I was impatient --FUCK------ in my universe, "wait a little longer" means NEVER!!!! And I saw this from a trillion miles away!!!!!

*****************************************

[Outta Line]

This is the entire encompassing being of me, my life, and everything that I'll ever be. This is me; I am this. There is nothing else besides this. This is my auto-biography! My life is nothing besides this...

The first woman I ever loved in my life told me:

"You're outta line"

I'm outta line

A 19 year old virgin nerd that first kissed a girl when 14

The peak of my romantic life in highschool

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

Hell yeah, why else would I be a pushing 20 college student who regrets kissing two of the four girls he ever kissed?

I was called nerd for so long I still think that I'm in the fifth grade

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

Damn right, you whore bitch!!!!!

Go suck those guys cocks, but I want to date you and...

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

Got in yelling matches bordering on fist fights with guys while defending virginity

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

Go get raped by the jocks and the Bobby Blowjobs and the Joe Jackoffs and the Patrick Pussypoppers, you back stabbing bitches!!!!! You are attracted to the guys who rape you. You are attracted to the guys who rape you rape you rape you rape you rape you rape you rape you rape you

To hell with you, raped bitches!!!!

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

I'll be a 75 year old virgin, that ends up bringing little kids camping while I screw them up the ass

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

I watch guys get girls numbers who they never met in their entire life and then then say how they bet that girl could suck a mean dick because of her big red lips. They stare at their ass, and when they talk about their date, they say they got them a little pootie as if sex is nothing but a small kernel of popcorn. Girls have the nerve to complain about guys like that when it is these same girls that respond to those same guys and made them what they are

I'm outta line

I'm outta line

Since I devoted my life to working on this equation, and fighting every day with the guys and every afternoon in my head and every night in my sleep, I am a prime suspect for all rapes because people are trained to judge all guys as the horny boinkers. I am guilty of their crimes because I am a guy, but the fact that I almost killed myself and fought long and hard (just like my cock is when I jack off) doesn't mean a damn thing!!!!!!!

I'm outta line

Remember, you had better succumb (look it up! It doesn't just mean conform; it can mean to die also. Conformity is death) to the almighty hype that says we have to screw whores and if they don't want it, RAPE them because they all deserve it. There is no God, just sex. We were put on Earth to boink and rape. A female willingly having sex with you is boring. Rape them!! Then you will have fun and fulfill your obligations for being born with a penis. It is your obligation as a male to rape women. This is the only purpose in life. Women are inferior life forms, just hollow bags with an opening called a vagina that's only purpose is to be filled with semen, after you beat the crap out of her, of course.

And you had DAMNED well better not even think about opposing this, to any degree, in any way, shape, or form, for one single split second in your life, or else YOU'LL be...

outta line

************************************************

Lightning: One of his greatest hits!!! The antithesis to the notion that Kirk James Fontenot has ANY plight! He said that all I have to worry about is to find a date, but he has something that he has to fight with every day, or something like that. Like wait a FUCKING minute! Alienation with the opposite sex is NOTHING to trivialize! Well FUCK I know that if I tried to take his wife away from him now, he'd bitch about it, or hopefully! Or if I just walked up to him on his wedding day and said that he can't get married just because I said so, he would have protested and asked me who the fuck was I to order him to be lonely!! Just like he DID TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Later (years later) I found out that his thing that he "has to fight with every day" was his eye sight. It's so funny because he was going through the EXACT same shit I was!!!! Which was having issues with women, and he twisted it all around like I was coming up with BULLSHIT and his delusional bullshit was some real hard stuff that I was too much of a pussy to handle!!! FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(fuck me 7/18/2022) The thermostat incident! I don't know if Pizza knew that he did it and didn't care, or what the fuck ever, BUT he managed to knock off the panel (or whatever you call it) of our thermostat, while he was leaving with his bike, and left it on the floor, on his way to school. Lightning sees this and was pissed. He puts it back on. Later that day, Pizza was back and skirted in between us to get to the kitchen and said "excuse me". Lightning said something like, "Well, there's not excuse, BUT..." So fucking somehow Pizza was yet again, supposed to use his telepathic super powers to know as to WHY Lighting was so pissed! This is yet another case where Lighting was more concerned with just ripping into a person that he had a conflict with, rather than fucking explaining as to why he was so pissed!! it was his fucking track record of his entire LIFE, all of the time that I knew him!!!!!!! (fuck me 7/18/2022)

Lightning: I have my own battles!! Well you PUSSY out of the ones I fight, so you're just a CONDITIONAL coward, then?????

Another masterpiece from Lightning! We got in some bullshit conversation about some bullshit, and one way or the other he took some pot shot at me (in the context of my failures with women) or said something stupid which prompted me to make some sort of comment like "And who the fuck are you, like you're some Romeo or Don Juan that has the chicks beating his door down?" because he was full of shit and in denial about something or some shit or the other... (like he always was)

So, as ALWAYS, he doesn't even seem to swallow or process it and he just gets this shit eating smirk on his face and says "Well I could be more like that if I wanted to." I mean WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? What SANE heterosexual guy just says "Yeah I had the chance to date more than just a few women my entire FUCKING LIFE but you see I just WANT to be lonely because I am so fucking busy with so much!!!!" I mean FUCK what kind of super denial bullshit bullshit jack off bullshit is THAT???????????????????????????????

1993? south college Pizza said about pre-marital sex, if she wants to wait until marriage she can keep waiting WITHOUT ME! Then egged on the dumping of a girl by one of his dickhead friends saying she was a "Vestal Virgin", and was trashing her because she didn't want to have pre-marital sex with Pizza's loser friend, who was pressuring her for sex! AND HE IS THE ONE WHO IS MARRIED NOW AND I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS, BOYS AND GIRLS, FUCK LIKE A WHORE AND DON'T FIGHT TO STAY A VIRGIN, BECAUSE YOU'LL BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING COCK STROKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

93? [LLL] One time we were near the laundromat or some shit and she was telling me about some guy --------------- as best as I remember - - "He's like, the ultimate guy!" and IMMEDIATELY I got this image in my head of some Luke Perry "Dylan 90210" dude who was just slick and "cool" and just suave and shit that had NOTHING to do with any real substance of actual morals or compatibility and shit!!! That was yet another big slap in the face to me!

I quoted Pizza in front of Octo saying that Pizza said that he was cool with a woman that was somewhat religious but not "overly religious" so Octo sneered in spite and said "Well he's not gonna have a hard time!" and that was hilarious!!! This showed a point of mine, that the liberal anti-religious pieces of shit are so mainstream and it is never enough for them! I mean in Pizza's universe he was a victim of this dominant religious extremism and religion was everywhere, and it was too much! BULLSHIT!!!! This is an atheist nation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it is still not enough for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean I am the one that is alone today! Not HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His ass is MARRIED!!!!!

[the dollar cinema] I was with DAY and offshore in what used to be the dollar cinema by the Heymann Center on South College in Lafayette. We saw a movie that had a woman in it that reminded me of [Suzy Sorrow]. It made me enraged and SICK! It still enrages me and when I see that actress I still think of [Suzy Sorrow]. It enrages me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the hitchhiker] I picked up this guy and the other guy he was with rode in the back. That week or something I had seen a scene on Melrose Place where this guy (former boyfriend, Keith Gray - played by William R. Moses) tried to rape Allison (Courtney Thorne-Smith) and I was telling the hitchhiker about my reaction to that scene (It might have been the EXACT night that I got the arrest warning from [Suzy Sorrow]; I think Wednesday) and I was saying: THAT'S THE ASSHOLE KIND OF GUY THAT DESERVES TO HAVE THE FUCKING COPS CALL HIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is the fucking theme song for my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will fucking watch rapists and wife beaters be seen as SEXUALLY SUPERIOR TO ME AND WOMEN PREFER THEM OVER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And FUCK YOU Kirk Fontenot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

high school said it didn't bother him that guys had girlfriends, and when I said he probably thought about it LESS than me, he immediately blurts back, I NEVER thought about it ONCE. HUH???????????????????????? He was LYING and in DENIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is a motherfucker who got into it with me about giving kids condoms and shook his head "No, you have to educate them". So according to HIS universe young boys do not even THINK about dating or having ANY companionship AT ALL, but their dicks just pop up one day and they just drop their pants in the middle of the school hall and bang the first girl nearby and just pull their pants back up and go to class. Dating is unnatural; wanting companionship or relationships is warped, wrong, evil and fucked, so here is the FUCKING condom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because meaningless one night stand teenage pre-marital sex is beautiful and natural... BUT DATING, RELATIONSHIPS and LOVE is all BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that fucked up liberal humanist godless BULLSHIT must be RIGHT because today he is married and I am not...

Well, thank you so very much for setting me straight with your sobering reality check, COCKSUCKER!!!!!!!!!

[1992?] Lightning, we are just mammals, YOU CAN'T STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like who's fucking side are you on???????? I bitched at him for not hating the boinkers and jocks who DOG THE SHIT OUT OF HIS ENTIRE NERD SUB-CULTURE and hating ME instead, and he just DODGED it...

1993 going to the library, I knew that the clusterfuck was so fucking extreme that it was OVER!!! I was NEVER going to find someone!! This bullshit just built and built and built and I was told REPEATEDLY about the new horizon of college and all this new "clean slate" argument and BULLSHIT!!!!! I mean HOW IN THE FUCK was I going to recover from this clusterfuck??? So it is like being told that some terrorist group is on their last leg and hiding out in a cave with a pistol with one bullet and a pack of food for two meals, so the Marine snipers and Navy Seals rush in to attack them and they go in the cave and find a fucking titanium fortress with radar and heat seeking missiles and all kind of shit!!! I mean FUCK you have to first abandon the method that gave you the incorrect intelligence to begin with, then you have to assess how you are going to attack this NEW problem! I mean FUCK, that incident proved that there was so much wrong with what I had envisioned to be the REAL situation, that I had a complete OPPOSITE reaction from [Suzy Sorrow] than I anticipated. And now, the inability to get a fucking woman was AMPLIFIED by a factor of 1000 than from HIGH SCHOOL! It was BACKWARDS!!! It didn't get BETTER!! It got WORSE!!!! Some girl that I had the hots for didn't just call me "nerd" behind my back; she called the COPS on me like I was a FUCKING RAPIST!!!! FUCK!!!!! I had just turned 20 and I was already washed up!!!!!!!!!!

The car analogy - use barrel for fuel that ends up being a random combination of discards that was a super freak instant of occurrence, never to be duplicated again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Real destructive shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1993 Octo at my grandma's funeral, dogging me like I was at a parade!!!!! HE WAS FUCKING WIRED AND BUZZING ON ENDORPHINS!!!!! I was so used to his fucking attacks, it didn't even OCCUR to me to be pissed at him, much less, yell at him to shut up because if he hadn't noticed, I just had a GRANDMOTHER that died!!!! He said the fucking cops were going to be pounding my door "Kirk Fontenot!!! Are you in there???" So I just SNAPPED at him in a biting tone and said [almost exact quote] "Ok Mr. Stud Mr. Lady Killer who gets all the women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where's YOUR master plan to get dates??????????????" He didn't even BLINK or PAUSE and had this BIG OL' HUGE shit eating grin, like his face was about to stretch and explode all over the room, gestured with his open hands to me, and just belted out in PRIDE and ELATION: "I don't let it affect me till I'm getting a .5 average in school!!!"

OH!!!!!!!!!!!! So let me get this shit straight!!!!!!!!! Octo was SMILING and BOASTING to the fact that we were BOTH going to be lonely losers STILL jacking off of at the age of 57; it would just be that with his college degrees, that he would be able to afford the JUMBO Vaseline jar to lubricate his lonely cock with, and the TWO PLY Kleenex to wipe himself up with; and I was going to still be working fast food in 30 years and I would just have to wipe up my cum with the bed sheet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And THAT is going to be what SEPERATES US??????????????????? Well, I'll give him no argument there!!! He had the last laugh!! HA HA HA!!!!!! He really put me in my place!! He REALLY showed me, DIDN'T HE!?!?!?!?!?!?!

COMPLETELY IGNORED MY POINT, that a young male should be ADRESSING that kind of failure instead of bowing down to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN to top it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!---------------- IGNORED that he FUCKED. So he was THEREFORE lying by omission!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, Octo, Mr. Catholic!!!! You didn't let it affect you until you were getting a .5 average in school! You simply let it affect you til you FUCKED and therefore pissed your cherry away and violated some of your deepest Catholic morals of GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I succeeded in life where HE FAILED AND HE CAN'T FESS UP TO IT ---------------------- AND NEVER HAS... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had emailed him and mentioned that since he had sex and violated his morals that NOW I thought that he'd FINALLY get back to me and say, "Gee, Kirk, NOW I understand why you got so hardcore obsessed about morals!" HE NEVER RESPONDED to that statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I asked him if he would go one in my life AND if his wife was WORTH him having nightmares for nine years. He NEVER fessed up to it!!!!!

