Top 15 Reasons Why "Star Wars" is Better Than "Titanic"
Date: Wed, 02 Jun 1999 06:38:58 PDT
(15-A) Titanic morals:
b. cheat on your fiance',
c. pose nude for pictures,
d. premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
(15-B) Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil,
b. do good,
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers,
d. rescue princess,
e. save planet.
(14.) Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
(13.) Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
(12.) Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
(11.) We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
(10.) Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
(9.) There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
(8.) Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?
(7.) "I'd rather be his whore than your wife," just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie."
(6.) Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
(5.) Han Solo would've steered clear of that stupid iceberg!
(4.) Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
(3.) Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
(2.) When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
And FINALLY... (Just in case there was EVER any doubt...)
(1.) We ALL knew that the damned boat was going to SINK!! But who could've POSSIBLY anticipated Darth Vader telling Luke Skywalker:
"No.... *I* am your father!"