He thinks that I am the one who is "crazy", while he is normal!!

His Catholicism is NOT his religion; it is his GANG COLOR!!!!!

Octo (who fucked at 19, while I held my cherry) NEVER ADMITTED DEFEAT and COMPOUNDED that, (2005?) take this with a grain of salt but its because you're crazy and no one wants to fuck you. I reminded him that I could have had sex at 19.

in 1993 I told Octo the story that my fucking license plates bulbs didn't work and I couldn't get inspected and it might be some 500 dollar electrical problem and he erupted in laughter and said... (like)

"KIRK YOU JUST GET FUCKED!!!"

1993 right after "insurance" phone call ---I asked him to go off in his rage and he said I just got one word and that is "injustice"

I'm impressed! Kirk and harrison ford movies

Spring 1993 I had a sample of her handwriting of the class, that had that guy who would make people debate and make her, and other people's blood boil, [English ??? Dr. ??????] He sneered and said that I need to get a life...

Fall semester, late 1993 with my dad - he was being a dick on some rant and trashing himself, so I said something back and he snapped at me "Oh! A Philosopher!" So I snapped back at him in a forceful tirade, and then he just starts snapping back at me more sarcastically and flailing his arms in the air "HEY HEY YEAH YEAH OH OH OH!!" mocking me so I just SNAPPED on him and got as angry and as violent that I possibly could and said [as loudly and growling and hateful as I could]:

YOU'RE GOD DAMNED RIGHT!

[exact quote]

and finally he went from being a dickhead to STILL and DEAD silent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He just whipped his head and looked at me with wide wide wide open eyes and just FROZE in SHOCK!!!!!! I'll never FUCKING FORGET THAT; IT'S LIKE IT WAS FIVE SECONDS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just like the Columbine high school massacre in Littleton Colorado (Tuesday April 20 1999; courtesy of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This time a CHILD had to give the PARENT a spanking!!!!!!! And when the CHILD has to give the spanking to the PARENT, it's gonna be nothing nice!!!! This is not a tap on the ass with a belt; this is a CLUSTERFUCK BLOOD LUST DEATH MASSACRE!!!!!!! So THAT is what I learned with him as a father, with me being branded the "nerd" and with the emasculation of not getting the FUCKING girls, and last but CERTAINLY NOT least, MUTHA FUCKING [Suzy Sorrow]!!!! And that lesson was, if you DON'T bow down to all the evil in the world, and serve the DEVIL, you are going to be punished ALL OF YOUR LIFE, and if you DARE resist... when aggression or violence doesn't work, you just crank it up TEN KNOTCHES and use MORE aggression and violence!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if THAT doesn't work, crank it up TEN MORE KNOTCHES FROM THAT and so on and so on...

FUCK IT, BLOW UP A COUPLE OF CONTINENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GET THE FUCKING RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1993 in my red Mazda truck I was with [offshore] and DAY - we heard what seemed to be a bottle or something being smashed, and DAY said what would you do if he did that on your truck? I paused for a second or two and said , well right then and there I would have to make up my mind if the rest of my life, is worth throwing away for me to get out there and kill him...

he was a bit impressed, and said something like whoa - I didn't think you had it in you or something like that and asked me to say it again, and I said like "I'm not saying that bullshit again" THAT is what my nerd background, coupled with FUCKING [Suzy Sorrow], did to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before that, I would have NEVER been so FUCKING VIOLENT and easily provoked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1993? [day] was in a conversation with me and said "Kirk, you ain't scared to say SHIT, huh?" I mean a guy that knew me for less than a YEAR gives me a pat on the back for having balls and guys that knew me for fucking years and years just didn't give me credit for JACK SHIT!!!!!

Late 1993? early 1994? Octo when I told him that I thought the math test was going to be the next class day and I walked out of the room knowing I missed the GPA to avoid suspension that "they finally won". He says with a sneering expression "poor you". PUSSY.

[1993? give or take???] THE FUCKING GREEN PHONE!!!! I almost forgot about this one!! This was fucking amazing!!!!!!!!! Lightning had this green phone and I swear every fucking time I picked it up the damned chord was tangled at the EXACT tip of where the receiver was and the base of the phone! So the entire phone would jerk up instead of just the receiver!!! It was the most agonizing thing in the fucking world!! And Lightning was very clear that he never had any problem with that happening!! AND THAT JUST FIT THE UNIVERSE OF KIRK FUCKING FONTENOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ONLY way that FUCKING phone would pick up right, was to pull it at an exact angle of 48.462955 degrees with the force of .78364 pounds of pressure per square inch and HE DID IT COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS every fucking time, and for me it FUCKED UP every single time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Like typical men with women versus ME with women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

I MEAN FUCK!!!! After the company that he was with crapped its pants and laid off 30% of the workforce, he got the job interview (and maybe even hired the same day? but maybe later) AND met the woman that he later married THE SAME FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was happy for him!!!! Don't get me wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like it was too fucking perfect and that kind of SHIT would NEVER happen to fucking Kirk Fontenot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK ME IN THE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring 1993 GPA 0.75

Fall 1993 GPA 0.5

1994

Worked at Pizza Hut the whole year!

93? 94? Lightning, liberals are people who relax values and when the decay happens they say its reality! His solid doctrine!

93? 94? South college in my room: Geni star trek - we should have no standards

93? 94? Lightning at 8, I realized checks and balances can't work

93? 94? accused me of being too lazy to reach over the bed to pull the bedspread

93? 94? dogging me on the video game PHATAL

one time Lightning said he wasn't saying change opinion, change TONE! Yeah right!

Liberals are saying this TODAY that the pro-lifers have to "change their rhetoric or accept blood on their hands". This was the same bastard that just simply referred to my site with NO DETAILS and said "Happy Sieg Heil, nut job" and when I pressed him like SIX TIMES IN A ROW to say what his beef was, he COULDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!! What really happened was that he got from my site that I didn't suck his liberal cock, and that was an act of war to him!

1993 94? Lightning was WARM AND FUZZY WITH some girl. I had to rewrite this one for the sake of being delicate and extreme anonymity. There was a situation where this cutie girl was with Lightning and he was something like warm and fuzzy and goo goo eyed with her, and clearly attracted to her. And yet, in his version of the story, she was something like "kinda flirting almost" if I remember the quote. There was another guy who witnessed that situation and he recalled to me that Lightning was the one who was gooey goo goo dreamy eyed and not her. The reason why I bring this up is because I am trying to cite extreme variables in society in complex moral issues that overwhelm people so badly that they literally rewrite their memories with the extreme reversal of what really happened. I am not saying that I am Jesus Christ; I am simply saying that the real issue is to acknowledge that things are so bad and people who SNAP in this fashion, are indicators that these extreme problems need to be fixed. Even by that time from knowing Lightning for like 2 or 3 years, I knew that it was in character for him to get some kind of emotional situation completely backwards from reality. That was his rock solid track record! Not trying to be mean, just saying what I saw BASHED IN MY FUCKING FACE 100% of the time, without fail or deviation!!!!!!!!!! For the seven years I fucking lived with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

93? 94? South college [offshore] sees the condom and Lightning gets all shit eating grin

93? 94? South college: rap causes violence, then forgets it!!! says something opposite later. erases his memory. And the killings BEFORE rap were OK, but NOW it is a big deal because they have THEME MUSIC????????????

Lightning (1994), read "outta line" to him and he was EMOTIONLESS and didn't FLINCH and didn't pause at ALL!!! Well Kirk, there's only one problem, what if someone takes that further, like the TV movie "Model by Day" (aired March 21st 1994) starring Famke Jennsen, playing the character Lex/Lady X (that had recently played), who had a copycat version of herself that killed people? So what the fuck was he saying? Abolish free speech and lobotomize everyone so they can't feel emotion so it won't rile up violence? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was a case where showing emotion was RIGHT, not something that was "outta line"! A dead and dry reaction shows a dysfunction!

Pizza halfway semi-impressed me. I read "outta line" to him and he said with some bit of emotion like, "Yeah I see, but I'm just not as verbose as you are." That was still somewhat fucked, but not nearly as FUCKED as Lightning!!!

94? At some point I had said "outta line" and Octo just stopped and said ----- that just affected you didn't it? This is ironic because he complained to me some time before that his man slut roommate gets over women like nothing because he sees them as objects and says "THAAAAAAAAAAT BITCH!" and just forgets it! Yet, Octo was doing the same thing to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1994 - a CLASSIC! Pizza and I are in the kitchen and out of the blue we hear BLAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!! The door to their shared bedroom SLAMS shut! So we instantly think, Oh great! Lightning is pissed off and we now have to read his mind as to what in the world he is so hardcore enraged about!!! I tried to probe him, but I was low on Zaldhor crystals that morning and therefore my telepathic powers couldn't penetrate the walls...

I look at Pizza and ask what the hell was that? He looks at me with a wry smirk and says, "I just ignore him..." Like this kind of stunt and outburst got to be so COMMON, that it was now conventional protocol!!!!! And of course we all know that ignoring something makes it go away!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, I knew this had to be addressed. I go to work and come back and approach Lightning and ask what happened. He says that Pizza was taking 50 tries a PIECE to get his coins picked up off of the dresser while Lightning was trying to sleep - I guess Pizza had to be somewhere early that day. So after banging and clanging on the dresser 50 times a piece for 100 coins, Pizza finally gets all his change in his pocket and goes in the bathroom. He forgets to close the door, so Lightning trying to sleep hears every single bit of noise with us banging and eating in the kitchen, and then decided that the best way to communicate to Pizza, that Pizza needs to CLOSE the door is to SLAM it all HIS MIGHT, and then Pizza will interpret that as "Oh! I needed to close the door! And Lightning was so DIPLOMATIC and RATIONAL about it!!!!" And since Pizza's solution to this was to "ignore" it, it showed how EFFECTIVE Lightning's technique was!!!! They YELL or have some hardcore overly emotional antagonistic reaction and the person is supposed to READ your mind with their telepathic powers!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then Lightning made some comments about his father being dominating and lacking communication and all kind of shit that he obviously got from his father, and we all have our baggage and pain, so I guess life just sucks!!!!!!!!!! Not trying to judge anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They made a fucking anti-COUPLE from Hell!!! One did NO COMMUNICATION at all, other than VICIOUS rage, while the other made no RESPONSE AT ALL, other than to IGNORE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is hard; then you die!

[93? 94?] And some shit happened about cleaning the room and Lightning barked at him and said DAMN IT!! And Pizza asked him what he wanted to him to do first and he kept condescendingly repeating CLEAN THE ROOM five times, like a BITCH abusive parent, which was of course some behavior he was emulating from his father!!!!

And then in 1994 at Pizza Hut I was telling [Dillan] that when I was going to be 75, I would see a family eating at a table and see the husband with his wife and RAM my knife into his throat while I ram him onto the table right in front of his fucking wife while his blood gushes out all over the clean white table cloth, so she can watch her husband DIE!!! And FUCK, he said I was scaring the shit out of him!! I would have NEVER thought of that shit if it hadn't been for the super catalyst of the [Suzy Sorrow] skull fuck incident to my nerd rage and nerd oppression!!!

1995

THE PERSONAL AD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last clusterfuck with [Suzy Sorrow]. I prayed to GOD that something could come out of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just finished with that BULLSHIT and my high school Valedictorian was getting married and showed me her ring. AND THAT WAS FUCKING FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People my AGE have kids about to go to COLLEGE and FUCK I am more distanced from women than I have ever been in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1995 Octo on [Suzy Sorrow] - even if she got a blank piece of paper, she would have still freaked! You can ONLY come to these kind of conclusions after COMPLETELY selling women out through SEXISM!!!!!!!!!!!

Vermilion article 1995 sex is in; serious relationships out on college campuses.

I had in me the notion that if I showed my family something in PRINT that they'd see that it wasn't just me RANTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOY was I fucking stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally read it to my fucking family and they were like YAWN! OK, Kirk, that's enough, with all that... yadda yadda yadda. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And they wander what fed my fucking fire!!!!

I actually thought that I was going to make a new start!!!!!!

So here I am again! Just like in the 8th grade going to 9th and getting ready for Ville Platte High! Just like trying to grow and adapt in my junior year! Just like in going to college, from having been a senior and trying to look ahead and be eager! Just like I did when I had a positive ending to 1992, and later met [Suzy Sorrow] at the start of 1993! It NEVER ends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bullshit just gets more and more complex and the results GET WORSE, not better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It went BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would have gotten FURTHER with women in my life by doing NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have just conformed, sold out and gotten married and gotten laid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Completely served the DEVIL, sold God out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it would all be over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get this shit like women don't want to meet a guy that way! Well what the fuck else are you going to do?? Are women in the position to be so arbitrarily discriminating?? They THINK they are but in reality they are not!!!!!!!!!

I was trying to counter the fact that my radar always seems to be flawed and if I go for a complete sweep, that I'll get a woman that I wouldn't have been able to get otherwise. CLUSTERFUCK.

That weird girl who called and said that she and her friends used to have a contest as to see which one of them could date the BIGGEST jerk/asshole!!! Well of course!!! Degrade yourself like that!!!!!!!!!!!! That makes perfect sense!!!!!!!!!!!

I got that sicko "Janie" like that was her real name! Saying the romantic scene wasn't forced and THAT was what I should put in the ad! HUH??

[Germany girl] 1995 personal ad! Your letter offended me (no explanation or details). FUCK, the new standard is not to say that you disagree, but to say that you were offended! I mean FUCK, now they are saying, suck my cock, or else you are going to insult me!!!! I am not a liberal but if they are going to do it anyway, give them the condom. YEAH PERFECTLY LOGICAL AND CONSERVATIVE AND CHRISTIAN!!! Then 2 years later she was moaning and whaling at Chi Alpha!! FITS PERFECT!!!! And not to blame her, but she told me the specifics to some rough shit she had been through as a child, so it really fit the bill!! Like Octo said, most of these college "Christian" feel good functions and organizations are just simply recovery groups! Pancakes and how appropriate!! Light fluff and empty calories!!!! But it seems that he and I are the only ones that know that!!!

20 calls that hung up; 20 calls with female that said "Is this Kirk?" - "yeah" - CLICK.

Hot legs contest; orgasm moan contest; wet t shirt contest. That is all OK. Just don't ask for a date!!!!

1995 Lightning said I was cocky when I said "the one and only" to one girl. Like I had to report to his fucking ass! A liberal that is a closet bureaucrat just like Frank Herbert said in Dune. Then when I called him on his bullshit, he said some shit like we were just making sure??? what the FUCK????????????? 3rd nerd just sat there and mildly jumped in, being full of shit!!!

1995??????? [subsystem] I was just wrapping up some web surfing and for some reason lagging behind and had JUST a few seconds to haul my ass to English (I think) I log off, and while the computer is taking the 30 seconds or so to "wrap up" at the exact SPLIT second that the screen shuts off DEAD back to the login prompt for another student to log in - MY EMAIL PROGRAM BUZZES ME WITH A NEW MESSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a FUCKING nanosecond!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I was like SHIT - BUT.... no big deal [I wasn't expecting anything important] - I'll just come back after class or something!!!!!!!!! So I did...

it was from a woman student (I still remember the full name) that said like [are you the guy in the Vermilion that said he'd treat a woman right? If you are, please come talk to me], like she was in the LAB at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I was like GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She saw me leave at that split second so she thought I was IGNORING HER!!!!!!!!!!! So I buzzed her back and said that I was on my way out and had like two seconds to get to class when her message came and I was sorry that I missed her...

she buzzes me back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She said that she didn't have a CLUE as to what I was talking about and that she never messaged me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point - this kind of shit became almost common place for me!!!!!! Some black ops, cloak and dagger, conspiracy against me or some shit!!!!!!!!!! Now it was common nerd knowledge that "spoofing" email [sending an email with the appearance that it came from another person's email address] was easy to do, if you teach yourself!!! So I figured that I had some ultra hater that was a nerd, and that wanted to dick me over and fuck with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you fucking imagine???????????????

Either that or she was emotionally unstable and irately concluded that I deliberately ignored her and tried to save face and she was so enraged that she denied ever contacting me...

[and this is even MORE full of shit because if she READ the ad, MY FUCKING PHONE NUMBER WAS IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! - She could have just called!!!!!!!!!!! And WHY in the fuck would she wait until the NEXT semester, MONTHS after the ads ran??????????? And FUCK even if it was a JOKE, then why did the fraudulent pranksters WAIT so many months after???????? It STILL doesn't make sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

maybe I should have gone to the ADMIN about it to see if some fraud could have been confirmed...

Like at the time of the ad - I got MULTIPLE times (at least twice) a call from a female that said she was such and such and gave me her number - and when I called, the voice was different but female, and they had no knowledge of me or the message - so I told them they have apparently some enemy that is trying to screw with them (as well as me)!!!! SICK BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1995 Yeah and then one of Lightning's friends called me and said that I had balls announcing that I was a virgin but could marry a woman that has had sex before, as long as she was for pre-marital virginity NOW, and tried to give me some encouragement by saying that college was a very immature setting and that women grow up when they get out of college and get into the work force...

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA wait a FUCKING minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UH....................

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY??????????????????

I heard that same BULLSHIT during HIGHSCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was told that it was COLLEGE that was going to be a new horizon and a clean slate and all this bullshit!!! That the slate was going to be wiped clean and it was going to be a new start and all this bullshit!!!!!!!! NOW I am being told that college is the SAME bullshit and I gotta FUCKING wait until AFTER I graduate until I am in the FUCKING work force to get a fucking woman to date my fucking ass, while I watch every asshole guy who treats women like shit, dating all that they want and even get MARRIED by that time??????????

I mean, this shit is NEVER going to END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sarcasm inserted here]-------------------[YEARS PASS and I graduate college and get in the work force] You see Kirk, you gotta wait until you get that promotion because the entry level in the work force is very immature and you won't be able to get the girls! Never mind that the other 90% of the male population is knee deep in wet pussy; never mind that; never mind that people your fucking age are already married with two kids; never mind that 90% of other guys don't go through ONE MILLIONTH of the FUCKSHIT that you do to get girls! NEVER mind that; never mind that the more you treat women like shit, the more you get; never mind that there's a pattern here and things are clusterfucked and the fucking parents and priests can't address JACK SHIT as to what you are going through; never mind ANY of that! [YEARS pass and I get the promotion] Oh! You see Kirk, well yeah, um... you see you gotta wait until you get into management because uh... you see, like um.... the established work force is very immature and all this shit and stuff!! This and that won't work with women and you just have to be patient and wait! Don't get impatient!! You see God's in control and He'll let you have that girlfriend or wife when He wants on His timing! You gotta trust Him! The established work force is very immature! [YEARS pass and I work my way to management] Well, Kirk, you see, like, um... yeah... um... management is very immature and this kind of shit, so like, yeah, um, you gotta wait until upper management for the women to be mature and shit and then you'll get the girls and shit! Don't lose faith or give up! And so on...

I retire...

I get sick and go into a nursing home...

I am on my death bed in ICU...

You see Kirk! You gotta wait until, like, yeah, um, like, yeah, the ICU thing is a little immature so it's not quite the right time and shit; if you just hold out a little longer until GOD is ready for you to have someone, you like, yeah, like, um, yeah, you will get the girl!

I DIE...

My fucking funeral is OVER, I am embalmed and decomposing in the fucking ground. They go to my tombstone. FLATLINED, DECEASED, ROTTING CARCASS in the fucking ground...

DEATH...

[They stand by my grave and look down at it...]

You see Kirk, like, yeah, um, yeah, like, and shit, you see, um, like, yeah, all we gotta do is get your DNA from your remains and clone you so we will in effect bring you back and you'll get the girl, you see? Um, like, yeah, um, like, yeah, you see, now human cloning still is not perfected so it's gonna take a while, you know? But if you just hold out and keep the faith! It's got to be on GOD'S timing!!! Keep the faith!! Um, like, yeah, like, you see, um, like yeah, like, you see, um... You just gotta hang in there...

1995 Dr. Blair - women date jerks because there is a need for conflict! That's like saying that you rammed an 18 wheeler into a store "well I wanted a candy bar"

1995 CLUSTERFUCK FALL OUT WITH Octo!!

1995 spat - laughing at my expense -- you don't say THAT to get her attention, you say that if you're trying to fuck her - but he tried to get a girl drunk so he could fuck her, so I guess that is OK. The woman didn't drink that night but fucked him anyway; go figure.

In a history class 200 years from now: Moral reference frame was screwed up because the dating battlefield was ruled by the jerks and assholes, and the nice guys WERE the PUSSIES that they were accused of being!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thank GOD that we had people... like... PRESIDENT Fontenot!

[delchamps] said that when I told her that it didn't surprise her. I was like HUH, you left hours before all that crap went down! And she said that when I would turn my head to talk to her and I couldn't see him, Octo would look at me intensely with this burning HATE and disgust! And I was like how in the fuck could she tell THAT? She told me [exact quote] "it filled the room". I mean FUCK man!!!! If I were to take a stab at it, I would say that he just graduated, and had his diploma that he showed me and it sunk in as a hollow victory because he had no girlfriend. Pissed his cherry away and got no emotional satisfaction (no one is THAT angry in THAT kind of way without having given up their cherry before marriage) or what other bullshit that he was going through with extreme self denial that he wasn't addressing at all and just trying to bury it!!!!!!!!!! And then of course with his hatred that he always had for me, just AMPLIFIED by a factor of a TRILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And naturally he doesn't have the balls to get into it with an asshole jock or womanizer, so he has to take it out on ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes so much sense especially in retrospect - HE IS A WARPED NEUROTIC FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is the exact nut-job that he accuses ME of being!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like I barked at Lightning and said you were the FUCKING one who suggested the class so I blame YOU; and Octo said SEE SEE I TOLD YOU, he blames others for his shit! I MEAN FUCK what the fuck ever happened to all these mythical beautiful overly romanticized college stories like "Yeah I met my wife because she was my roommates sister; my wife had a class with my roommate; yeah my roommates sister's best friend, or SOMETHING..." But NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or God FUCKING forbid that it could have WORKED with [Suzy Sorrow]!!! And I would actually OWE Lightning some CREDIT OF SOME SORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR KIRK FUCKING FONTENOT IT HAS TO BE A CLUSTERFUCK ASS BOTCH FUCK UP AND CATACLYSMIC EVENT OF "FUCK ME BLOODY, RAW AND CHAPPED" PROPORTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Years earlier, I started saying to myself that Lightning and I had an "anti-chemistry", I mean every fucking thing there was to SAY or THINK, we managed to get in some sort of BEEF!!! And it just transferred with [Suzy Sorrow]!!!! It was like NOTHING that he could DO or BREATHE or THINK that had anything to do with me could be anything BUT PURE DISMAL DEFEAT AND EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like that fucking book "The six degrees of Kevin Bacon" - the six degrees of Lightning interacting with me, has SIX LEVELS of ripples that all end in clusterfucks and horrific nightmares!!!

Octo and I are no longer friends! Then 3rd nerd and Lightning didn't even respond with any comment or emotion or SHIT!!! Normal people would have seen that and REACTED!! But it was probably that nerd rage was too close to home and it overwhelmed them...

[1995 spat] the morning after called him and said we have no friendship, grown apart is that evolution or degeneration, offered NO explanation, "I'm just concerned for you", said he didn't want to discuss it because he'd "just start yelling again", and 4 months when he called offered NO explanation or anywhere NEAR an apology

Lightning got on this kick about me having "warped logic" and being "oblivious", which he repeated like a stabbing weapon from time to time. For Octo it was "born loser" then it graduated to "crazy" and REALLY stuck as "crazy" when he saw I got diagnosed with bipolar. They pull something out of their ass and they just use it and stick with it and make it more and more pronounce like folklore grows into a large religion.

Lightning 44 or 45 is HBO or Cinemax? I'm oblivious? No one in class could say the color of the lunch room walls! WHATEVER KIRK! If it is so trivial, then why did you make sure a big deal out of it?? He switched gears, which is the trait of someone who can't deal with reality! They have to just erase in their head, what happened five seconds ago!! Those personality "sniper" dysfunctions that we learned at that Sonic seminar! Lightning was ALL of them! He sniped me about the Sprite drinks! "Like a normal human being!"

1995?? This seems weird to me because I remember it for some reason being AFTER [potstop] told me the same lame line but I guess my memory is not accurate???

Anyway, when Chris Bullen was living with his live-in girlfriend [TM] she read my letter that was a response to the flack I got in SPRING 1995 that I submitted in FALL 1995 and she said that the only thing she got from my letter was that I was angry! BULLSHIT PSYCHOBABBLE LAZY LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The reality is that I bring up crap they can't deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring 1995 GPA 2.92

Fall 1995 GPA 2.0

1996

95 96? or after in Cherry Street. Looks up sexuality in dictionary and was GLAZED FUCKED about how he was telling me that something was wrong with me because I wanted to date! And if a right-winged entity says that two homosexuals can't DATE, they would call that government in the BEDROOM, so it is fine to mix dating with the full range definition of sex. But not for me because I am a threat to their universe! And these two fuckers [Octo and Lightning] are MARRIED so they are full of shit!!!!

Also, I later noticed that Lightning's CD collection of something like over 60 discs were alphabetized, and his coins for loose change were neatly stacked, and that is HIM!!! He has extreme focus on small immediate shit and completely ignores anything of any morally significant value! One time he spent way too much time on organizing the plastic glasses we had and just ORGASMED over it and reveled like he accomplished something meaningful! It was sad...

And I am the exact opposite of that - small immediate shit means nothing to me, and I want to kick ass and rock the world! Fuck me!

95, 96 or 97? Chris Bullen tried to tell me the same shit (saying that you are not the only guy that doesn't date a lot!) and I told him the same answer! That's reason for me to be ANGRIER!!! Because now I have ALL THOSE GUYS PLUS myself to be angry over!!!! Read the fucking writing on the wall!!!!!!!!!! The dating battlefield is RULED by rapists and womanizers!!!!!!!!! ASS NEEDS TO BE KICKED!!!!!!!!!!! And never mind that HE was getting a steady supply of poon tang!!!! Like if he had to listen to that bullshit from MY end, it would be a different story!!!

My case was always that since there are 20 million good guys that go through what I do and don't react like me (just take it in the ass) that I have to be 20 million times as angry to balance that out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

96? Chris said I am a nurturer and I completely ignore any and all things that are going to hurt me or cause me any pain, it means NOTHING TO ME. I focus on the mission, and that's how I got fucked. That's the greatest gift I ever got! He made the [Suzy Sorrow] nightmare clusterfuck make more sense to me than it ever had! It reminds me in the beginning of "It's a wonderful life" when a guy praying for George Bailey says to God, [exact quote from the DVD] "He never thinks about himself, God; that's why he's in trouble!"

96 or 97? Chris [after telling me "people are just... dating!] FINALLY said there is something wrong with the structure of dating today!!! He had noticed a woman at his complex a few times [maybe spoke a few times] and approached her and got her number. He called her and she answered saying that she was on the other line and would call him right back! So Chris lays back in his sofa, relaxes in the sun from the window, casually turns to look outside and sees that she just walked out of her apartment and got in her car and took off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I said: you've been getting a steady supply of poon tang for over a year, you don't know what is going on!!!

96? Lightning at Cherry Street: I'm the body of the airplane, not extreme, moderate BULLSHIT

Late 1996? Good news; I got some good news!!! I saw that flier on his table and thought it was some IHI network marketing Amway sales bullshit!! He looks at her then looks at me: [delchamps] and I (pauses)... are going to have a baby! SUPER DENIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was fucking WIRED and buzzing on this hardcore euphoric BLISS!!! It filled the room and packed it in like sardines!!! The walls were cracking from the pressure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT DOESN'T FUCKING FIX ANYTHING TO SAY THERE ARE STARVING KIDS IN AFRICA AND KIDS WITH CANCER AND BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is EVIL to say that!!! It is NOT holy to say that because it is used to justify apathy and complacency!!!! In other words, DON'T lift a finger to help the world or improve anything, because it is saying that you are not thankful to God for what you have!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! It's an excuse to put your finger in your ass!!!!!

96? 97? Chris Bullen cited that his dickhead cheap dad would give him as a second grade kid a grocery basket to get the special, and I called his dad a cheap bastard, Chris said, NO NO he tore up his carport with a sledge hammer all by himself...

WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????????

A BULLSHIT TANGENT of a victim defending his attacker.

Then when Octo's dad had an abusive father, Octo's dad as a child saw his abusive father put the hinges backwards on a barn door but KNEW if he said JACK SHIT, he'd get an ASS BEATING, so he shut up, and when his dad saw that he put the hinges on wrong, he FUSSED Octo's dad WHY DID YOU LET ME PUT THAT ON WRONG????????? and proceeded to whip the LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIM. So when Octo said that was assholish, Octo's dad said, "Yeah, but I never went to jail!!!!!!!!!!!"

WHAT THE FUCK????????????????????????????

Like all of the irate abuse was completely justified because he wasn't a generic criminal!!

When Octo was a kid, he had a grandmother that asked him and his cousin if they wanted to go play outside. He told me that at that time it was FUCKING BLAZING HOT outside and he told his grandmother that they were fine just playing a board game inside, so she later on asked AGAIN and he said the same thing. Maybe she asked a third time or maybe more... So his MOM comes to pick him up and the grandmother goes on a tirade about how the kids are so sassy and sassy and the fucking kids are so sassy!!!! So Octo's mom FLIPS and puts him on his knees when they get FUCKING home! So she asks "are you sorry" and he tried to explain to her but she just kept him on his knees, his fucking dad comes home and sees him on his FUCKING knees and doesn't say SHIT or react in any way, so time passes and his mom asks AGAIN "are you sorry" so he figured out eventually that if he LIES that he did something wrong and CONFESSES to something he DIDN'T FUCKING DO, then he will be let go!!! So he says "yes Mom! I'm sorry" so she said to get off his knees and go to his room. CAJUNOMICS!!!!!!!!!!!!! And this was the same grandmother that said within the last year of her life that she was scared of black people! GO FUCKING FIGURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Close minded barnyard white bred violent irate illogical psychologically warped 1920's values AT THEIR BEST!!!!! And we conservatives wander why in the fuck liberals hate ANYTHING that has to do with the FUCKING PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, RAW AND CHAPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

College student [15 yellow] I was tired of being a goodie two shoes

was ashamed to say virgin until she said it over the phone

ALL OF HER FRIENDS HAD SEX BUT TOLD HER TO WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They obviously had no effect!!!

She saw in retrospect in his emails how they were SO GENERIC and bullshit!!!!!!!! So like with [1776], they are CLUELESS and WEAK, so they have to HAVE pre-marital sex with a LOSER PIECE OF SHIT, then they realize that he was a loser piece of shit, and that they shouldn't have had pre-marital sex!!! AMAZING!!!! ELDA Catholic who doesn't regret his pre-marital boinking! "I learned from that!" and I don't regret my children... WTF??????

wanted to run over those people on the road by st pius church

if i was good enough for her to say it was her loss, then why wasn't I good enough to date? that dickhead stripping in his frat

FALL 1996 asshole in MATH 110 Trigonometry class. I SNAPPED from ZERO to "violent attack mode" in like three fucking seconds!!!! This didn't sink in at the time, but weeks and weeks after I later concluded this. That guy was BIGGER than me and he backed down!!!! Winn Dixie cackled and busted out laughing at me, and told me, Kirk, you don't understand, when you get like that, you have PSYCHO flashing on your forehead!!!!!!!!!!! That guy took one look at you and he KNEW he was gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!

[mcdonalds] said he was convinced it was a direct result from the clusterfuck with [NCWS]. He's not stupid!!!!!

And then my pussy friends made excuses for that asshole! maybe he was having a bad day, maybe I over reacted, he didn't mean it, all this BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! Then [blondie] gets pissed at me walking down the sidewalk, WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN??? So she can get angry with me but I can't get angry with that violent asshole, then she fucking says what if he would have had some friends with him to beat you up, so it's fucking like NEVER stand for yourself, cuz nothing means nothing and serve the Nazi Germany because somebody might beat you up if you hold your FUCKING ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris Bullen read my letter and sneered when he read the end "I'll file the nastiest lawsuit any university has ever seen" - that was a bullshit emotionally distanced in-denial reaction, he couldn't address that a serious issue was at hand and had to cite ME as being the one with the problem to make it disappear, to BURY it.

same year earlier, I told [his step sister] in front of her friend that her friend was cute and when I came back in the house Chris looked at me like I just raped them, and then we got in a fucking bullshit argument about proper things to say and shit for a fucking while that dragged on... And this was coming from a guy who fucked a LOT of girls.

1996? college republicans ELDA and GUYB heard me say that woman was beautiful and they were acting like we were all nine years old and our moms were about to walk in our bedrooms to see us looking at a playboy and they were trying to hide it!! They were like SSSHHH, be quite! So I just walked up to her and told her I was telling my friends that she was beautiful so we talked for a few words and I think it died... but my fucking point is that these two guys have been knee deep in pussy for most of the preceding DECADE and that was COOL, but when a hardcore virgin says a woman is beautiful, then it becomes a horrific child rape porno scam involving sheep and victim sacrifice on a Satanic altar!!!! FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1996 near or at the summer

[at my kitchen in cherry street the first time i had met him] Potstop told me that:

The only thing I got from your letters was that you were angry, THEN he spends like a fucking hour with me addressing specifics that I said in my letter - wait a minute, you just said all you got from it was anger????? Then he said that he thinks the only reason why my letters were printed were just for "a good laugh". HUH???????????????

They LIE with that bullshit because it SOUNDS deep and wise - like they are the ones who are logical and rational and I am not in control of my emotions but the OPPOSITE is true!!!

What they are really saying is, "Kirk, you're bringing up something with me that I am too much of a pussy to deal with - so I have to come up with bullshit that sounds wise and is damaging to you, so I can come out on top to LOOK cool!! FUCK reality - I don't care. I'll burn in Hell for eternity with flame gnawing at my soul in unending anguish and agony - but at least I won't have to THINK or WANT!!! Because THAT would be REAL Hell and eternal condemnation to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

you don't think you're changing any people are you? As if you have to change someone in 2 seconds!

1996? Chris Bullen honorary hardcore nerd!!! One of the biggest violations for...

[exact quote]

"a hardcore nerd... is walking away from a FIGHT!"

Fuck yeah, my homey!!!! That night on the way to Albertsons I dubbed him HONORARY HARDCORE NERD!!!!!!!!!!!! Dickheads douche bags Octo and Lightning NEVER remotely said shit like that, as to depict me so valiantly!!!! Quite the opposite!!!!

So on the way in his car we drove to Albertsons and and I said that since he 100% grasped a element of Kirk Fontenot so well that he was able to rephrase it in HIS OWN WORDS and keep the potency, that...

"I, Kirk Fontenot, hereby dub thee, Chris Bullen: HONORARY HARDCORE NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I slammed my hand on his shoulder and we growled in victory!!!!!!! THAT WAS A KICK ASS MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1996? 97? Chris Bullen once told me while I was bitching that the dating moral reference frame of this nation is so fucked, he told me that he saw a piece on TV about dating the the 90s. And he was so fucking casual and laxed and innocent and BULLSHIT, and just says to me, "Kirk, people are just... dating." Like there was no moral war and no problems today! I forgot HOW I responded to that shit but I knew I went berserk!

Well first, most of the victims like me suffer in silence from being overwhelmed and from shame and other factors. Also, the others who suffer eventually manage to get SOME dates or SOME sex and get married, so they shut up. And there you go! It is the equivalent of having 10 women that are raped, while 7 of them just keep their mouths shut because of the pain and the shame, 2 of the remaining 3 make a little noise but one way or the other managed to get conditioned to quit, so the remaining 1 is loud and vocal, and sees that she has to speak for the other 9 (that quit) so that just ADDS to her anger, and when the guys see this, they just RAPE HER AGAIN, and she STILL won't shut up so they make her watch while they torture and kill her parents and GANG RAPE her 8 year old sister and say they'll just keep raping her and her sister every FUCKING 6 hours for the rest of their lives until they SHUT THE FUCK UP! So she FINALLY breaks! Problem SOLVED; there is NO SUCH THING AS RAPE; rape never happens; because look at all these women who are silent! They must be silent because they were never raped! If they WERE raped, they would yell and scream and go to the police and go to the public! So that must mean that all rape is a lie! RAPE NEVER HAPPENS! Problem SOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring 1996 GPA 1.5

Summer 1996 GPA 3.0

Fall 1996 GPA 1.66

1997

1997???????? [voyager borg the cooperative] Lightning barks at me for taping it not to watch it during Lent!!!!!!!!! He said the Catholic Church was heretical!! but CARES about doctrine??????????? And that is my life!!!!!!!!!! Wait just a little bit translates to NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is WHY I fucking taped the episode!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris and 3rd nerd got in an argument with me about [Heath bar], and I spent HOURS going in circles that hanging out is NOT a given DATE!!!!! 3rd nerd recalls the event and remembers it BACKWARDS saying that I was claiming that it was a date and that they were trying to talk me down about how it was just hanging out and I was taking liberty with it and being too presumptuous!!! [which is by FAR the WORST instance of 3rd nerd that I ever got about remembering something 180 degrees of how it really was - which was odd for him...] WARPED NERD DENIAL BULLSHIT can't deal with reality???????????????????? Now what really SQUANKS my SHIT POUCH is that I am supposed to be the guy in the nerd sub-culture that lives in extreme denial and that I compensate against my shitty life by living in complete denial and BULLSHITTING myself into INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT NO! I did the OPPOSITE with my two douche bag friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and THEY were the fucks who were being over-presumptuous!!!!

So at some point deep in the argument, Chris gets fed up with me and says, "you WANT to be alone!", like what the fuck???? because I wasn't counting a female friend hanging out with me as a DATE, that I was sabotaging myself or not confident or some BULLSHIT????????????

Like I told my Christian friend (in 2009?) God built us in His image; and we RETURNED the favor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your god is "I refuse to do anything against any evil in this world"

He gave me some credit and said "Kirk, you're not going to have followers; you're going to have disciples!"

1997??? Another awesome clusterfuck! [007] and [heath] both told me in separate conversations that the reason why I get ill received by women is because I am so genuine that they see this and don't know what to make of it!! So it freaks them out so badly that they go to some other guy who bullshits with assholishness and fake pretenses and date or fuck THAT guy!!! Well of course!!! That makes so much sense! I mean, THAT is what Kirk Fontenot has been doing wrong! I need to be a jaw breaking rapist asshole!!!! THAT will fix me!!!

1997?? [delchamps] and [007] said that they dated Chris and knew that he was a wolf because they were at a scarred point in their life and didn't want to get into anything emotional, so they deliberately dated a guy that they "didn't take seriously" as to guarantee that nothing emotional would develop!!! Well PERFECT!!! These lost women are feeding these guys egos!!!!! Fruit ripe for the picking!!!! And the pop-culture immorality clusterfuck continues!!!!

1997 I had a fucking date with [Triomph]'s sister and I was cleaning my room and Lightning asked the occasion and I wanted to make it presentable for [Triomph]'s sister and Lightning has this shit eating exploding smile on his face and says "Oh! Hormones!" I'm like WHAT THE FUCK???????????? And today he is married and I am not! Fuck me running!!!

Man it was horrible!! That week when [Triomph] got back to me and said they'd make it a double date, I was not thinking about naming our children and shit like that but I thought that if she might have had morals like her sister that it would have been real nice and a breath of fresh air. I imagined that if it REALLY went well, she'd stay behind after the date when my friend and his wife [Triomph] left and we'd just talk and talk for a good while. My wildest expectations involved no kiss, no cuddling, NOTHING. Innocent and cool... and yet that was too fucking pussy fucking much to ask for!!!!

We met, and she did not FUCKING LOOK AT ME THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!!!!! I either was butt FUGLY to her or carried myself in some fucked up way or gave her some weird vibes or some shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She dragged and rushed so she could beat me to the door so she wouldn't go through the awkward situation of me opening the door for her!!!! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ, when you have been shit on by so many women, you can snipe it from a zillion miles away!!!!!

So I had asked the husband about a second date and he was like, uh... Kirk... that's dead, or something. And then [triomph] said that her sister was quiet and she was never like that, like it was a GOOD sign, like she was nervous or something, and I felt that I was flattered, but REALLY when the husband said it was DEAD, it was OBVIOUS that she was just DISGUSTED by me and couldn't wait for the PUSSY-FUCKING date to be OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My FUCKING FUCK COCK STROKING PUSSY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1997 Cindy Crawford talking about sex with kids [think it was called "Sex with Cindy Crawford" - gee, not provocative, huh?] - Lightning says I didn't say watch it and give your own opinion. I corrected him and told him that he is not going to order me not to respond to something and has this SHIT EATING GRIN DAZED GLAZED BLANK LOOK AND just reiterates he was telling me about the special.

1997 the cpu chip for the 486, tells me to ask the voltage, I say OK, then yells at me to do it!!!

95? 96? 97? Kirk, this is a direct order, [3rd nerd] shut up

97? Like when [offshore] saw Potstop, Lightning and 3rd nerd responding to me in this WEIRD ASS nonsense tangent when we were talking about fiascoes and I made the comment that the infocom game BUREAUCRACY had the cover picture of a bank teller window "Please use next window", which was the beginning to a mess that was the whole point of the game. So my three WHITE NERD friends all in cohesion, were saying some REAL fucking non-sequitur bullshit like "there goes Kirk again" or some bullshit that didn't even make sense, except that it was clear they were telling me that I was weird. I went outside with offshore and [offshore] told me that "You know what that is, Kirk?? They're JEALOUS!!" He sniped their pussy asses from a mile away in ten seconds!!!! I have a fire that they don't have and they hate me for it.

[mid 1990s] Winn Dixie - exclaimed in shock when I said "sexually desirable" to [Suzy Sorrow] but he fucked when he was 13, dated a girl just to fuck her, fucked like 20 girls, spent senior year trying to get me to go to Florida to get laid because (as he put it) what if I got hit by a truck tomorrow? I would die a virgin! OH NO WE CAN'T HAVE THAT!!!

1991? He said with big eyes staring right into me WHEN IT'S IN YOUR FACE; YOU GET IT!!!!!!!! But yet this guy reacted to my [Suzy Sorrow] comment like I raped Mother Teresa and shoved a dead kitten in her ass!

97? 98? Lego - [blondie quoting him] why did that person calm down so much? they finally got laid!!!! I've seen it happen over and over again!!!!!!!!! HE' SO FUCKING WISE LIKE A FUCKING KUNG FU MASTER ON SOME HIGH MOUNTAIN WHO HAS ATTAINED THIS ONENESS WITH THE UNIVERSE - floating three feet in the air, talking to an apparition of his dead ancestors, like Luke Skywalker to Obi Wan Kenobe, or some "oneness with the universe" FUCK-SHIT, BULLSHIT, FUCK-WITTED BABBLE BULLLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lego - the catholic church said I committed a sin because I took a piece of bread. what the fuck?????????? pre suppose yourself??????????????

Lego - [as said by the "reality check" wiccans on AOC (public access TV)] we can argue whether we are catholic or protestant but we can't argue over whether we are HUMAN, so that is the real focus and reality?????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? the obvious and superficial are the most relevant?????????????????? You have to see it and touch it or it doesn't exist????????????????????

3rd nerd and Lego - each had a GRANDMA that found out they pissed their cherry away from pre-marital FUCKING and said --- "WELL THANK GOD!!!! MY GRANDSON IS NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!" WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK?????????????????????? DOESN'T PROVE SHIT, HOMOSEXUALS SOMETIMES FUCK EVERYTHING IN A SKIRT IN A 5000 mile radius and then they come out the closet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't prove FUCK SHIT WORTH JACK SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's a backward urban legend, and you don't cheer a guy on for losing his cherry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1997? Lego was on our couch at Cherry Street. His eyes were wide open and talking drawn out like molasses - we don't say what goes through your MIND when you have sex! BULLSHIT!

Lego - virginity - [exact quote] "its nice but its not the END ALL BE ALL!" WTF????? Let me translate that to actual ENGLISH!!!!!! That was his bullshit way of saying that somehow since he flopped into being a virgin for as long as he did, he didn't have the slimy moral conviction to say he should have been fucking since he was 12, so he half-ass spliced his limited virginity up to that point with his BOINKING after that point and came up with a bullshit statement that kind of half ass said that was the model to go by. Which was, keep your cherry for a while and have this pseudo morality because of some amoral street smarts, but when you really feel the pinch to get laid and you come to just put all of your life tensions into blaming your virginity for all of your woes, pull a Nike and JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 1997 (Brice made my commodore 64 conversion cable!) Lego invited me with 3rd nerd and Lightning to go eat, which shocked the fuck out of me because I always got bad vibes from him, and [jeep] told me that multiple times at the Catholic student center, he would RANT to 3rd nerd: "I hate your roommate!" (ME!!!! unless he was talking about Lightning or Pizza?? Which I seriously fucking doubt!!!) And I guess it was because of my pro-virginity letters to the Vermilion because otherwise he and I HAD NO FUCKING CONTACT!!!!

Lego at Deano's pizza - He cited a guy that was a hardcore pre-marital virgin but when the POOTIE was in his face, HE TOOK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he turns to me and sneers, "Yeah, Kirk; and you're time's coming too!!!"

I'll rot in HELL before I change my sexual values!!!!!!!!!

There's hell on earth too!

Lightning did like that was some hardcore put down or come back!!!!!! HUH????

Oh yeah!! And by the way, like theyoungturks.com on YOUTUBE, their piece they did on teen sex and abstinence programs said that you have no consequences whatsoever from sex after 14 for boys and 15 for girls! BULLSHIT!! And they went on this rant about after sex "I feel great!" like it was this beautiful, pure and holy shit where you can just fuck and fuck and fuck until your heart's content and there is nothing to worry about! Well then WHY do all of these FUCKS like Lego, Octo and Lightning, AFTER they have fucked, explode in my fucking face with so much anger? I mean FUCK, pussy is such a sedative, so there should be no anger at all, right???? I see trouble in paradise!!!!! HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!

I waaaaaaaaaaay later (after he moved to Texas or something) wanted to tell him, Lego, you are still the same warped person you were BEFORE! It's just that you now have a popped cherry! You're not converted or liberated!!!! NOTHING has changed!!!

You never converted! You're still just... YOU!!!

1997? [007] - haven't you ever just thought of life without a girlfriend? Well that's what I've been LIVING!!! WTF???? It is a guarantee that there is NINETY PERCENT of reality that you are never going to have to deal with whenever you are the one born with the vagina!!!!!!! And I am not talking about being alone for a WEEKEND - I mean the REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1998? Lightning, I told him if he was at peace with these issues, like he solidly claims to be, I wouldn't be able to provoke him so easily when I am not even trying!! Completely didn't respond!! Maybe went on a bullshit tangent???

1997? Lightning and I finally had it out because of [DAY] You resent me because I don't have your apathetic views!!! Well I'm surprised you'd call me apathetic! Didn't catch himself to LIE to say that he DIDN'T resent me!! Pathetic!! I explained to him that in less than 10 minutes he gets calm [pseudo] to psycho; his face gets red, he cranks out his head and stretches his neck and gets more biting in his tone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

97? DAY and my dad both asked me in anger "What'cha gonna do?" SAME BULLSHIT from supposedly "opposite" races!!!!!!!!!

1997? [blondie] says he always has to top you! Tells 3rd nerd (who has muscular dystrophy) "You'll never know what it's like being handicapped!" He called Pizza a handicap wanna be! Go figure!!

1997? [blondie] maybe you just weren't meant to find some one! Well FUCK, she's married! I later SCOLDED her for not being able to say "yeah Kirk, that is wrong!" She would rather be gang raped by 100 guys with rusty razor blades on their dicks than spend one FUCKING second acknowledging that there is anything in this world that deserves some attention like that! She THEN told me, like - well Kirk, you just seemed so unhappy; I was trying to give you an explanation or something. Wait! So if I get shoved down my throat that I am going to be alone forever then that will make me HAPPY?????????

[blondie] also said in response to my anger that something like she had anger at a point in her life and "liked having a dark side". What in the fuck does that mean? I HATE this shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have to follow this out because I am pursuing these important social issues!!!

1997? DAY borrows Lightnings bike and later we have to chase [WNT] to get his bike and Lightning says "Something radical's got to be done" in a disgusted fluster!!!! OH!!! NOW he sounds like Kirk Fontenot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then, of course, after solidly concluding this in solid emotion and conviction... he just fucking forgets about it ten seconds later and is back to his "Well, you can't save the world" rhetoric and lifestyle!!!!!!!!!!!

[honduras] when I said "my car runs now", having a clusterfuck with a woman I fell in love with, end up with her not wanting a first date or to touch me with a ten foot poll, is a STEP UP FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like Chris told me, Kirk you're the only guy I know that gets happy when he's stood up!!!!

and what was weird was that she told me - Kirk, if I am wrong, then it is MY loss! So I told her NO, it is MINE. Then she FIRMLY said back to me - NO! It is MINE!!!!!!

Now if I am so good for her to say that, then WHY was I not worth some sort of a first date?????????? Screwed up woman's logic!!!!!!!!!

1997 Chris had said when it went south with [007] that it didn't make sense to him. He said that he was a wolf who will take you in that bedroom against that wall!! So women are turned off by him! "EW EW EW EW EW!!! And then YOU come along! Mister Knight in Shining Armor..." and they are so turned off by you! "I don't know what women want!"

1997? [heath] said that this man-slut loser asked a girl to have sex with him and she started crying and said that she had been raped, so he sarcastically patted her on the head, and later told some people "I don't know why she's coming to me with her problems!" [heath] said he didn't care! And of course I am sure that this guy is alone today!!!!! [sarcasm]

And [heath] met this "cool" college teacher who was with her in some hotel room or shit and casually says I wander what sex with you would be like. She just smiled and downplayed it. And it was so cool and hip!!!!! Fuck me!!!! DOUCHE BAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1997?? [the night that the facial muscles guy in X-Files could make any face he wanted] There was a scene where the FAKE Mulder goes into the REAL Mulder's apartment after assuming his life and plays the message machine. A woman's cute voice plays and she says that she was worried because she hasn't heard from him in a while. The FAKE Mulder scurries for a pen and pad and begins to take her phone number down. She says... "...we've lowered our rates..." and the fake guy just looks to the side and SUPER negligently throws his pen and pad up in the air and I FUCKING LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was KILLING MYSELF laughing and I just cavorted and spasmed in the plush chair that I was sitting in and Lightning starts snapping at me. KIRK KIRK KIRK, and gets louder as I did not stop. So I chuckle to myself and calm down from my "humor orgasm" and I snapped at him "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, Lightning?????" and he DOES NOTHING!!

I AM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK????????????????????????

I displayed EMOTION and he was offended like I had told a racist joke or RAPED his grandma???????????

It just fits the mold too much for me to NOT document this!!!!!!

Spring 1997 GPA 1.2

Summer 1997 GPA 1.42

Fall 1997 GPA 0.0

1998

quit school worked at dillards WANG

guy in dillards 1998, this is Kirk Fontenot, he sticks his neck out!

1998 dillards pre-debacle [coal]- Clinton impeachment , senator packwood, he'll chase you around the room, she said it was spreading rumors, woman sneered when I said when it was against a woman's will!! Then I found out SHE was raped in the past!! AMAZING!!!

1998 Dillards debacle, [coal] took prozac and drank, KIRK CALLED THE COPS ON ME!!!!

Octo EXPLODED in laughter and said...

"Kirk, you know what you are????? You're a RAPIST that doesn't get the PUSSY!"

Then I get a message from [duck] and said she was pissed at me - and to call at [coal]'s house. I called [duck], explained to her, called [coal] I said that never happened, she says her cliche "uuuuuuuuuuugh" and hangs up on me. Typical fucked up WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

98? 99? Lightning and Octo NEVER complimented me REMOTELY except for one time Octo was on his spiritual death bed and said in an email "boy kirk, you've got a lot of heart" [just before he 'broke' back to God], and at one time he ended an email to say good luck with all of my [exact quote] "endeavors", and that was it for the 35 YEARS that he knew me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only did they not say JACK SHIT good about me but they went so far as to TRASH the good shit about me; like I had complained before, they portrayed my strengths as weaknesses and made up flaws that I didn't even have!

1998 newsweek quote during the Monica Lewinsky scam: People don't like to talk about sex; they just like to do it!! So Lightning says "What's the matter, Kirk? Truth hurts??"

97? 98? Lightning on [DAY] - DAY had borrowed his bike and said he'd return it by midnight and I came in after a late night from work and it was 2:00 AM and Lightning explained to me that this happened and DAY has NOT returned the bike!! So he was "highly pissed". I was hunting for his ass in the hood at 2:00 AM, that was fucking amazing!!!!! - Lightning said some shit about there is a difference between "can't" and "won't" like [DAY] needed to get off his ass, and with today's "media blitz" [exact quote] no one has any excuse to not have extreme direction in life! [or to that effect]

Are you fucking kidding me?????????????

All the gangbanging and ghettos and shit like South Central Los Angeles are going to DISAPPEAR and turn into rich neighborhoods with golden mansions and rainbows in the sky with innocent bunny rabbits hopping down the candy lanes with flowing rivers of chocolate on the side like Willy Wonka, with Oompa Loompa making candy canes, while children play croquet on the manicured lawns of country clubs; and ALL we have to do is make all the people who live in the ghetto, just simply watch...

THE *MOTHA FUCKIN* DISCOVERY CHANNEL!!!!!

I mean FUCK I can see it now!!!!!!!!!!!! I could just picture Joe Blow Gangbanger who just found out his homey got smoked by a rival gang, and packs his Uzi or whatever the fuck, and has his gang rag on his face to go get some revenge, but at that exact moment, he turns to the TV blaring and sees a FUCKING documentary of CRICKETS' MATING HABITS AND HOW THEY ARE AFFECTED BY THE FUCKING WEATHER, he suddenly "sees the light" and turns into this motivated non-violent self-sufficient kick-ass nerdy academic MANIAC that leaves the ghetto for good and never looks back and everyone who stays and gang bangs is doing it because they had ample opportunity to be these Ivy League graduates but CHOSE not to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lightning's universe! Oversimplistic and the utmost refusal to acknowledge any complex psychological moral issues at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lightning in poor neighborhood looking for [WNT] - I mean they were rude. I'm like what the FUCK??????????????????? It COMPLETELY didn't register to him ALL THESE SUPER OBVIOUS ELEMENTS that indicated their TONE COVEYED TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1997? Dole Perot political suicide. TRYING to sound informed, versed and aware!

1997 98? Honduras - [I could have sat across that table from you and stared into your eyes the WHOLE night!!!!] Oh, Kirk, don't say that!!!! I want HIM to say that!! Octo said OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO testicles in the meat grinder!!!!! And his second fuck buddy had sneered "Feelings? WHAT feelings????????"

After he saw TITANIC ====Contact Jody Foster - aftermath of sex scene - he FREAKED and said like "I've just finished seeing FIVE HOURS of that BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and turned it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made me WAIT for that sex scene!! I'm want it NOW!!!! I was raised in the 80s and you jipped me!!!!! THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!

98? 99? he couldn't say anything involved when he "broke" back to God, shortly before he met his wife.

99? Octo couldn't cite anything specific or complex when saying she was the one-------------she's just a great person; she's better than me

Right there, I KNEW something was wrong. It was too easy; too quick and simple...

Lightning once told me that I needed to look more at the admin and networking side of computers and I told him I didn't care - I was software. So he said something like well, that is higher demand... Another FUCKING Octo!!! Go with the flow at all costs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring 1998 GPA 0.46

1999

WANG [AFI agent] Sonic

Sonic [black belt] tells me all serious and perturbed and shit that I gotta watch it when I tell [cutesy tan] that she is so pretty. He had a fiance', a girlfriend and a wife all at the same time, and had knocked up TWO women at the same time, and later was on the web page of a newspaper for raping an 8 year old girl!! And a guy at work quit because [black belt] and (I think some other guys) pulled his pants down in the cooler or freezer!!! Amazing!!!!

2000

moved back to VP January, got on at VP Sonic quit around May, studied for A+ for around four months, got A+ certified in JULY, got on at Gateway October, moved to Lake Charles

2001

Gateway [ANOTHER thing I couldn't do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!], moved back to ville platte and got at Gazette [got called in Mr David's office three times for being slow, and got written up], [Remington admin] called me for holding on to my resume for a YEAR, got on at Remington!

2001 almost went shoot up FUCKING sacred heart. Johnathan Castille debacle!!!

2001 [when I worked at the newspaper] woman: what do you do? NOTHING, he laughed like a cynical pussy who was bathing in someone else's pain and failure!!!

I dated a co-worker of his and she said that every time an issue that he can't deal with comes up he goes in the back to sleep or leaves to go eat. It nailed him!!

They say if I get teen sex to go to 2%, that is irrelevant?????????? And when I mentioned my media empire, he said what is the point if I "gain the world but lose my soul". WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?????????????

[2001] Gazette: James Stevens: We're number 1! Not 2, not 3, not 4! We're gonna kick that test out the door! Octo almost blew a gasket!!!!!

Fall 2001 GPA 1.85

2002

MAY 2002, bipolar diagnosed!!!

Each "victory" is a defeat!! Each semester it was like "YAY! I didn't blow my head off" while I flunked yet AGAIN! It was taking all of my strength to just stay alive while the weight of fucking up in school was getting more intense!! I knew that I couldn't continue at this pace...

2002 The woman at Counseling and Testing even said that; she saw my file and said I had been struggling with this a long time!!!! And since it was taking everything out of me just to not blow my head off, I wasn't getting anywhere in life.

2002 EAP counselor? she tried to calm me down and downplay me, yeah Kirk, look at what KIND of women the jerks get! So I said YEAH, ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was trying to use this BULLSHIT 1940s crap that maybe back then it was a little tolerable that the "bad boys" had a little advantage and it was almost cute!! But that tolerance has spiraled to a FUCKLOAD OF BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These fucking people don't see how bad it's gotten!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told her that there was nothing in her books of psychology that focuses on the nerd sub-culture, like I told [jeep], WE ARE NOT ON THE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring 2002 GPA 0.57

2003

Year where I first saw my psychiatrist

2003 albertson's psycho dad - it brought me a [Suzy Sorrow] flashback and Octo IGNORED THE WHOLE CHRIS STORY and just said you talk about her, you just let it get to you or some shit, I was like FUCK MAN WHEN THE SAME TYPE OF SHIT HAPPENS IT IS GOING TO BE A Vietnam FLASHBACK FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I said in his van that I'm to liberal for the conservative girls and too conservative for the liberal girls and he says like in 1993 (94?) "poor you". That means I brought up some shit that he can't deal with, and admits he is a pussy!

[2003??]

[stripper] BE the asshole Kirk!!

I said OH SO YOU WANT to be thrown across the room! She said [if a guy did that to her she'd beat the shit out of him]. I said WAIT!!!!! You just said BE THE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she comes out of Graham Central Station and gets like a dozen numbers and says [and I'm gonna play them like a fiddle!!!]

Kirk, are you telling me you would wait a YEAR to get in her drawers? ARROGANCE!!

I had Kirk figured out in [just a little while]. One fucking thing, and she is the queen mind reader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004

Lost Remington near May, burger king, LPCC, yet another personal ad at U.L.

2004? 2005? [I was 31] At bonsai he said something like Kirk was more affected by it BULLSHIT I fought against it, he was using a false premise that because he didn't address it and buried it that it went away instead of manifesting!!! HE HAD IT BACKWARDS!

2004? Octo just SNEERED like a boinker jock and said dating sites were for losers? where does he go? the bars? Does he remember how much he was BEEN BURNED by pop culture????? WARPED AMNESIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Late 2004 - 2005? Potstop said his coworker said she would NOT want her daughter to date me because I would be verbally abusive!!! FUCK ME IN THE NOSTRILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004 ad met that girl with her friends at CCs and said about no pre-marital sex, NO PROBLEM, and Octo sneered "HA!!! GEEK!" What? Mr. Catholic??

2004? 515 E University REJOICED when I was trashing Lego, and I said well then we're BOTH crazy!!! and he fucking CAME and ejaculated over the phone!!! His cum oozed out of my ear piece from my phone and splashed in my face!!!! THERE YOU GO!!!! YOU'RE BOTH CRAZY!!!! JUST LIKE YOU SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!

He LOVES to see the human spirit broken!!!!!!!!!! Just like Lightning, just like Lego, he NEEDS to prove that EVERYONE is as weak as he is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to make his ass feel better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I asked Octo if this is wrong and God doesn't want me to do it then WHY OH WHY OH WHY is this something that I can see so clear and I am so into???

He deeply inhaled like he was rolling his eyes over the phone and said "that could have been ANYTHING!" Like all this shit was a figment of my bipolar imagination and it was all a dream!!! He ignored that I have a KNACK for getting a point across, was articulate and passionate and WAS NOT BROKEN LIKE HIM!!!!! That's his God - if any sort of problem or unpleasant thing gets too big to deal with, just ignore it, and YELL at anyone who says different!! Then I emailed him and said that I can't help but think he overreached, so he emails me back. I think I offended you but you seem so "miserable". So what the fuck was he telling me? Give up my only dreams and I'll be happy??????????

2004? Octo itemize my bipolar, so he said--------------ease of distraction, extreme lack of concentration, I'll get on a tangent about a kitten a few blocks away when I am talking about the TV being broken, Getting "affected" by [Suzy Sorrow] , and of course getting far too obsessive and riled up over... nothing... well not nothing but nothing that can ever have any relevance (or some shit like that)

2004? mello joy - Octo said, you're on the battle field, your worried about your next meal, before you were [gestures with a glazed look picking his head up and raising his hands and looks up] So being let go from Remington where I had a professional white collar job wearing a tie was GOOD and grease slopping in a fast food grease house was an IMPROVEMENT? - says game master is weird too and makes this stupid head bobbing gesture and explains NOTHING - this gets back to that weird shit that you have to read their minds or pick up on a vibe or some mind-reading TELEPATHIC bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004?? Octo - dubya has got the war on terror and you want him to worry about Brittney spears???????? I heard that same BULLSHIT for Reagan!! Did you just sarcastically word, being on our moral DEATH BED as sneering the name "Brittney Spears"??

2004? catholic church - what more do you want them to do????????????

MY Fall 2004 PERSONAL AD: (clusterfuck...)

Attention all single ladies: single man looking for pro life Christian woman. I don't play games, and want a woman that is against this slut whore pop culture as much as I am. I'm tired of going out and seeing half dressed cuties that want to be degraded and want ***hole boyfriends. I'm a nice guy but also have a hardcore streak in me so I am not boring or a wimp. I'm going to stay a virgin until I get married. You could have had sex before, but I want you to be against pre marital sex. If you say that there are no good guys left, it is because the nice ones aren't good at marketing themselves like the jerks do. I know how to treat you, but don't know how to get you. If you think that something has to be wrong with me in order to resort to personal ads, give me a call and judge for yourself. Kirk Fontenot ZZZ-ZZZZ

[the z's are my old phone number blocked out]

ZERO kudos!! Over 50 hate calls; 12 serious (9 rejected me for age) - met 2 and met a third that called as a friend...

[wing commander 4]: The more of an issue you make out of your virginity, the fewer calls you are going to get, because most women your age aren't virgins!!!!!!! I told him he was out of his mind!! Just because a woman has had pre-marital sex, doesn't mean she thinks virginity is evil and has no regrets! A guy with an iron cherry is a GOOD thing!!!!!

"sex is sex!!" HUH????????????????????

He said I am aiming for .0000000000000001% of women because I am conservative and vocal - DUH - that is GOOD not bad!! And had this bullshit that said she didn't want her name in the paper like I was going to post her name and pic after we dated!!! HUH??????

He said that leaving my last name was too personal or intimate or forward or some shit!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck kind of Nazi tight rope walking razor blade wavelength is this shit?????????????????????

He said I have been doing this for 10 years and I am going to be doing it in 20. AMAZING!!!

All my fucking life I slaved to be a guy WITH morals and WITH balls, yet [wing commander 4] just told me that put me in a 0.000000000000000001% minority! Un-fucking-believable!!!!!!!!!! Instead of women seeing me as a work of art, I am just a mutant freak!!!!!

It's like a woman being raped in a rape camp and the woman next to her getting raped as well tells her to stop kicking and screaming so she won't get the retaliation of bruises on her face!!! Take it in the ASS, like a slave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whore [pretending to be interested], in Fall 2004: You're gonna find that wife that nods her head to everything you say! Said she had an abortion when she was 14. Was laughing and tried to explain it by saying she gets nervous and it makes her laugh.

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I had NOTHING sexist in that ad! Quite the opposite! But she is so MOMMIE DEAREST psycho Vietnam flashback SKULL FUCKED that she criss-crossed something conservative with shit-faced sexism!!!! Like this bitch was some super minority among a nation of 99.999% right winged extremists and the slave wives were in super abundance!!! ARROGANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So blind that she couldn't see my cherry was a GOOD thing!!!! Instead of patting me on the back, she TRASHED ME and assaulted my rights as human being to be LEFT ALONE to get a date!!!!!!!

This bitch will see swimsuit calendars and Hooters restaurants and guys that are knuckle dragging sexual predators and not say JACK SHIT! But I advertise my virginity in the ad and she has to call me and (I guess in her head) get to the bottom of things like she was some fucking F.B.I. investigator or some shit!!!!! Oh no! We have resistance in sector 12! There is one last conservative Christian virgin!! He made some noise in a public medium! We must destroy him!!!!!!

Like when you defend pre-marital virginity and a liberal calls you a racist, like I got on my web page from that dickhead [subject line 'wow'] that said I wanted to keep this country "clean and white".

2004 personal ad - my roommate and a female caller agreed with her. They said that too many women on campus were too convinced that I was REALLY a slick womanizer and/or rapist PRETENDING to be a Christian virgin and that the risk was too great!! AMAZING!!! One faction at U.L. says I am a KOOK, and the other faction says I am too good to be true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bisbanos!!! That waitress saw us with the ad and said like, "Oh, you're talking about that crazy person's ad???"

THIS was an awesome one!! I even forgot the damned woman's name!! But she wasn't even a student!! She was a manager at the Pizza Hut I used to work at, and she had a friend that was a student that read my ad and that said she HAD to read my ad!! I asked her what she liked about it and she said "EVERYTHING"! So I thought this was a slam dunk for some initial compatibility or a first date! We talk and she says how she is so honest and doesn't play games and all this shit!! We talk a few more times and I get her number. We talk more and we agree to meet; I say I'll stop at her workplace sometime, a night when she said she was working. So cool! No big deal! Out in public, and all is cool. We meet. Honestly she didn't look bad, but there was the lack of a spark, and it was apparent later that she felt the lack as well. So we had some small talk and I went home. Later I gave her a follow up phone call, as best as I could remember. I never heard from her. So I called her one last time! I blatantly said that I don't know if I was supposed to call to show interest or not call to show that I am not smothering her, and the whole reason as to why I ran the ad in the first place was because I don't know and play all the unwritten mind games with 12,000,000 rules that change every weekend, so I didn't want her to get the wrong impression from something that I was supposed to inherently know or do, or something. So I asked her to give me a call and tell me if she didn't feel a spark or something, and of course if she wanted, we could just hang out as friends...

ZILCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No call or nothing EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

And the REAL BIG defeat to this is that is was a MORE HARDCORE failure than just a lack of a spark, because this was a woman that blatantly said she liked [exact quote] "everything" about my ad!!!! So even when I make a slam dunk impression, I still fail miserably, and the bitch sees me as not even worth the common courtesy to tell me she is not interested and to give me some dignity with some sort of official closure of at least a damned "Dear John" phone call... (after she swore to me up and down that she was above pettiness and shit)...

amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS BULLSHIT against my ad!! People say------------Kirk, women don't like to call because even though you put the ad out, they don't like to do what seems like will be making the first move!! WHAT?!?!?! All this "Sex and the City" crap and Girls Gone Wild DVDs blasted on TV late night, Underworld, Resident Evil, Xena:Warrior Princess, and when it comes to ME and a nice honest date, women all of a sudden become these hardcore dainty innocent 1920s damsels that are fragile, virginal, innocent and delicate and have no initiative or passion?? FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is yet another complaint that a lot of angry and insensitive males make against feminism or women in general: They play both sides! They are the EQUAL to a man, or BETTER than a man, yet they are also the weak victim, and the entitled one because they have a vagina!!! WHICH ONE IS IT????????????????????

And this crap about, Kirk, women don't want to meet a man that way!!! WHOA!!!!!!!! It is EVIL to meet a guy through a personal ad, but they want to meet a guy that they met through a mutual friend that BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF THEM???????????? The method of how they met takes PRECEDENT over the man himself???????????????

You FUCKING women are NOT in the position to be so arbitrarily discriminating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah and the [gump] girl!!! There were two with the same name, and that both died out, or so I thought! My roommate said that he talked to one of the girls [didn't know which one] and that she said she was "waiting on me" ??????? Now one of them seemed more dead than the other - like the split second she found out I was 31 at the time; the other seemed just as dead but some other crap happened [maybe the age as well] or some shit, but it was DEAD, so I called her back and explained maybe there was some miscommunication, and I had talked to Jason; call me if you wanna hang out. ZILCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [never heard from her!!!!!!!!!!!!] - GEEEEEEEEEEEEZ it is like that girl at the theater that knew my bro in law!!!! I put my number in the flowers - and I hear from my sister than she called him or something - and said it was nice or something - and I THINK he gave her my sister's number to call her to get MY number and SHE NEVER CALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck???????? This is not the first time something like this happened!!!!!!!!!! I get a nibble with a woman and it grows to this Loc Ness Monster phenomenon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has mythical contexts and conflicting data!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And of course NOTHING comes from it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The universe of Kirk Fontenot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[collar 10] said that when a woman left me a message and called me "pussy" that maybe the caller thought I was lying about being a virgin because I was a sexual predator and was calling me "pussy" for THAT reason!! GEEEEZ can she be any more in denial???

[oh yeah! and about my "provoking" my hate calls!!]

Now this is SHIT because only a FUCKING whacko liberal, that has been broken by pop culture, can think this way. I was told by people that because they found my language hateful that I brought it on myself and shit for my 50+ hate calls. HUH???????????? I guess when the NAACP has a black history month function, that any KKK member can call the administrative desk FIFTY times in six weeks, and say "All you fucking niggas go back to Africa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

See, the mess here is that SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE A SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I opened up my ad with WHOM I was addressing!!! So that disqualifies the haters, and the idea that I can't promote myself to a potential date in the fashion I deem fit, is Big Brother 1984 SEX-NAZISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then my roommate found out that I wanted to do a cable access show and she asked me to WAIT until she was no longer living with me because the amount and degree of the hate calls I got was an indication that we might be stalked or attacked at our house if I got on the show and bitched about morals going down the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ these SEX-NAZIS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!! Their behavior struck the FEAR of uncertainty, by not making DIRECT THREATS, but by demonstrating "Look how much we HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!", they caused my roommate to fear for her safety and of course for me to have to NOT use my first amendment rights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Virtual Nazism of the year 2005!!!! The spirit of Hitler lives on in the hearts of the liberal sluts and cowards of the Louisiana college campus of U.L. Lafayette!!!!!!!!!

2004? [collar 10] Well, Kirk, I'm single now and it doesn't bother me! Well fuck yeah - you don't go 3 years at a time without a FUCKING date! FUCK me, she had a fucking different boyfriend like every 9 months! You're a little cutesy hottie! You put on a short skirt, and go to a bar and fifteen fucking guys flirt with you in one night! It must be FUCKING nice!!!

2004? [chicken part] I meet her at the fast food place where she worked, SHE brings up with ME to talk or hang out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get HER number that SHE gives me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I call, she says she wants to get back to me - I call, her "boyfriend" answers and says not to call again!

bye!

bye...

And THEN Octo asks - how long was it since you got her number???????????????????? What is this RAPIST wavelength I have to be on?????????????????????????????? MAKE a decision FOR a woman??? Conclude she MEANS the exact opposite what she says??????????????

2005

quit burger king, fired LPCC, WAS SUICIDAL feb 11 2005, Orion, Remington AGAIN

Me digesting that a lot of my life was nothing but TEXTBOOK bipolar behavior settled in me that my life was like NEO in the MATRIX. Chapter one ends with so much hope from some extreme obstacles he conquered as a pioneer or "savior", but chapter two ends with him having found out that all of his super abilities were just part of an elaborate and complex flaw in a giant scheme that had him under control all along. It was all for NOTHING!!!!!!!!! That is exactly how I felt in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005 And why the fuck does a fucking catholic priest and a liberal (gee I feel sorry for them having all that sex!) SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME AND CITE SAINT TERESA????????????

BECAUSE THEY ARE THE FUCKING SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and this crap that a priest said that if the Catholic Church said "this" [his white robe] was black, then he'd believe it - and when [hip chic] had that guy that said if his red shirt was green to him, then it WAS because it was green to him!!!!

Both sides now have jurisdiction/power/angle/edge over reality itself???

2005 [after I almost killed myself for the zillionth time...] I told my dad that he said for 20 years "well it's nice to come home to the wife and kids" whenever he is pissed about work, which he always was. WELL FUCKING DAD I DON'T HAVE THAT SO WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BE ALIVE??????????????????????????????????????????? I TOLD him that, and he couldn't respond to me with JACK SHIT!!!!!

around 2005 We were at Cherry Street. He was on the couch. Like when I was fighting with game master he said this load of bullshit about something like respecting other's values or some shit, and I told him that was a perfect, airtight, and rock solid iron clad case to make...

EXCEPT whenever YOU'RE the one who's not getting laid!!!

game master at applebees argue about my ad

2005 when I almost blew my head off. I talk with Father Mark and when Saint Teresa came up, he says it's about doing the ordinary things extraordinarily well. HUH?????? I said I wanted to slap the Devil myself and he said that was pride. HUH?????????? I then said that the Pope needs to declare a state of moral emergency and he asked what that was going to accomplish, and that we have the catechism!! Yeah! A fucking book collecting dust on the shelves of Catholic schools while the Catholic girls fuck their boyfriends!!!

And then I KNOW Octo found out about it and I got no call from him or JACK SHIT, but I guess he was just tired of me, and simply concluded like "Kirk wants to blow his head off every other month, so I am not going to fucking bother with him any more", which is exactly what he did to me when our friendship ended in summer of 2009.

[The world's dumbest smart guy!]

2005 (released July 8th)- Fantastic Four (I saw it in the theater) - I felt like somebody kicked me in the nuts and spat in my face when the Human Torch said that Mr. Fantastic was "the world's dumbest smart guy". I mean that FUCKING sums up Kirk Fontenot in a fucking cock stroking nutshell! That is my universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring 2005 GPA (resigned)

2006

Layoff Remington,

in ville platte 2006?---2007? Octo, when the FIRST time I asked him is [wife] worth enough to him to have nightmares about for nine years????? if you couldn't function to get your college degree and worked shit jobs for the rest of your life and you were alone (cause no fucking woman wanted you) with a mental illness WOULD YOU KILL YOURSELF, WOULD YOU GO ON??????????????

He FUCKING ignored my question COMPLETELY and emailed me back, Kirk look at what you are doing to your family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANY FUCKING THING WORTH JACK SHIT???????????????????????? He ignored my question completely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I guess when women are raped, they need to NOT report it because making an issue of it would hurt the family and all that pain, so all FUCKING women who get raped should just BURY IT like a little whore who took it nice and good, and suffer in silence and America should NEVER address rape because it is too painful to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006? Remington student, I was telling him about the clusterfuck in the food court in the mall. He asked how did the perfume thing go and I said disaster, and he was COMPLETELY emotionless and MONOTONE (something like) "as usual" or some dismal crap like that. FINALLY Octo said "wow, [Suzy Sorrow] the second huh?"

Now it is funny because when I told my counselor about some disaster with a woman, she was very receptive and had a NORMAL emotional response with concern and asked "WHAT happened??", Like NORMAL FUNCTIONAL PEOPLE!!!!!!!! But with fucking Octo, he just BEATS ME AND DEGRADES ME and eggs on this dismal universe!!! It is so fucking arrogant!!!!!!!!!!!!

year?? 2001? 2005? [at university house on phone] Well Kirk, NORMAL people do THIS, and NORMAL people do that???? WHAT?!?!?! Be a mainstream fuckwit nazi conformist?????????? My DEAR FUCK he was marching in line like a NAZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006? Also, when [2003 girlfriends' cousin] offered ME to hang out and kept telling me that she was gonna be free soon and got an answer as HER BOYFRIEND and not to call back, I emailed him subject line ANOTHER PSYCHO FEMALE!!!!!!!!!! instead of taking my side, he just asks, how long was it since she gave you her number? Like he is on this wavelength about when a woman says blatantly to you that she is going to be free later after SHE INITITATES that you are supposed to figure out by reading her mind that after a while she is LYING and DID a 180 for no obvious reason, that you have to conclude FOR HER AND THINK FOR HER LIKE A RAPIST DOES, that she no longer wants you, thus solidifying that all women are cock tease irate whores who get off on dicking around with guys and playing power games. And I am the enemy for NOT thinking like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006? I love when some fucking cutesy piece of pussy says "I'm taking a break from dating now." Like the fucking guys are lined up to their door like a fucking 1990 soviet bread line like these women have the LAST pussy on the planet Earth!!!! FUCK it is incredible!!!! Like that "Crunch 'n' munch" commercial where the arm candy ditz says to her brunette roommate, "It's my third date this weekend!! You should be SO glad you're not a blonde!!!" The fucking self-absorbed arrogance!!!! [hungover cutie] says she is tired of dating because she gets asked "who is that on your caller ID?", like that was her fucking NORM!!!!!! Some possessive "outward stalking" douche bag!!!! And she couldn't even TELL, that was weird!!! This was just normal for her, so it must be normal for EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A super skinny hot cutie with a chaotic life!!! Modern Female America in a FUCKING nutshell!!! All they know how to do is LOOK GOOD and have a PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Neurotic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006? He said why don't you be a student at Remington? Completely ignored the fact that I am into SOFTWARE which is the other side of the computer aisle from hardware, like he was using CAJUNOMICS to just grab low and be complacent with bullshit, so I told him with the networking field that I would be miserable and he types back, "I can't imagine you being more miserable than you are now", so I am like WHAT THE FUCK? Because you have it in you that I am somehow fucking myself, which you NEVER explain, that by grabbing an arbitrary field to go in is going to make me HAPPIER?, and THEN I'll still be miserable, but just NOT AS MUCH, so the problem is solved????????????

See????? That is another bullshit technique of this super modern world amoral practicality. You very lightly imply BULLSHIT that you never quite elaborate on because the little hint that you are dropping is supposed to be enough for some weird reason and it's BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Octo at CCs, like after 2005, SNEERED in cool disgust about holding out for something you want "not much of a way to live", like FUCK you never have peace or any remote fulfillment?????????? You're not happy, you cocksucker; you're pacified!!

2006? Unchicha on conservativepulse.com. I post a very well articulated complaint that the denominator of interaction between the sexes has degenerated and that we are in a moral slump, and he says that he doesn't want to offend me, but says like "Can't you just GROW UP?", so I say "What the fuck does that mean?", and HE says like, "Quit whining like a woman and GET one!". So I fucking explain to him that is the PROBLEM in the first place! These fucking people are in such denial that they have to attack someone who tells it like it is... FUCK!!!

2006? Octo has said something in yahoo chat implying about me having "delusions of grandeur" and I told him that the objective was not to a damned sell-out. We just went in circles. Well of course! A pussy has to reverse reality to justify himself!!!!

2006 or 2007 going to bring rose to bonsai girl and my mom says - "you're sure you wanna do that???????????" FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MOM I want to stay alone for the rest of my fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My own FUCKING Mom is saying that to DATE a FUCKING woman is this thing that is ugly or taboo or some shit?????????????????????????????????? How about a "good luck"???? GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ fuck me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The definition of a fucking PARENT:

An individual who does not know what the FUCK is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007

sonic again!

2007? Octo emails me bible passage that says sin leads to death, yet he fucked 14 YEARS before that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUH?????????????????

Spring 2007 GPA (resigned)

2008

sonic still, Sept 24th? NOV 11th wal mart

2009

wal mart, then back to Sonic Sept 11th?

[Summer 2009 Octo] Our "friendship" for the last 4 or so years consisted of him coming up with degrading psycho analyzations of me, THEN degenerated into NO SUBSTANCE whatsoever!!!!!! Because if it were to have substance, then it would be about OUR FIGHTS and my nerd bipolar FUCK RAPE!!!! So that was out of the question! Then I realized what had happened!!! I was patronizing him and biting my tongue with him!! So either I was going to confront him, or I'd have to acknowledge that we had no kind of friendship AT ALL!!!! So I sent the email to him because I was tired of biting my tongue and that was the final blow to him!!

Is [his wife] worth lamenting for nine years in nightmares like it was for me with [Suzy Sorrow]?

[pillow] at Sonic - guys that do drugs and have no job. Something like, "I don't know why but that's hot! I wanna change them!"

Oh of course! THAT'S what I have been doing wrong!

[wifey poo] I made a SIMPLE point that rapists and wife beaters get more dates than I do, and she says like, "I feel sorry for you that you blame women for your own inadequacies" At first I let it rest, but then I made SURE to PM her and say I was simply telling it like it is.

2010

still at sonic...

[march 13th ? was my last day]

[1776] clusterfuck

JAN 2010 And the reason why I FINALLY FUCKING sat down and composed this statement is because of the woman [1776]. I had to thumb through hundreds of profiles to find her and must have spent over FOUR HOURS doing so because my limited radius is worn out!!! I've browsed every woman in that circle!! My point to all of this is that it is getting more and more ridiculous with what I have to invest, to generate more and more miserable results!!!!!!!!!!!! It's insane!!!!! And you see, with each defeat, it hurts one million times worse because I have this legacy; so each woman I meet has the OBLIGATION for me to say "If it works out with her, SHE'LL be the reason why I went through all this bullshit nerd sub-culture suffering and it will have been worth it!!!!" It's like stock that needs to increase exponentially in value to make the trouble starting the company, worth it in the FIRST place!!!!! As time has progressed, I am MORE distant from women than I was in FUCKING high school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They've gotten their little naive cherries POPPED (at THIS point usually 20 years ago), have kids, been divorced, have a career, are on their own feet, and all this shit; which means that my universe is even FURTHER from them than when I was 16!! On top of that, the sex thing has gotten out of control; instead of them thinking that my cherry is a good thing, I have slowly come to see that, to them, it is unattractive. So I am really fucked!! All the shit that I pride about myself and FOUGHT VERY HARD TO BE are all the things that women HATE! I've done the exact opposite extreme things of what I NEEDED to do to EVER get married!! No fucking woman on the planet can possibly be worth the NAZI FUCK ASS RAPE that I have gone through FOR THE SAKE OF WOMEN!!!!!! (The irony STILL gets me!!!!) Instead of getting hailed as a victor, I am seen as a freak!!! Like in the movie HOT ROD, the girl says that she joined the team because (she says to the guy) [you never sold out]. The split second I heard that in the fucking theater, I ALMOST FUCKING CRIED!!!! I am NEVER going to have a woman tell me that!!! Also, some behavor that women supposedly lean toward, is thinking many things at once and being more emotional. I do those things myself, so with the premise that opposites attract, it makes sense that women in general are attracted to the linear-minded bonehead males. My bipolar mania, made it even worse, during all of the years that I was not diagnosed and medicated. Starting from around 1993 (the Suzy Sorrow incident), I started taking long trips through other towns at night, in an attempt to clear my head. I would get a soft drink and sweets, so I was packing on the sugar and flab, which I still have to this day. I had been working out with free weights, a bit before I started college, and a bit into college, but I slacked off after a point. In my later years, (around 2012) I tried to teach myself ASP.NET MVC 2 and C#. I wasn't retaining jack shit. I would restart the book and still get nowhere. I did flash cards, and even made narrated desktop tutorials on coding, for each component in the chapter. I watched a few Scott Hansleman videos, but to no avail.

What woman would want to date an out of shape, bipolar, broke fuck like myself, who is on mental disability because he can't function at a job? This is yet another reason as to why I am fucked.

At this point in my life, I am completely tapped out!!!!! I'M DONE!!!! IT'S OVER!!!!! There's nothing left for me to dissect or analyze!!!! Me getting a wife CAN'T be done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the FUCKING Kobayashi Maru!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cussed out the dating site [http://www.plentyoffish.com] for deleting my threads and forwarding me to that SEXIST PRO-RAPE crap at http://www.doubleyourdating.com with David DeAngelo. That site promotes shit like how to pick up chicks in bars with arrogance and later FUCK them like a whore, and how to NOT spend money on them!!!!!! So then this last clusterfuck with [1776] happens and I go through the repeated cycle of telling my FUCKING parents that it BOMBED with yet another fucking woman!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom (seeing me on my way to work) doesn't blink and says like "well have a good trip". And at another time my fucking dad says like "Well Kirk, you don't sweep the garage or go out to walk around to get a little exercise??" And then they are going to FUCKING wander as to why I have this FUCKING anger to begin with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[9/7/2015] 2013 (met her online Jan 2nd 2013) D8H debacle.

[9/7/2015] Don't have the enormous amount of time to format the SAME information multiple ways (political audience vs computer audience vs business audience). I'm getting too OLD and 100% unfulfilled, to be falling back another 5 or 10 years, waiting for a reason to be alive. Social media has evolved!

***End of Timeline***

[And here we are! Back at the start! This life of mine up to this point. This bullshit is what made me think to make this statement back in 2002, but the clusterfuck with [1776] set me off to start on it again!!!! (and other events)

So...

I submit myself for questions and for you so-called community pillars to hopefully learn from me and implement some kind of something to address this rape culture, school shootings and schoolyard bullying Nazism, as well as this slut whore pop culture...

Another point: I wanted to have (like I said already) this thing go to "phase II" so I could have the satisfaction of talking to the community pillars to their face instead of some manifesto before I shoot up some place. This might be the best of both worlds - no killing of innocent people in public AND I get to voice more rage!!!!

www.ultrafaction.com

theta_q@yahoo.cm